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@Lilamo: If you're able to, I would definitely try again. After my failed cycle in January I heard several times that the first cycle is sort of a crap shoot because your doctor doesn't really know how your eggs are yet. I think that given that you are 38, the antagonist protocol may have been too much suppression. I've also heard mixed things about using HCG during the stimulation period. Definitely talk all this through with your doctor, and maybe even get a second opinion (even just a phone consult if you don't have other options in your area... not sure where you're located). Your husband sounds like a really sweet guy, and I hope you both feel better soon
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@Shutterbug: Thank you so much for your words Shutterbug. They really help on a day like today. We'll be taking down notes/questions for next week's meeting. And also getting a second opinion.
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Our nurse emailed me today, stating how shocked she was also by this outcome. Because everything looked so good on Day 3.
She mentioned she would try to get me discounted or free meds for the next round of ivf if we choose to do it. And feels confident about a second round. One question I will have next week for the dr. is... if they thing it was an egg or sperm or both quality as the reason the embryos started failing on day 5, then why would doing different meds help? Wouldn't it be the same case again, as it's the same eggs and sperm from us?
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We also may look into a clinic that is willing to do Day 3 transfers vs. only Day 5 (which ours was for this first one)... I can't help but think maybe if we transferred some of those great Day 3 guys...perhaps they would have taken?
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@Lilamo: I'm so sorry about this. Hopefully you'll learn more at your next appt and the RE will be able to make some educated adjustments now that you've been through cycle one. Stay strong. I know, much easier said than done.
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@Lilamo: I'm so sorry! If they did good on day 3, most clinics would've continued to day 5, so don't stress too much about your clinic. I think it's just kind of random when they stop progressing, but different labs definitely have different stats. I'm so sorry it didn't work, but I know a lot of ppl whose ivf2 was successful because the docs knew what to ti let with. Maybe if the eggs grow more slowly next time, you'll have more and therefore better odds for the growth phase. I wish you lots of luck for the future!
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Thank you everyone. I really appreciate your advice and support during this hard time. We're talking about a second IVF but I have to get a better paying job first...so gotta focus on that! Perhaps we'll try again in July or August.
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@Lilamo: I am so, so sorry to hear this. Sending you hugs.
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@Lilamo: As I mentioned yesterday, we didn't use birth control pills my 2nd cycle and I had a lot more eggs. I was diagnosed with low ovarian reserve so my RE wanted to get as many eggs as possible so I didn't take the pill. He gave me the highest dose of Bravelle and ganarelix the last few days and I had 13 eggs. Way more than we had hoped/thought we'd get. So definitely ask next week about less suppression for the next round. And as someone else just said, many women have success on the 2nd round when the doctor changes things up! I'm so sorry this happened, but so hopeful that your next IVF will be successful!!
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@Lilamo: so sorry to hear that none made it. I'm heartbroken for u. I hope they can give u answers and make adjustments for your next one.
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@Jenn23: That is some great info... I'm making a list of questions to ask! He's a pretty stern doctor, so we are going to see what he has to say, but potentially go across the state (Washington) to Seattle and go to a clinic that has higher success rates for women in my age group.
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Can I ask everyone a pretty personal question? I was curious about ivf costs with other folks. We feel that our is pretty high... about 23k per cycle. I just wanted to get an idea if this is normal, or if we need to "shop" around more in the Seattle area.
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@Lilamo: i don't know my exact cost, never looked at the insurance cost.... We ended up paying less than 2900, not including meds. But we had 80% covered. So assuming we just divide that by 20%, it was around 14500. 23k sounds really high, but not sure what's the norm in your neighborhood. My facility was in ny.
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@Lilamo: I am so sorry that your first cycle did not work out. We did IVF last summer/fall and the cycle alone (without meds or genetic testing) was about $20k. Meds were another 4K and genetic testing was 6K. I am in California if that helps and I know that the clinic that we went to is on the higher side, price wise. We decided to go with that one because they had better results.
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@tequiero21: Wow- that would be amazing to have insurance cover some costs. That is great! We live in podunk eastern Washington... so the cost feels insanely high for our area. We'll be looking into Seattle pretty intensively.
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@Lilamo: Your pricing is much higher than our clinic (in MD)-- here the fee for one cycle of IVF with ICSI is $11k ($9500 without ICSI). That doesn't include the meds of course which are another few thousand each cycle, depending on dosage.
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@Lilamo: Did you look at the SART report to see success rates for each clinic? That's why I look it often. However, remember that some of the best clinics have lower success rates since they do take on harder cases, whereas other docs refuse to do IVF for some in order to keep their success rates up. So just keep that in mind. Wish you all the best.
Edit: Oh, and the cost of your IVF cycle seems really high!! We live in a pricey area here (right outside Philadelphia) and the cycles here are about 15,000 to 16,000 including meds. ICSI adds another 2,000 I think. So I definitely think your clinic charges a lot!
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We've decided to not return to our clinic. We simply cannot afford it at 20-23k each time.
We've been talking a lot and (my husband actually suggested) we might start thinking about donor sperm and IUI. Our fertility issues to our current knowledge are male factor... and we decided it's worth a try. It'll cost us about 3k for 3-4 tries.
It's more difficult for me to wrap my mind around than my husband. He has two previous children (who are lovely) that we have 70% of the time. He said "I just want us to have a baby soon so we can start our lives with a new family member!"
So I'm currently researching donor facilities...
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@Lilamo: wow I think that's great that he's so open to that. I'm pretty sure my hubby would rather adopt than have a kid that was biologically another man's, but biologically mine.
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@tequiero21: Yeah, I think it makes a difference because he has two children from a previous marriage. I think if he didn't...it may feel a bit more strange for him.
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@Lilamo: I'm so glad you both came up with a new way to have a baby and one that is more affordable! So do you have a new RE in mind or not yet? Hope you are doing better. I have been thinking about you this week. Even though I don't know you, my heart broke when I read your news. Just know that your new plan of action gets you closer to getting pregnant.
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@Jenn23: Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts.
We were pretty shocked at the news, as our nurse seemed very positive, and we had at least 4 that were doing well. It was definitely a blow. I went through a mourning to think it may not happen with my husband's dna... but yesterday I met a little toddler that was created from a donor egg plus the husband's sperm, and she was the most adorable little thing, and she adored her mom and dad. I never once thought- "oh this seems different because it was a donor situation." I just thought what an adorable, loving family. I hope we get there soon too!
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@Lilamo: I wish you all the best with the IUI! How long will it take to get things going with this? Can't wait to hear how it goes!
She mentioned she would try to get me discounted or free meds for the next round of ivf if we choose to do it. And feels confident about a second round. 
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