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@dominobee: I'm sorry
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@periwinklebee: Thanks.
I just feel really, really exhausted by this. To have been working on something for two years without any progress is just so draining. I have worked on long-term goals before. I went to grad school so I could change careers and worked my way up to a job I'm good at and proud of - that took about 4 years total. I bought and fixed up a home - that took about 2 years. But at least with those projects I saw regular progress. With this I feel like we are still at square one since none of the RE's interventions seem to be working.
Right now I feel like if IUI doesn't work next cycle I'm going to have to take a break. I just can't handle this anymore. I'm so tired.
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@dominobee: Thank you! I'm sorry this cycle didn't work out for you. Hopefully you'll be able to relax and enjoy your day off work!
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@jodyblair: Thanks. This is cycle #24 of BFNs. At this point I'm pretty used to it.
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Small pleasures... I just remembered the library book I requested is ready for pickup. Which means I need to finish the book I'm reading right now! Right now I'm reading Jules Vernes' "Journey to the Center of the Earth" and later I'll pick up Margaret Atwood's "The Handmaid's Tale." It'll be a nerdy day. I guess I can be grateful for the free time I have right now, I'm sure most parents don't get many chances to spend all day reading.
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@dominobee: I'm so sorry - I feel horrible that things didn't work out for you still. I feel like TTC is also different than those other things you mentioned because it is the nexus of so much emotion.
The uncertainty also gets me. If someone could tell me - you'll have to go through X more losses and try Y more months or years but then you'll get your take home baby, I think I would feel a lot better. But month after month wanting it so badly and not knowing what could happen, it wears you down. I wish I could want it less. I guess a lot of life is like that, I hope that at the end of this experience I will at least feel like I got useful life coping skills out of it...
There's nothing at all wrong with taking a break when needed. I will be thinking of you.
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@periwinklebee: Yes, that's exactly how I feel too. With school and the house I knew what I needed to do. With TTC I keep doing what the doctor (and the internet) says I should do and it's not working. On top of it the doctor says my husband and I are perfectly healthy and fertile. It's a complete mystery as to why this isn't working.
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@dominobee:
It is amazing how little we understand and I'm sure so frustrating to have no idea what's going on. I think with my job there's a ton of uncertainty as well but I feel like I've been able to accept that, in a way that is harder to with TTC. With TTC there are constant reminders everywhere that it's not working - most people have kids and there are pregnant people all over the place. At the beach yesterday I kept noticing pregnant women - just couldn't help it - at one point I was like, "there's another one - oops, no, that is a dude with a pot belly." And perhaps more importantly, you have to deal with it not working out every single month, rather than on rarer occasions when you don't get a promotion or whatever. For some reason, it doesn't really get easier with time...
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@dominobee: Yay for days spent reading. I love the handmaids tale, in its dystopian setting it does talk about infertility and loss, just as a warning in case you aren't feeling up for that right now. It is amazing and I am interested to see how hulu does adapting it into a mini series.
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@snarkybiochemist: That's why I need to finally read it - before I watch the series. Thanks for the warning.
@periwinklebee: LOL at the dude w/ a pot belly!
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@dominobee: of course I hope you enjoy it
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At the RE for my follicle scan and I don't know why these always make me so nervous.
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One follicle at 20mm ready to go, so I should be ovulating within a day or two. Lining is good too. Yay!
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@dominobee: I'm so sorry.
I hope you have a relaxing day and are able to spoil yourself.
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@mrskansas: Awesome! Good luck!
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@dominobee: Thanks girl! I was pretty happy to see that I'm going to ovulate within the "normal" time frame.
And I know this is dumb to look up the due date but I do it every month. If I ovulate tomorrow, which is likely, the EDD would be my mom's birthday. So maybe it's a good sign.
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@mrskansas: Haha I do it every month too.
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@dominobee: It just fuels my craziness.
Do you have anything planned for your day off? -
@mrskansas: Been taking care of some chores. Just gave the dog a bath, now outside running him around in the sun to get him dry. Just gonna play it by ear and go with the flow!
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@mrskansas: Awesome news, glad that your body is doing what its supposed to do
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@snarkybiochemist: Yeah I am super excited!
