Anyone's SO have a chronic illness?

By BSB Apr 10, 2014

My DH has severe asthma and goes in and out of the hospital a few times a year.

Just curious if anyone else has a SO who has a chronic illness.

It can be a lot of pressure for me to have a good job and provide for our family. It can be a difficult with our wife/husband roles. Also, knowing that I will probably never have the ability to be a SAHM. (Though DH said he would be a SAHD. Which I'm fine with for now.)

DH had severe asthma since he was little, so I knew dating and marrying him that I would have to take care of him.

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11 comments

spaniellove
honeydew / 7916 posts

Apr 10, 2014

Well in our case it's me and I'm sure DH feels a lot of pressure with me being sick all the time.
T.H.O.U.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

Apr 10, 2014

I think in our relationship its always me that is getting sick. Luckily DH is much better now about understanding that I need my rest so that I don't get sick and don't get migraines but it took him a while to really understand and get that.

I do feel bad that sometimes I can't be a fun exciting on the go wife all the time because sometimes I just need to chill and relax and go to bed early.
regberadaisy
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts

Apr 10, 2014

He has very bad cholesterol so we're very careful about what we eat. He's convinced he's going to die early due to BIL dying at 34, chronic heart disease in his family and now his mom's cancer.

So...basically he has a lot of decks stacked against in in terms of health. But not something that affects him illness wise in a day to day way. More like the unknown deadly possible killer!

I do worry a lot about when he might leave me because of it all and if I'll end up raising our kids as a single mom. But ya gotta live each day for what it is!
spaniellove
honeydew / 7916 posts

Apr 10, 2014

@T.H.O.U.: I feel bad that it's probably going to affect my parenting that at some point I will be incapacitated with multi-day migraines, or not be able to go to some places because of sensory issues. Or that peanuts will never ever be allowed in our home and I may have to restrict LO's access to them because they're such an issue for me.
Cherrybee
papaya / 10570 posts

Apr 10, 2014

Yes. My husband has an auto-immune arthritis which flares up/worsens with stress - which is a particular problem given that my husband is very prone to stress! To control the pain, he has to take a painkiller which also acts as a sleeping pill (dealing with night wakes up alone, anyone?) but to treat the cause of the pain he has to take a medication once per week that makes him feel ill for three days.

Unlike your situation, my DH's condition first came on just 6 weeks after our wedding. We think the stress of the wedding and buying our house triggered it. It has been hard for me to come to terms with. I alternate between feeling sad and worried - will he be permanently disabled? Will he be able to play with our children? - to feeling resentful and hard done to (I know it's awful and I hate myself for feeling it but this is about honestly, right?).
BSB
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts

Apr 11, 2014

@locavore_mama: 34?!? Wow, that's young. Does your DH regularly see a dr to make sure everything is okay?

@Cherrybee: Yeah, sometimes dealing with the side effects of the different meds he takes can be the hardest part. I think...Is it the meds talking?

It's okay to have those thoughts of sadness and worry. Even though I knew about his illness beforehand, it still makes it hard. DH is currently disabled and it's scary to think he is only 30. I think next year will be his 3 year mark where he will have to renew or reapply for disability or try to go back to work. He's entering the work field now and seeing if he can handle it. As for resentment, I feel and think it and I do feel awful sometimes. As for kids, he wants to be a SAHD, but what happens if he has an asthma attack. Also, stress and minor illnesses affect him so much more. I'm already bracing myself to put our child in part time day care, if the DH can't handle it. I think the DH can but I'm having alternatives in place, just in case.
Costello
cherry / 133 posts

Apr 11, 2014

We both do. It has been a struggle in the past and is the reason why we have chosen not to pursue biological children. But, we are in a positive place right now with our illnesses. Even though I worry about the future, I am learning to appreciate the good days we have now.
Cherrybee
papaya / 10570 posts

Apr 11, 2014

@bluestriped bee: The thing I find the hardest is not being able to talk to him about everything I feel - he is the person I turn to about everything, usually. He already feels awful about it and if he knew I sometimes felt resentful he would be so upset.

It sound like your hubby is really suffering. That's awful. I do think he is underestimating how hard being a SAHP is, too. How do you feel about working while he is spending time with your (future) baby? I would find that really tough.
BSB
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts

Apr 11, 2014

@Cherrybee: When we first got married, he had the baby fever more and I've always been a workaholic, so it felt like a great idea for him to be a SAHD while I worked. The infertility has made us both have bad baby fever and I see posts about people loving being a SAHM. I wonder how I'm going to feel. At this point, I don't really have a choice, I need to work. Maybe DH will get off disibility and start work. He's an artist so working from home is kinda ideal for him. I have thoughts of him creating a successful business where I can work for him and then we can both be at home. I guess it's just dreams at this point.
brownie
grapefruit / 4110 posts

Apr 11, 2014

Mine has Cystic Fibrosis. He has a very mild form which wasn't diagnosed until 19. BUT he is always just one bad virus away from it getting significantly worse. Little bit knows very well all about medicine and daddy's chest therapies.
Grace
cantaloupe / 6730 posts

Apr 11, 2014

Mine does, but it's under control with meds and hopefully stays that way forever!!

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Anyone's SO have a chronic illness?

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