DH really wants to hire a baby nurse who would live with us for a couple weeks after the baby comes. He runs his own business so won't be able to take much time off, if any, to help. My mother lives far away so will likely only be able to visit a few weeks after the baby is born. His family lives nearby, but there is no way I would want them helping out a ton (lovely people but not terribly helpful in this regard). I am hesitant to have a stranger in the house those first few weeks, but given that I am prone to anxiety and haven't done this before, I am willing to be open-minded about it. That being said, is there much advantage to having round the clock help when I am already getting up to breastfeed? In my mind, I think the baby nurse saves DH sleep (not having to change diapers) but not me. Not saying that alone isn't worth it, but I am just unsure what the baby nurse does if I am breastfeeding. Isn't it too early to have someone else give bottles in the middle of the night at that stage?
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YES. If you can afford it, I'd do it (they run about $300 per night here). Babies don't know night from day for a while so at the beginning they are just up to be up. My LO didn't start waking just to eat and going back to sleep after eating until around 12 weeks. She'd be up crying, playing etc. all night! A nurse can help take the baby off your hands and try to put him/her back to sleep after you're done feeding so you can sleep.
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I think it can still be helpful...the nurse can bring the baby to you and take the baby when you're done, change diapers and outfits, and basically just be a good source of info for nervous first time parents! If we had anywhere extra for someone to sleep in our apt I would have considered it--but our apt is small so I didn't feel comfortable with a stranger in such a confined space, pluse DH was able to take off a week and a half of work.
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If I had to do it all over again, I would have loved to have a nurse that was also an LC. I had a lot of trouble positioning myself in those early days and it would have been a great help.
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I agree it would be very helpful especially if your Dh can't take time off. I would not do bottles that early if you are committed to breastfeeding, but having someone bring baby to you, then take them away to change, rock, whatever, would be very helpful with catching up in sleep. But make sure you really like and get along with them. My friend had one who sort of grated on her nerves so it was less helpful, but still invaluable since she had a very difficult delivery and recovery- just getting up to get the baby was very painful.
Honestly at almost 4 months I still wouldn't mind a night nurse
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I wouldn't have wanted a baby nurse even in the circumstance you describe, but I may be in the minority. I felt like I did a lot of the night waking/care anyway, not because SO was unavailable or unwilling, but because a lot of nights she just wanted to be latched on nonstop. Regarding bottles, we EBF and started bottles at about 3 or 4 weeks. I never found a nighttime bottle to be very useful because I still had to get up to pump, but I know lots of different things work for people for night feedings.
It is really helpful to just have a second pair of hands though, so what I might consider is a postpartum doula who could come for a while during the days so you can get a shower, nap etc., if you'll be on your own for care a lot of the time. Like
@looch: said, someone who is an LC would be especially useful. -
I definitely think they would be helpful!!! I mean, I don't really know because we didn't have one, but I would think a baby nurse would basically do EVERYTHING for your baby except nurse them (and anything you personally wanted to do). Hubs was able to take off 4 weeks of work when I had Xander and he was essentially the baby nurse. He changed every diaper, changed clothes, burped the baby, rocked him, swaddled him, entertained him, shushed him to sleep, etc. Basically everything EXCEPT nurse him! And it was sooooooooo helpful that the only thing I had to focus on was actually feeding Xander, because that's hard enough on it's own!
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People keep telling me to do this, and that i will regret it if i don't, but we're against it for 2 reasons (which don't seem to apply to you): 1) like hilsy, our place is too small and we feel someone would just be in the way, and 2) my DH will be home with me almost the entire leave, so we think we can manage just the two of us. and i think we're kind of excited about handling the challenges of those first few months together, and someone else would sorta just interfere with our privacy a little.
That said, i took a baby class and they recommended getting a postpartum doula over a baby nurse, because apparently they are more there to help out with other things, like getting you meals and making sure YOU are taken care of so you can care for your baby (and i believe some provide LC services as well). They don't stay with you, but come a few hours a day to help out, and I think they are more expensive, but they recommended that over an around-the-clock baby nurse if you can afford it. Might be an alternative to look into so you have some help when DH isn't around but don't have someone there all the time.
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@Revel: haha didn't see your post until after i posted. I should have just said i second your comment
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@Pirouette: No problem, great minds! I received a similar recommendation about PP doula over a baby nurse. We didn't go with either option though, I just had a few consults with an LC, also very valuable.
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@Revel: that's what i'm planning on doing as well. I'm definitely nervous about BFing more than anything else!
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I agree with Revel and Pirouette. I don't think I would have found a baby nurse helpful since we EBF. I did all the night time wakings and didn't need my husbands help. My LO slept right next to me in a cosleeper so I didn't need anyone to bring her to me either.
I would have LOVED for someone to come and make me food though!!! I absolutely needed help with the cooking.
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Yes, do it! We had a baby nurse and I was BF. It was still immensely helpful - she would knock on my door when it was time for me to feed LO, and she would take over as soon as he was done (burping him, changing him, getting him back to sleep - which is no easy task with a newborn), so I was able to get a lot more rest than I would have otherwise. We did give LO bottles at that stage and it was fine - so there would be one night feeding I would sleep through.
