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Subscribing coz you know Im freaking out about this too!

Can you link to the article please? Id like to read it and scare myself silly!!

I was pretty clear I only wanted immediate family and a few of my close friends at the hospital. Everyone was very respectful and didn't say for extended periods of time.

The first few weeks, family was over for extended periods of time (2-6 hours at a time), but they weren't just passing around the baby, they also cooked, cleaned, and folded laundry. I had lots of one on one time with LO and so did DH.

My friends organized a meal drop calendar, so most people just only came on their assigned day, dropped off dinner, stayed for 15 minutes and left.

I was pretty clear from the start what I wanted, and I don't recall anyone overextending their welcome or disrespecting my wishes while I was still in the hospital.

We had a small problem after we came home, though. I had a c-section, and couldn't get in our bed so I was sleeping on our couch. When we had visitors, they were sitting on my make-shift "bed" so I couldn't nap while we had company. We solved this by declining requests to visit, or asking visitors to come at another time. Everyone was accommodating and understanding!

We pre-made meals & friends + family helped cook and clean for us.

this was so real to me! i knew going in i was going to need a little down time to recoup because i do battle anxiety.

while i was pregnant i told everyone that i just wanted DH for the birth and no one in the waiting room. i wanted to have confidence in my body and not feel rushed. i followed that up with only immediate family and super close friends at the hospital.

same went for when we got home - immediate family and close frienfs.

for the most part it worked out. i had a coworker visit me unannounced at the hospital and i was mortified. i didn't let her hold the baby and to this day she talks about how 'strange' i was to her that day. my ILs were like a dog with a bone - they wanted extended family and friends to meet LO. they pulled a fast one on me and came by after church the second weekend we were home with 4 people in tow. I just about died.

All in all I felt like I got time to recover and bond. I know I pissed a ton of people off but it wasn't about them and I always repeat what DH tells me 'He is our baby'

@grizz: they stayed for all of 5 minutes. i think i scared them!

I was worried about this too, but it ended up not being so bad. Only immediate family and close friends visited in the first few weeks and to be honest, sometimes it was nice to have someone else hold DD so I could *shower* and feel a little human again!

A friend gave me a good tip too ... have a list of things that need to get done waiting when your visitors arrive! That way they see it and will most likely be happy to help and you won't have to worry about even asking.

Oh ~ and one more thing ... if you're feeling anxious and need alone time with the baby ~ scoop her up, say it's time to nurse and disappear into your bedroom for as long as you need! No one will question an hour long nursing session with a newborn!

I can totally relate to her story. We didn't have a ton of visitors in the early days and my baby blues subsided by one month, but last week my MIL was in town, and while she didn't stay with us, my anxiety definitely came back while she was here. It wasn't her fault, but I felt self-conscious about feeding him so much because she didn't breastfeed so couldn't understand feeding on demand. I felt like she would think my feeding him was keeping him from her. As soon as I was done I felt obligated to hand him over, but I knew that soon after his feeding he'd get fussy and need a nap and that having somebody in his face and holding him upright and talking to him constantly would overstimulate him and make it harder to get him down. Then I felt weird about going to put him down so frequently and going to nap with him and then having to feed him again, etc. It made it worse that the house was a mess, nobody offered to clean or help with laundry, I was often unshowered, nobody offered to get me food or water while I fed, etc. When we have visitors, no matter how much people say - and mean - "be yourself, don't entertain us," I feel like I have to. So by the end of her weeklong visit I was a mess, hiding out in the bedroom, scowling at her, resenting DH, and crying in private.

That being said, take the time you need and don't feel bad about wanting to be with your baby for more than just feeding. I slip into feeling like everybody gets the baby smiles and cuddles and I get him as soon as he's a hungry mess wailing for milk. Then he falls asleep eating or he's a tired mess crying while I put him to sleep, then he wakes up wailing for milk and I feed him to get him nice and fun fit others to hold. Rinse, repeat. This is all in your control. Hog your baby. Who cares if people are disappointed? You won't regret not giving others time with him - you will regret not giving yourself time with him.

Oh, and totally tell people what you need when they ask. I always say, nothing, because I don't want to "burden" them. I wish I'd taken more advantage of help in those first couple weeks.

@grizz: I am a huge people pleaser too - but there's only 2 people to please now, you and baby!

@grizz: @ladyfingers: Nobody mothers the mother! Everyone wants to *help with the baby* when what should be happening is that everyone should be HELPING THE MAMA so she can take care of the baby! *augh* This has to be my single biggest complaint about visitors and parents/in-laws . . . especially those with children! Talk about disappointing!

@grizz: Your request is sooooo not unreasonable! Take the time you need for your new family. If anyone is hurt or disappointed, well, that's their problem!

