Hi ladies! I am looking for any kind of input and advice I can get:) DH and I have been married for two years. I am 25 and he is 28. We have both expressed wanting a child, him especially. He wants at least one before he is 30. Here is the issue. I just applied to a University for Fall 2014. I will get in. I have 4 more years for my degree and I don't think the college really offers online classes. I know for a fact I do not want to wait 4 years. Especially because after I graduate, I am going to want to work and let's face it, I will NEVER have a kid!
So I am thinking that maybe we can start trying next year so I will be pregnant my first year of college. The question I have is, are universities accommodating to pregnant college students? What if I am put on bedrest? What if I give birth during a semester? To be completely honest, I am scared. Especially because DH and I live in a town 4 hours from our family and have no support. Our child would most likely be put into childcare (we are ok with that). I would love any and all input and advice you can give
pineapple / 12234 posts
I did but he was a surprise baby and that alone was hard. Honestly, it can work but I would try to have the first two-three years out of the way. Instead of planning out his nursery, I had papers to write. Instead of decorating the house for his 1st birthday, I had a math final to study for. If we could have held off even 2 years, it would have helped me so much.
Also, I took mostly all evening classes so DH could be home with DS. It's doable and there might be online classes for the first few years, definitely not all classes. As far as the school being accommodating, mine was but I only had one class when I delivered. I was able to take a 2 week break.
pear / 1650 posts
@HLK208: gosh that must have been rough going after two weeks. I could still barely walk at that point!
@loveablebee: I agree with @HLK208: that trying to bust out as many credits as possible before baby will be helpful for you and your family. That being said - trust me, I know what its like to NEED to start the TTC process. I have a three month old and am taking two online classes this semester. Am on maternity leave so i have found the workload very doable! Will you be working, or just taking classes? I'm a little nervous for next semester because i will be back at work, but my schedule will be part time.
Most classes are only once or twice a week, so I'm thinking its easier(and cheaper) to find care for LOwhile you go to class. i'm not positive about the "bed rest" scenario but figure they will allow an "incomplete" where you finish coursework at a later time. Never done that but i know someone whonhad to do that when his father passed away.
is there a way yoi can take a random math or English 101 course at a community college before fall 2014? That would be another way to get credits in pre baby. (just make sure credits are transferable!!)
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
A friend of mine had twins during her second year of college. She took a full year off of school to care for her children. When dshe headed back she put her children in daycare, went to school full time and had a paid internship. It's definitely doable.
watermelon / 14206 posts
I'm taking a semester of college, but it's been at the beginning of my pregnancy, and I'll only be about 24 weeks when it's done. I'm not taking any classes next semester, because I know I'll have a c-section and I'm due before the end of the semester.
I would just try to plan it to have the baby during the summer, or at the end of a semester.
Also, a lot of colleges offer online courses, so you might want to consider those for during the time you'd need to be home more.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I do think it depends on what kind of experience you want from University and the program. One thing that often creeps up is group projects...having BTDT, it is often very difficult to accomodate everyone's schedules and sometimes, meetings are just downright inconvenient!
Also, the first 2 years (at least IME) were the easier, core classes. When you get into the classes specific to your degree, the level of intensity def. increases.
Best of luck!
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
For your bed rest maternity leave question I don't think universities allow for that they just make you withdraw due to medical leave of absence. Just be prepared that you may not finish a degree within four years if you do try to have a baby within that time.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
It's doable, just hard, and it seems that most end up going back later, down the road. I've definitely known people who have managed it, though. You probably won't be able to finish in 4 years, though, unless you have the baby in late May/early June. A 16+ credit courseload will eat up more time than you will be able to dedicate, more than likely. One of my friends was able to take two weeks off, then had to go back right away (her mom came in town to watch the baby, since daycares don't typically care for babies under 6 weeks). Another girl I know was in class the weekend after having the baby.
Universities aren't always the most flexible. I've found that the adult/online courses are (and you can transfer a fair amount of that type of coursework in). Night classes would be a good approach, too. Some programs are naturally more family-friendly, too.
I was in the middle of an online course when I had my baby. I had emailed with the professor numerous times, he was very understanding, and I turned a few assignments in early. By the time I had her, i only had one large paper to write. it sucked, but I was able to pound it out during nap times and then polish it up on a weekend. I also picked an easy class for the semester I was due. So there can definitely be some strategic planning going into it.
GOLD / cantaloupe / 6581 posts
I'm working on my Master's right now, and have been since before I was pregnant. It's definitely hard, and my classes are only online. That being said, if you are only taking classes, not working (I'm doing both, and it's hard!), it's definitely doable. Like @blackbird: said, it takes some planning. I unashamedly found the easiest possible class I could to take this semester (my daughter was born in July and I started school 5 weeks later). I'm so glad I did, because working full-time plus getting the swing of having a baby has eaten up pretty much all of my time. Definitely plan on taking a light load the semester you have her.
