wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
I love this and I wonder if it would work. I'm so tired all the time, but Hubs still wants sex every other day and I just feel pressured to give in even though having sex is the last thing on my mind. But then when we don't do it, he seems hurt and resentful. But it sounds like from the article, they BOTH felt pressured to do it, and I don't think that's the case in my situation. Oh well.
coconut / 8475 posts
Honestly? I don't think he is saying anything extraordinary.
He's like, "we have sex when the time is right and don't feel pressured." I just feel like it's so obvious; but I'm trying to get how it isn't in so many relationships. Like @adira: said, they seemed mutual. I want to read an article of a couple to came to such a peaceful agreement and we're not mutual on the feelings of pressure!
@CupQuakeWalk: Yes, I want to read an article about that too!
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
My husband would never agree to this, and I'm not sure I'd want him to.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
This so works for us. Forcing it doesn't. We both acknowledge that now is not the sexiest time in our life, but we find other ways to be intimate and spend time together. And there's always wine!
I just read this as them being respectful of the fact that they are both tired! If you have to say to your spouse, "I guess we should have sex..."....I don't see how that is ideal
persimmon / 1178 posts
sex is great but the amount we have is not reflective of how healthy our relationship is.
ETS that we have been married 13 years so that might have something to do with it.
eggplant / 11824 posts
@blackbird: Ditto; us too.
We had our horndog years, and (for right now) that time has passed. We're still intimate and close and in love. My husband would be *horrified* to find out I was giving it up to him because I felt pressured to do so. When sex becomes a chore, it loses its magic. I don't want it to lose its magic.
grapefruit / 4291 posts
@lizzywiz: yup, I know more than one couple having great sex within a terribly dysfunctional relationship.
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
@blackbird: I didn't want to say it in my initial post, but I actually found this article comforting. We don't do it as much because the variety of meds that the DH takes for his anxiety and asthma. I know we are TTC and doing IUIs, but the stress of TTC was hard for the DH. Also, because of DH's situation, we do freeze his sample so I can still do an IUI. Even though we don't do it often, I still consider myself in a happy relationship. Sex is not the answer to everything. At least, that's how I think of it. Yeah, good for others who can do it more.
GOLD / watermelon / 14076 posts
I think sex is an important component to any relationship. That being said, I don't think sex that results from feelings of pressure (instead of an actual desire) benefits anyone. If one partner has a higher sex drive than another I think there should be some sort of meeting in the middle; never having sex or having sex all the time is going to result in a lot of resentment (and sex is supposed to bring people closer together, not push them further apart!).
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
I would say this is what we do in our relationship (well what we were doing, now that we are TTC it will be more of an EOD kind of thing.) I won't want it ot be forced though & I want us both to enjoy. I agree with this article. I too know people who "must have sex every other day" and those are ones who have rather rocky relationships. One friend even said "if we don't have sex every other day, my husband would think something was wrong or I was going somewhere else for it." and to me that seems so wrong. When did sex take place of communication?
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