@Mrs. Jump Rope: We had the exact opposite experience. *Everyone* (and by that I mean my parents and my in-laws) overstayed their welcome *and* disrespected our wishes. It was a nightmare, and while I am willing to forgive, several relationships have been irrevocably changed because of it (it is impossible to forget).

I was very clear from the beginning (i.e., pregnancy) , and even so, when I followed through on those wishes it caused a massive issue in DH's family. Suffice to say, he's not on speaking terms with anyone but his father now. Yeah. I won't get into all the details publicly but all I wanted was no visitors the day or two after we came home, but then my mom and dad dropped things off for me, FIL saw and told everyone on that side (they live next door), and I was accused (2 months later, after being treated crappily in the meantime) of treating them differently than my family.

Was also told I should have "sucked it up" by my SIL when I told her I was in pain and didn't want visitors (she tried to come over) the day we came home. She has had 2 kids, btw.

Honestly, I'm glad I stuck my guns because I got tons of bonding time with DH and LO, but, I hate that they made it all so miserable for me.

If visitors are considerate, it is not so bad to have visitors post partum. For us, no one stayed longer than an hour and as soon as he needed to be fed, they gave him up and I took him away to nurse. The visitors usually left while I was nursing or made themselves useful by washing dishes. Our visitors also mostly came with food which really helped during those first couple of weeks when we had no time to cook.

We were ok with visitors at the hospital because we knew it would just be our immediate family and close friends. However, we made it very clear that EVERYONE needed to call before coming.

Our hospital implemented a "nap" time and kicked visitors out from 1-3pm. It was GREAT! It wasn't seriously enforced but it was really nice to have some quiet time.

Once home, I agree with making a list of helpful things if you think people are going to stay for a while. I learned that if a friend was going to stay for longer than 15 minutes, then they needed to put themselves to use (aka, hold the baby so I can shower or load the dishwasher while I feed the baby). But I got fed up with just sitting there chatting watching them hold my baby.

@MsLipGloss: exactly. They'd hold the baby and when he'd get fussy hand him back to me saying to him, oh you're hungry, I can't help you there, har dee har!! Meanwhile I'm scrambling to make myself some lunch so I can eat and make milk to feed my baby. How about making me lunch instead of getting in my baby's face for 10 minutes? I know he's cute and all, but sheesh.

@grizz: I know I upset several people, but I just didn't let my LO get passed around - EVER. I totally used the FTM/over-protective mama bear excuse, but I knew I couldn't handle it, and I didn't want my baby to have to handle it either. Even now at 6 mos. I won't just hand her over to someone.

I've already started to plan this out. My parents are the only ones who will come to the hospital, which makes sense and shouldn't hurt any feelings since my IL"s live far away and need to plan flights and hotels anyway. Then the first two weeks at home will be me and DH only, if we have visitors at all it will be seldom and only for like an hour at a time. No overnight and no out of town.

After that my MIL wants to come stay with us to help out which I really do appreciate, but we are still deciding if we want her to wait until I go back to work or not. That is when we'll REALLY need help. And putting her up for a week + will be hectic and stressful even though she is super helpful. If we can delay putting the baby in daycare due to her visit, she will be worth her weight in gold. But at the same time I don't want to make her wait a full 3 months if she's anxious to come earlier.

This is a great thread!!! I'll be sure to reference it when I'm closer to due date. A little off topic so I'll start a new thread stemming off of this (re: helpful lists.) Unless there's already one. I'll search.
@Grizz: OMG, I am soooooooooooo glad that your DH is starting to come around!!!!!

@grizz: "my smother in law though"

OMG< too funny. I am glad it sounds like your DH is coming around, if not send him to the bee and we can set him straight. His ideas with all these visitors was cray cray:)

@MsLipGloss: THIS!

I had sooooo many people irritated with me because I didn't and still don't hand him over.

I was completely honest and said I was feeling anxious and I felt better if I was holding him.

Thankfully DH is not a pass the baby person either but I solidified it by talking to him all the time about how stressful it is for newborns to be away from their mamas for long periods of time. He is now such a papa bear!

@grizz: I'm so glad your DH is finally on board. That's the key, having a partner who understands that you're not being unfair asking to keep visiting to a minimum, you actually do need this time to bond, establish breastfeeding, get into a routine of sorts...

I'm not having quite the success you report! DH is completely not on board with setting "visiting hours" and, in fact, thinks I'm being unreasonable! And yesterday the MIL stepped it up a gear announcing that she will be dropping round a casserole or a meal to us every day when we're back from the hospital and will not be leaving until she's had "sufficient cuddles" (every freaking day!!). I'm going to commit murder, I feel it in my (hormonal) waters!!