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Wow.... I don't think you've done anything wrong. It was a working relationship and now that its over, it's over. Sounds like she was/is attached to your LO, but that's her issue not yours. She's like the ex-girlfriend that just.keeps.calling.! lol!

I agree you don't need to see her again but I think it's kinda sweet she still cares about LO.

@prettylizy: haha, I was thinking the same.

I don't think you owe her anything to be honest. I am currently watching the LOs I nannied (for years) again a couple hours a week, but when I stopped at the end of my pregnancy I certainly missed them but didn't expect "rights" to see them. I left on good terms and had a friendship with their Mom, so she would invite me to visit...but if we had left on not the best of terms - whether I knew that or not! - I never would have felt entitled to see her kids. They're *her* kids, lol!

I keep in contact with a couple families. I actually have a plan to go visit the last family this summer. I lived with them for one year and worked for them for three years total. The bond was mutual and we consider each other family.

I have worked for families where I loved the children but the parents wouldn't allow me to see their children after I left. Seriously, one family let me go and told me I had to move out of their house by the next day! Anyway, I tried to stay in contact with the children but the mother would not allow it. It broke my heart because I loved those children but the mother didn't see it that way. I guess in the long run it was better because the mom was crazy!

ETA- I just meant call or visit one in a blue moon. Nothing crazy. I don't think a visit every few months or using her as back up babysitter is asking too much. However, you are the momma and you have to do what is best for your family.

@Irene- I highly doubt it! This family was....weird! They told me they could no longer pay me because the dad was going to lose his job (most likely true) but I think the real reason was because the dad always hit on me. It was super creepy.

@2peasinapod- I agree!

I think you should do what feels best for you, and if that means ending the relationship between your child and the nanny, then so be it.

I was a nanny for two years to a little girl in France that I came to dearly love. Following a death in my family I left the little girl without saying goodbye. Her parents were totally understanding about it and we both made an effort to keep in touch, and even visited when we were in the same cities. It really depends on your relationship with the nanny. I wasn't that close to the parents but they knew their daughter and I had a very close bond and made efforts to maintain it to some extent.

@irene: I'm glad you emailed her back. I think I have a different perspective than most of the people here, because while I certainly do not think you have an obligation to her, I do however think its nice that she cared about him, and if he was attached to her (which after a year I'm sure in some ways he is) I think its probably nice for you son to see her too. I know strained relationships are hard, and I think it would be weird if she wanted to see your son once a week, but I don't think every month or so is too much. You trusted her enough to leave your son with her for his first year of life, you know, so I'm sure whatever issues were there can't be bad enough to keep her from seeing him occasionally (my opinion does change though if you didn't just switch to daycare, but you actually fired her, I think that's a different situation altogether). Anyways, I do see your side, and it is weird that she is so persistent, but I feel a bit badly for her, and I hope to find a care provider who cares enough about my children to go out of her way to spend unpaid time with them after she isn't their nanny anymore.

ETA: I do not think that you need to go out of your way to meet up with her, but if you can, also if I were you, I would continue to let her be the one to contact you, I definitely would not be the one to be doing that footwork.

@irene: personally, I feel like you have 0 obligation to facilitate her seeing your kids---especially because you don't get along with her.

If I were you, I'd just do a slow "break up". Don't return her emails/calls for a long time (like two weeks), then write and apologize for taking so long but you've been super busy, etc.etc. Then when she emails back saying she wants to see your LO, take another week to respond (you are super busy after all!) and then say the next few weeks are going to be too busy because you're having out of town guests, but you'll get back to her after that.

Then wait and see if she contacts you again.....she proably won't, but if she does, by then you'll have had 7 weeks or so between visits, so then you can schedule 1 visit for two weeks after that....and keep repeating until she gets the point.

I'm just naturally not a big communicator and routinely take a week to return emails and calls from even the people I love the most, so I definitely wouldn't be putting a priority on responding to a former employee that I stopped employing for a reason.

And finally, her not listening to your requests as the parent are reason enough for me to cut off all contact. Your LO, your house, your rules. Period. Don't feel bad! It's nice that SOME nannies maintain good relationships with the parents of the LOs they work for--but your case does not fall under than umbrella. Let it taper off.

I have been a nanny for several families and while it is nice to get updates I feel like requesting playdates is excessive. I pretty much limit it to once or twice a year check in for about two years usually and then I feel like things have usually run their course. I am still friends with one Mom so we text but honestly it is more about our relationship than the one with the kids even at this point. At any rate I don't think you would be out of line just to stop responding, maybe respond with a photo and just say "sorry, life is busy" every other time and she will get the picture eventually.

@PrincessBaby: I wonder if maybe she wants to keep in touch because she is hoping for a reference? It is always awkward to use someone as a reference when you haven't chatted recently so perhaps she is trying to keep the line of communication open?