Charlie asked me this yesterday! Didn't realize he was thinking about this stuff yet, but we had a good conversation about life and death. I think he got how it worked after our cat died a while ago...
What's your plan for talking about life and death with your LO? Any tips on what worked for you?
pomegranate / 3791 posts
Oh gosh, I'm terrified of when this comes up - I can remember asking my mom this question as a kid, and even though there were many reassurances of how it wouldn't happen for a very long time and about heaven and such, none of it helped - I would get upset to the point of tears and being kept up at night worrying about it! I kind of just hope my kids aren't as sensitive as me about that sort of thing...but I know that's not really a plan.
apricot / 456 posts
We've thought a lot about this because we are atheists, and I think that makes it a little harder for us. We can't just say, "Don't worry, so-and-so is in a better place!" or "You'll see your cat again in heaven!" Unless we lie (we are very much in favor of being as honest as we can with children at all times, for their developmental level), the cold, hard truth is that they will never see their loved one again, they are gone forever. 
I'm not looking forward to telling that to a little kid.
So, I think we'll probably use this book (which I think is appropriate for both the religious and non-religious alike): http://www.amazon.com/Lifetimes-Beautiful-Explain-Death-Children/dp/0553344021/
We're going to focus on the cycle of life. How every animal is born, spends some time as a baby, grows into adolescence, then adulthood, then old age, and finally dies. If no one died, earth would be a terrible place to live because we would be so crowded and run out of things to eat and places to live. People die the way toys slow down and finally stop working when the batteries run out, or a candle that burns brightly but eventually melts away and extinguishes itself. It's just the way things work. But even though we don't live on, our actions do. The way we impact the world around us will go on long after we die, and that's really special.
cantaloupe / 6059 posts
Well, we are Christians and do believe in life after death and the hope of an eternity spent with God. I would talk about how God numbers and knows the amount of days we will spend on earth and how that is a comforting fact. I would also explain how we are all individually here for a unique purpose and I believe that we won't pass until we fulfill that calling for our lives. So because of my faith in God, my explanation to my kids would look slightly different than someone who is an atheist.
I really love what @Skadi: shared about how she will tell her kids about how we impact the world will go on long after we pass. That's a beautiful thing that is absolutely true for everyone regardless of what faith (or lack thereof) they have! I definitely will incorporate that into what I share with my kids as well.
pear / 1852 posts
I don't know how we
s, my paternal grandfather is currently under going cancer treatment, although officially I don
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t be a shock and we
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ll definitely bring God into it, but I'll probably also talk about life cycles.
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
We had to deal with this for the first time this past weekend, with my uncle's death. Since we are Christians and believe in heaven, we simply explained that uncle went to heaven to be with God. He asked pretty typical questions (why? will he still be in the bed? is he going to come back? can I draw him a picture? but he won't be able to see it.) but it went pretty well. I did wait a day so that I could stay composed when talking about it with Wagon Jr. (almost 5 years old at this point). He totally embraced his "job" of cheering up all the grandmas and grandpas by hugging and kissing everyone. He even said "it's good that he died, because now he's in heaven with God. And God protects people. Just like robots do!" which made everyone laugh.
grapefruit / 4120 posts
We started to have the conversation a few weeks ago when my son asked what "dead" meant (he will be 4 in two months) but it went south pretty quickly when he started freaking out that when he died, he would not have his toys with him. We are Christians, and I told him in heaven God has a big big house with lots and lots of rooms (thanks, Audio Adrenaline!) and lots of wonderful things, but he was not going for it. So, we'll take it up again at some other point.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@Skadi: Thanks for the link to that book and your beautiful explanation. I'm also worried about having to explain death one day because we're also not religious (agnostic) and I worry that telling a child that so-and-so is just gone forever might be a bit too heavy!
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I feel like up to a certain point, you can just answer questions with a yes/no and it will satisfy them. Like if they ask if you will die, you don't have to give a long explanation, but a yes/no will usually satisfy them and then you have the option to redirect.
grapefruit / 4923 posts
i remember asking my dad this question. he said yes, he was going to die. i started bawling. then he calmly said that it wouldn't happen for a while. and although of course he didn't know that for sure, it made me feel a lot better that i didn't have to think about it anytime soon.
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