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My kid can’t have a sleepover now regardless of the gender of either child! She just turned six and starts K next month but she’s in now way at all ready for that. Sure she talks about sleepovers but that doesn’t mean she’ll have one any time soon. I think reaching out to the other mom for a play date makes sense, maybe at a playground while the weather is still nice.
But to your real point, I don’t really know how to explain that down the road. Or if it’s ok for 5 year old opposite gender kids to have sleepovers. Like I feel like I would if they were cousins. But five is just super Young for a sleepover anyway.

I also wouldn't be comfortable with a sleepover at this age, and it's possible the other mom feels the same way so there's that. In terms of what to tell your daughter, I would just say the truth, you are not ready for that but let's plan a playdate.

I'd just put it in the same bucket as when your kid tells you she's cooked up a great plan to have ice cream for dinner and stay up all night haha. Like, "great idea, we aren't going to be able to do that but let's do xyz."

In your situation I would just say that sleepovers can only happen when she’s older, and that play dates would be a good idea for now.

As for the opposite gender thing, I think you do what you’re comfortable with but also consider that some of what you’re thinking is projecting gender stereotypes onto your kid. Which, we all do as a society so please don’t take it the wrong way or as a criticism! We also tend to sexualize/romanticize opposite gender relationships at a very young age, when kids don’t see it that way until they’re quite a lot older (and maybe not even then!) Of course you can set some boundaries if you want to encourage a sleepover with whoever at some point ie: we don’t sleep in the same bed, lights out at this time, etc. And that might make you feel comfortable.

When she’s older, and ready for a sex/relationships talk, you could broach some further boundaries with friends of any gender coming over, staying over, etc while still maintaining your comfort but allowing her to have whatever friends she wants and not discouraging based on gender. If your daughter does end up being straight, then address the opposite gender, if not then both genders! I know for me, being secretly bi and not out to my parents, they had a lot of rules for boys in the house but none for girls Which maybe gives you double to be concerned about rather than less ha! Bottom line, I would limit based on age at this stage and determine what you’re comfortable with down the road as she gets older.

My 4.5 constantly asks for playdates and sleepovers too. I just kind of go along with it and asks her questions. I have told her that their mommies and daddies will miss them too much, so maybe when you're a little older, lol.

We can barely get it together to coordinate playdates with our neighbor, so I won't even get into playdates with people that don't live close to us haha!

My daughter just turned 7 and I am only now barely starting to think about sleepovers. There's no way she was ready at 5 (regardless of the gender of the person she wanted to sleep over with). My kid would need a lot more playdates (particularly drop off playdates at someone's house) before I would even begin to think about sleepovers.
That said, she has asked. We've said "no" but then suggested a movie night. We have the kid (and their parents if they want) over for pizza and a movie. The kids all wear pajamas and sit on a pile of blankets and pillows. It's timed to end around bedtime.

First, kids that age are always planning playdates on their own - I just smile and say "that sounds fun" to most of them - especially if I don't even know the other kid's parents! That said, my just turned 5 year old had her first sleepover last month at our house. I've known the other girl since they were babies, though, and know her mom well. My daughter isn't ready to sleepover at someone else's house but this girl was and they had such a great time. We haven't had to enforce this rule but I'd only let her do sleepovers when I know the other family well.

@foodiebee: I don’t know that it’s a certain age for me, maybe it’s just the situation. My oldest has been a clinger a long time and it’s been improving since she started kinder (going into 2nd now). So maybe this year if she asks. But only with a good friend where I know the parents well and feel comfortable. She went to a mini-sleepover bday party which was fun - as mentioned above all the fun but home at 8:30!

Another issue for me is room sharing, in a year or so we may switch up the room sharing so oldest has her own again and then it would be easier to manage. And I would guess my younger two will get to have things like this younger than my oldest does ... I think a lot of us here have our oldest just getting to this age.

I had way more freedom as a kid than kids have now. I struggle a bit with that ... I grew up in a neighborhood where all the kids played outside constantly and all the parents knew each other and we could run paths in the woods all day. It’s changed so much and we live more urban than where I grew up. That’s a whole different thread ...