Our son (2 1/2) was a pleasant surprise, but a surprise none the less. We'd been married awhile but my husband had gotten out of the marines only about a year prior to getting pregnant. We only had a 1 bedroom apartment, we wanted to buy a house but where we live the housing market is really expensive. my husband works construction and his job was very unstable at the time. We upgraded to a big 2 bedroom when our son was about a year old but we do still rent. My husbands job has gotten more stable over time and a lot more $$ especially the last 6 months to where he wants to have another child... And there's a part of me that wants that too. We give our son a good life and we are a good little family unit together. But being surrounded by big houses in surburbia makes me feel inadequate to the point where I don't know if I should have another child before we buy a house, which we still need some time to do. At the same time, I don't want my children to be far apart in age. So I feel so stressed about it and torn. Has anyone felt like this about baby number 2.. I feel like everyone will think I'm crazy to purposely try to another child now.....
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At some point you have to decide what you want your family to be and just go from there. If you really want another child then go for it and rent a bit longer.
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I feel like this about going for #3 in about a year (#2 is 4 months). But I have decided that I don't really care what anyone else thinks, we have to do what's right for us. As long as no one else is bank rolling us, it's none of their business. When we get to the end of our lives, all that will matter is who is standing beside us. There are no guarantees in life. No guarantee you'll have a house in a few years, no guarantee you won't lose a job after having baby 2, no guarantee it will happen quickly for you. So, while I of course try to plan for the future I realize anything could happen tomorrow and try and live for what I want today (within reason). If you can reasonably provide for a baby and you would like one, I say go for it. Good luck in your decision! It's been amazing watching my two girls together.
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My husband owned a small home when we got married but we bought our family home last year. Our son was 1.5 and it was so stressful to do with a young child- I'm emotional so that factored into how hard it was for me. My husband felt very strongly about owning a bigger home with some land so it was the right thing for us. I am happy we did it but there is something to be said for keeping other things simple while you have young kids!
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@Mamas2k13: I live in NYC and virtually everyone here has rented apartments. And even if they own, it's still an apartment. And almost every friend I have has kids or is expecting while in these apartments. I promise you that while it seems "better" to have a big house with a yard for kids, they don't know any better. My son is 2 and he's as happy and healthy as can be. We still go outside to the playground and take walks. He has no idea that our small-ish apartment is small-ish. He still plays and explores and has fun here. Of course I wish we had more storage and I could buy him things like a play kitchen and not feel like it's taken over our entire living room - but that's a different story.
If you would be in a serious financial bind having a 2nd kid, don't do it. If YOU want a house badly and know you couldn't afford it with a 2nd kid and might resent that, don't do it.
But, if you are purely worried about what others might think or that you're "supposed" to have a house, stop that thought process and have that baby
Some aspects of a house with a kid are easier, but some aspects with an apartment are easier. You'll be ok!
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I certainly don't think owning a sizeable house is a precursor to having kids. Kids everyday needs can easily be met in a smaller living situation. In some ways it could even be better for them and the family unit as a whole.
When making the decision to have a third I really thought about what I wanted my family to look like in 5-20 years. I wanted my kids to be close in age and similar stages of life at the same time. So we will have 3 under 4 and sure there are some sacrifices now, but down the road I think we will be really happy about the decision.
Also, people judge you no matter what decision you make. I would take other's opinions out of the equation entirely.
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We have long term goals of owning a home, but we live in a city where house prices are astronomical. Given the nature of my husbands business there isn't an option to move out of the city to somewhere more affordable, so we rent. We have made peace with that and now rent the biggest place we can fit into budget. We have baby #2 on the way. We decided that home ownership was a lot less important than continuing to grow our family in the way we envisioned. We invest the money we do have in other ways and keep saving for the day when we might be able to make that dream come true too.
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We don't rent but we're still in our 2-bed starter home and I'm expecting #2. I'm content with it for now. Would I prefer a bigger home? Yes, but the prices of bigger homes within our actual city are insane and moving to the suburbs would add a ton of time to our commutes and DH and I would lose most of our family time with our kids during the work week. I honestly don't really care what other people think about our situation. Everyone has to make the choices that are best for their family and right now, ours is to stay in a tiny, cramped place in the city. If you have enough to comfortably provide for another child, I would just go for it and not worry about what other people think or about feeling inadequate.
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I've gone back and forth with it a million times, on top of the apartment living- I would like our savings to be more, I would like my husband to get a new car soon, I worry about my husband's job because without it we are screwed 2 kids or not. I have a very hard time with decision making so it's hard for me to not think about all the negatives when in reality- it will be a stretch somewhat but it wouldnt be as hard as I'm projecting either. ahhhhh.. decisions, decisions.
Some aspects of a house with a kid are easier, but some aspects with an apartment are easier. You'll be ok!
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