As for flexibility, try to look for any online combination classes you can for when you are pregnant. Schools do not have to be flexible, and you will most likely have to withdraw for a semester or take an incomplete if you can't do the work. I was very honest with my professors when I was pregnant, and for the most part they were accommodating.
Sure, it's hard to do, but if you are smart about it, you'll be fine. It will probably take you longer than 4 years (my 2-year Master's will take me 3.5), but it's doable!! I'm so glad I didn't drop out when I got pregnant, and it gets easier every month!
pomelo / 5178 posts
My husband and I both completed our grad degrees with children, so I do think it's possible. My husband started his degree a few weeks before we found out we were pregnant with out first, and graduated when she was about 1 year old. I started my program a few months later, about three months pregnant with #2. I finished up my degree this summer; DD was just over 3 and DS was 15 months. We also both worked full-time almost the whole time.
For us, it helped that our programs were 100% online, since that gave us some built-in flexibility. I also found out that my university offerred a maternity leave (up tp one year) and my professors were very understanding/helpful. I didn't end up taking any time off, but the semester I was due, my teachers allowed me to work ahead. By the time I had DS, I only had my mid-term and final papers to write; all my other assignments had been turned in.
I do think it's hard to go to school and have a baby; you have to have a lot of discipline and a supportive partner is really helpful. However, I think if you're committed to your goal and you are able to stay focused, it's not impossible.
bananas / 9899 posts
I think it's doable, but it won't be easy. Like others have said, expect that you won't get your schooling done in 4 years.
apricot / 469 posts
It is definitely doable but if there isn't any real rush - then why rush it? Why not enjoy being in college and give your all to that experience.
You are young and could have a baby later in your college career when it is a bit more familiar rather than starting two huge projects simultaineously. It sounds like (an I am completely guessing here, so forgive me if I am wrong!) that your husband feels the rush more than you do as he is touch older (but still very young!) but do bear in mind that you will be the one that is actually pregnant and having to attend college with any issues that it might bring (morning sickness, bed-rest etc.) and thus sacrificing your education.
Your education is so important for you as an individual and also you as a family and your future children, for your own sense of achievement, your financial future, and your baby's future - if you have the option to give your all to college, I think that you would be great for yourself, your family and future baby.
Education is a huge priority in my life though so my advice is coming through that lens! Best of luck in whatever decision you make.
grapefruit / 4671 posts
Honestly, if you can wait even a little longer I would. Going to Uni is such a huge adjustment and pregnancy is too. It will be insanely difficult to focus on your first year of undergrad while pregnant and still get the best out of the experience. Wou;d you consider waiting at least until yuo have a year nehind you before trying?
My husband is in grad school for his zillionth Masters while working and we have a 16 month old. It is pretty rough in terms of him needing to be at school constantly for group projects, meetings etc. There is so much that happens outside of core classes, it makes it quite tough.
I feel like you need to already be in school, know the lay of the land and have your routine down before you start tryin to shift things around for a baby. 25 is so young, you have plenty of time.
pear / 1846 posts
That's what we are planning to do, I'm in the middle of my masters but if we do have a baby I will be stepping off for a year, luckily I will still get my bursary during that time. Quite a few ladies have done this on my course (not in my year though). Just didn't want to wait three years and then not know how long it will take to conceive!
coffee bean / 46 posts
Thanks everyone for the advice! I have two years of college already done at a community college so I am transferring to a university. I like the idea of planning a summer baby. Someone told me about title ix and I read about it. It explains how legally the school must accommodate you. Each school has a title ix officer so I am going to call and ask questions.
coconut / 8430 posts
My friend was telling me recently how she was finishing up her last class for her Master's degree and the final exam was a few days after she was scheduled to deliver her baby (she had to have a planned C-section). The prof was completely unaccommodating and wouldn't budge and let her take her exam early because he said she could take the course again next year. She was finally able to work something out but it was a huge hassle and it was really stressful for her. My point is that it will depend a lot on your professors.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
I am in school and I have a toddler. It is insanely hard, but it's doable. I definitely could not do it without a 100% supportive husband.
An ideal situation would be the ability to have J in FT daycare, go to school FT and not work. But financially that isn't an option. I go to school both PT and FT depending on the semester, work PT and J is only in child care when I'm at work. The rest of the time at home I have to manage my time and work hard to get it all done. DH takes J most weekends so that I can study and do HW.
If I get into the program I want, my course load will nearly double and I will still have to work PT. I am honestly unsure how I will do it, but I'm committed.
I agree with HLK though - if I had waited just a little while longer to have my son, it would have made this process a lot smoother. Instead it's really, really hard. I wish I had known before I had J what I wanted to do, and gotten it done. I would definitely try to get a couple years done though prior to getting PG.