It was just so reassuring and comforting having an expert help us and show us what to do. It made the early newborn days much less overwhelming and a lot more fun!
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Thanks, ladies. You've given me a lot to think about. Good to know that there is a lot the baby nurse can help with even while breastfeeding and also that a postpartum doula is a great option too.
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We had a pp doula come a few times a week after my DH went back to work because LO was very very colicky and we have no family anywhere nearby (nearest parent is 9 hr drive away). It was totally invaluable and actually less expensive than a night nurse would have been. I'd go take a nap and she would watch the baby, do the dishes, do the laundry, make lunch and be ready for when I woke up. It was glorious.
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We had both a Babynurse and pp doula and the Babynurse was way more helpful than the doula! She did everything, changed the babies, rocked them, etc, all I had to do was actually nurse. In those days, even 15-20 mins extra sleep was so valuable, it was totally worth it. We live in a 2-bedroom apt and have a little fold-out futon in the nursery that she slept on. The only difference from what you're describing is that ours only came at night, so from 9pm-7am. We loved our Babynurse so much that she actually became our nanny but even without that, having there the first few weeks (we only did 3-4 nights/week) was amazing. I definitely recommend it!
ETA- our pp doula cost way more than the Babynurse, so it felt ridiculous to us to have paid so much to have her do things like dishes, laundry, etc. I guess it depends on cost in the pp doula vs Babynurse debate! -
i guess i am also in the minority because i don't think i would have been comfortable with a night nurse especially in the early weeks. i was recovering from a c section. i was breastfeeding every few hours, day and night, and still getting used to it. night time i was free to let my boobs hang out, lol. And even though it was an incredibly tough time (the lack of sleep) i survived it and during all those nights with my baby, i just fell in love with him and was happy to be the one taking care of him. I did have DH helping with diapers and sometimes putting him back to sleep if i couldn't.
that being said, LO was not the most difficult baby compared to stories i have heard. we did not have difficulty learning to breastfeed, he started sleeping longer stretches like 4 - 6 hours pretty early on. by 8 weeks, i remember him doing an 8 hour stretch and it stayed like for several months! i guess if things were different, i might feel different.
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We didnt hire someone but my MIL basically did this for us. It was invaluable. I am so thankful she was there. She helped during the night and helped with cooking/housework during the day. I was comfortable enough with her to be topless if necessary and if I hired someone, i would have done the same. They should exoect it in that line of work. Nothing to be embarrased about.
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We considered a night nurse but I just wasn't comfortable with someone else watching DS that early on. I was exhausted for those first weeks but DH was a great help during the day and I was able to nap then. When we have #2 I would like to keep our nanny on while I'm on maternity leave and have her come 4-5 hours a day during the week to help me with DS and possibly give me a break with the baby if DS is sleeping. We don't have family nearby to help so we will be relying on outside help next time around.
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UPDATE: We ended up hiring a baby nurse who has completely saved me the first few weeks of parenthood. She was not the one we originally booked since our baby came 3 weeks early and that baby nurse was engaged. This is one frustrating aspect of the baby nurse process. So we ended up going through a reputable agency and have been pleased with the baby nurse they sent.
I can honestly say that having a baby nurse while breastfeeding saves me several hours of sleep at night. The baby nurse brings him to me and, 25 minutes later, whisks him away to be changed and soothed. I know a lot of mothers who would be upset about someone else doing these tasks (and I admire those mothers), but I find that the extra sleep makes me a MUCH better and happier mom. The few nights we have had him on our own has resulted in both of us getting about 2-3 hours less sleep.
Going into this, I was very skeptical of the value that a baby nurse would add to breastfeeding, but I am a convert. Part of this is due to the fact that DH went back to work right away, but also because our son was born early and was losing weight rapidly. The baby nurse helped us come up with and execute a plan to pack on his pounds by nursing round the clock and supplementing with pumped milk. Now that he is growing, I still find that she is immensely helpful in me getting a semi-good night's sleep.
Anyway, I heard from several doulas that baby nurses were not supportive of breastfeeding, but that has been the opposite of my experience. The baby nurses we interviewed were extremely happy to hear I would be breastfeeding. And although it would be nice to have a postpartum doula take care of me after labor, having someone help me take care of the baby at all hours of the night has been much more worthwhile. But this preference, of course, might not be true for everyone.
Btw, the baby nurse works for about $15/hour and doulas quotas us around $25/hour.
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so glad you had a positive experience! if we have a second child i would like to get a night nurse even if we are breastfeeding.
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@raintreebee: So glad to hear it worked out so well! I can definitely see how it would help while breastfeeding. Did she just come at night or what she there round the clock? Did she have a place to sleep (in the baby's room?)? My one friend who had someone come stay after the baby was born (I am honestly not sure if she was a nurse or what) had her day and night for a week or 2, and she slept on the couch. Not sure what's normal, or if there is a normal.
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@Foodnerd81: For the first two weeks, she was here round the clock at a reduced hourly rate. Now, we switched her to just nights so that I can have more "space" during the day. She sleeps on an airbed in the baby's room.
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