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@mrskansas: That's great! Good luck
Got a positive opk today! If I ovulate tomorrow, we were able to BD O-3 and O-5. Great for shettles, but I still can't get over how weird it seems to not BD once I get a positive OPK.
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@mrskansas: If we both get BFPs this cycle, looks like we could be due date buddies. So fun to think about!
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@mrskansas: Awesome, I'm glad you went in for the follicle check so you could get a better sense of what was going on.
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@jodyblair: I'll be really interested to see how this turns out for you. When I conceived my daughter, we only had sex the day of ovulation, which apparently is more favorable for a boy.
I hope we both are fortunate enough to have sticky babies this month! And at least we can obsess over the TWW together
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@mrskansas: That's interesting! After reading the info about shettles, it definitely makes sense that we have two boys based on what the theory says. I'll be excited to see how it plays out for us.
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@jodyblair: Were you able to get pregnant easily with your first two?
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@mrskansas: Yes, we were super lucky to get pregnant the first cycle with both of them. But I'm not naive enough to think that means it will happen that easily this time around. Especially with the way we're timing BD.
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@dominobee: =[ I'm so sorry. I know it is exhausting and it is just not fair.
I had a pretty bad weekend. We had a bbq on Saturday and we basically invited all of our friends that don't have children or aren't even close to having children. We thought we were creating a safe space. Well, one of the couples that came that is getting married in June told us they are pregnant. Just out of the blue, to both me and my husband. We were both just not expecting to have to deal with news like that. It upset both of us. I felt like such an asshole for not being happier for our friends. It's also not like they knew what we are going through, we have only told like...a couple close friends, who ironically were not at the bbq yesterday, so it's not like we could be mad at them either. Then we got into a huge fight on Sunday because I was being indecisive about what to do that day, and my husband broke down and cried because he was upset that our lives had to be planned ( like why couldn't we have an opps baby, and why can't we just get up and go do things, why does everything have to be planned). I felt like a terrible wife...I'm just feeling terrible lately, like this is all my fault, that if only I could let go of all control and be a floating plastic bag in the wind like some of these other people we know, that then everything would be fine, and our marriage would be happy and dandy like it was before we tried to get knocked up. I feel like he blames me for the stress the infertility has caused, and it's not a good feeling. I just feeling like I'm failing at everything in general, and failing at my marriage hurts more than failing at trying to get pregnant. ugh. end rant.
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@Tionn3: I am so, so sorry girl. I wish I had words of wisdom or at least something to say to make you feel better, but I don't. It just sucks.
I too have felt like I am failing at everything lately. I can't stay pregnant, I feel like I'm constantly being rejected at work and my husband feels like he is nothing more than a sperm donor. I think all of this stems from the struggle to get/stay pregnant.Maybe it would help to take a break for a while and be more "carefree" about things in general, like planning a spontaneous trip to reconnect without worrying about TTC?
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@mrskansas: It's just so frustrating. I literally don't know what to do, and I just feel like a terrible human being.
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Question: for those who don't track O, do you wait to poas until after a missed period? I think that's what I will do (if I miss it) but I will be away from dh then so that's kind of a bummer! ETA this is not unusual for us, so there's a good chance if I get pregnant I'll find out on my own, which is ok too, just not as exciting/fun/don't know the word imo.
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@Tionn3: sending hugs.
No advice, I hope it happens soon.
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@2littlepumpkins: I didn't track last month and I just POAS when I thought I was about 2-3 days from AF. Didn't work for me last month so I'm tracking this month.
@Tionn3: I'm sending you lots of hugs. So sorry this has been so difficult for you and for your DH.
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@bushelandapeck: did you track with your first two? I'm hesitant to track because I think I have a harder time with bfns when tracking!
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@2littlepumpkins: With my first I didn't track. I tested once at what I now know was 9 DPO and it was negative. I didn't even think about testing again until I was 13 DPO and it was positive.
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@2littlepumpkins: I sure did! I did everything with my first (fertility monitor, temping, preseed) and then OPKs with my second two (one was a mc). This would be our 3rd so I thought I would just see what happened the first month. I got pregnant on the first try all 3 other times so this months BFN was new to me. It sucked so I'm back to OPKs this month.
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I think I'm in shock....
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Is there any way this is a false positive??? I don't want to get my hopes up...
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@chypmunk: Nope, definitely positive. Congrats!
How many DPO are you?
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