Hellobee Boards

I would have a honest conversation with your friend about how important it is for her to have you there. I think you are being very sensitive to this family and gentle with yourself. If my friend would be upset if I did not attend I would go to support but otherwise I would skip it and send a heartfelt card to your friend.

I just unfortunitly attended a funeral for a friend's son lost at 4.5 months due to heart complications! I have a baby boy too about 2 months younger, we would joke about our Italian meatballs and such on FB and it killed me to attend the funeral knowing I went home to my sweet babe and she did Not! My feelings aside she expressed how much it meant to her that I was there!
Her best friend is also 7 months pregnant! As hard as I can imagine it being to be pregnant I feel if your friend sent you the details she would like for you to attend!
I am so sorry and pray for you all!

We lost my niece at almost 3 years old this January. I have a son that was born a couple months before her and I am currently pregnant with a girl and due around her birthday. I struggled with figuring out how to deal with my son during the services and her hospital stays. We didn't want to cause any pain, but most people told us it would be healing for them to have my son at the funeral. We had him come for the visitation and then a friend watched him during the actual services.

I would have a conversation with her and ask if she would like you to be there. Even though it will be hard for you, it sounds like your friend would like you to be there to support her and her family.

Last year a friend of mine lost her son who was 3 months old. Our girlfriend was 8 months pregnant but the friend who lost her son just really wanted her friend there. It was uncomfortable for the pregnant friend but she bit the bullet and went.

Honestly? Having been in this situation myself and having a stillborn daughter...

Unless you hear otherwise from the family that it would be a huge support to the parents for you to be there, if I were you, I'd do my best to be inconspicuous (stay in the back, maybe just greet your friend and then leave, etc.)

My SIL was pregnant with me when our daughter died. Of course I appreciated her and her huge family being there for me, but it KILLED me inside every time I saw her pregnant belly and I knew my leftover pooch was empty.

It wasn't HER...it was just the pregnant belly that was a trigger.

So I'd do what others have said, and talk to your friend. Make sure she knows of your support. And if you want to be there...be there. But try your best to hide the belly and not be too noticeable to the parents (especially the mother).

I'm so sorry for your friend's family. I think in this situation, I would not go, but would visit your friend one-on-one with flowers and a meal. I'd also send flowers and a heartfelt note to the sister. I think that it would be very hard on her to see your pregnant belly. I agree with @MaryM: that if you do go, wear something that attempts to hide your pregnancy and sit/stand in inconspicuous places. You are very sweet and a good friend to take everything into consideration.

@MaryM: thanks for being honest, and sorry for your loss.

Having just illustrated myself how easy it is to offend someone when it's not your intent.....perhaps your best bet is to offer to support your friend AFTER the funeral. Maybe you could pick her up and spend some time together then, and send your condolences to her sister.

ETA: FWIW, just so everyone doesn't think I was being an insensitive jerk....my suggestion of having a stock response of some sort was more in terms of what to say to Great Aunt Mildred who might feel the need to comment on the OP's bump. Not AT ALL that the OP should approach the grieving parents/grandparents/etc. in this way. I realize now I wasn't very clear about who I thought she might need to be ready to discuss her pregnancy with.

My friend lost twins and I was very pregnant. I went for her, not for me. She invited me and she is my friend. I felt a little awkward but did it for her.

@PinkElephant: I just saw your ETA. I didn't think at all that you were suggesting saying this to the grieving parents...but just to play it safe, wanted to suggest that we (loss parents) sometimes overhear things that we know aren't said maliciously, but that can be really hard to reconcile and deal with.

(not aimed at you, but in general...)

They're in a better place

God needed an angel (Theologically, humans and angels are very different...and my God can create an angel if he needs one...he doesn't kill babies to make it happen. In Christianity, dead people who go to heaven become Saints. Not angels.)

Any statements about God's intention in general (because there's no way you, a mortal, know how God is acting or why...and because most Christians don't believe God is in charge of death) including "God never gives you more than you can handle"

At least they know they can get pregnant (or any statement starting with "at least"...at least you had X months with him/her, at least you didn't get too attached)

They can always have another baby (no baby will ever replace this one)

And any and all comments about anyone else's living babies...in or out of the womb.

Overall, I think it would be more safe to avoid Aunt Mildred all together.

@MOMTOLITTLEB: so glad that your friend was honest with you. Doing as you suggested is a wonderful idea. You are a good friend!

I would politely decline and send over flowers instead. Everyone deals with death in their own way and it's impossible to know how they (which includes everyone in their family) would feel to see someone heavily pregnant attend. You also have to consider how going would affect you emotionally. Hormones are no joke! Look out for your own well-being right now. People will understand

I think that's a nice idea to send a card and make a donation. You're very considerate and thoughtful for speaking with your friend about whether or not it would be best for you to attend.

I lost my baby 4 months ago when I was 19 weeks pregnant. I had a termination after finding out the baby had a chromosome abnormality. We haven't had much support from friends or family. Everyone said sorry and then went back to acting like nothing ever happened. Due to this and the fact that I know I'm judged by some people since we had a termination and not a miscarriage, I've had to bounce back and act like everything is fine for months now, but in all honestly it kills me to see pregnant women. I would assume that anyone who lost a baby after birth would feel the same way and would be very sensitive towards pregnant women and babies at a time like this.