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My "balance" was/is definitely heavier toward the sharing side. I kept things pretty private while we were TTC and even once we had an infertility diagnosis - I had one coworker/friend that I shared lots with while we ran together training for a 5k.

Once we started actively pursuing IVF, I realized that missing so much work was leading to rumors about what was going on. I decided I'd rather tell people the details I was willing to share (we're going through some infertility treatments, hope to have good news to share in a few months) rather than deal with the hints that maybe I was already pregnant (especially from our nosy school secretary who dealt with all of my leave slips). That turned into sharing more details with the people I work with all the time and really trust. My teammates knew about my transfer day and even brought DH and me dinner while I was on bed rest. They also knew very quickly when I was pregnant, and I didn't try to keep it a secret from the rest of the staff. I figured that they were such an awesome support system while we were going through treatments that they would continue to support us and help me manage at work regardless of the outcome.

Most of the people we see day to day knew what was going on, and everyone was very respectful of us, letting us share what we wanted to and not pushing too hard for extra details. I've never minded answering honest questions about infertility and IVF.

I didn't mean that post to be so long and rambling, but dinner's ready, so I'm going to post instead of editing!

@Happygal: Forgot to add that our parents knew EVERYTHING. My poor mom was on the receiving end of several hysterical teary phone calls from me throughout the entire process. I think I first clued her in to the fact that we were TTC after we had been trying for 6 months and she made a comment within my earshot about "just waiting" for grandkids. One of the best benefits of telling people just enough is that they became extra sensitive and respectful about what comments or jokes they made that would otherwise be normal or acceptable. Our parents also knew everything as we did IVF because we stayed at their houses and they watched our dog for many appointments because they live closer to our clinic.

Letting our friends and family know about our IF was so, so rewarding. We haven't had one negative comment, and everyone was so willing to do anything they could to lighten some of our stress. I think they also know a whole lot more about IF and IVF now, which I see as a big positive. Even if this pregnancy hadn't/doesn't work out, I don't think I'll regret telling people... I'll need them to pick me up!

@Happygal: Yep, I was. I choose carefully which friends would be the right support. Hard thing to do, but I was lucky to have them! I forgot to mention, my BFF also knew about everything the whole time (she lives far away, so email only). She wasn't great support though, so I eventually stopped sharing with her.

@Happygal: I've told too many people that we're trying. It's hard when they ask for updates or "good news" when I have none. My mom has also been asking when I'll be testing, etc. It's annoying and adds stress. So, I haven't handled it like I should have.

I shared with close co-workers, friends and family during our two-year infertility battle. There were just so many surgeries, procedures, hard blows along the way and their support got me through what was definitely without a doubt the hardest two years of my life. Then IVF at the end of that whole thing was super stressful so it was great having all of their support! But I'm not a private person at all. I'm a talker and feel closer to others through communicating and sharing and I wouldn't have it any other way. If I were a more private person, I'm sure I wouldn't have shared all of our infertility struggles with that many people. Probably just my mom and a few close friends. But I had a co-worker going through IVF at the same time as me and it was great for us to support each other!

I'm not going through IF, so I may not be quite as sensitive to it, but I think it's probably similar to what we went through with my MC

I did reach out to a few key people that I knew had experienced something similar just so that I could relate to them and know I was at least somewhat "normal"...even if it was in an abnormal way.

But I was still pretty picky about those I chose. Both my sister and SIL had been through it, but I knew my sister would ask inappropriate things and get WAY too all up in my business come time to try again. So I leaned more on my SIL. She's more likely to just ask "How are you" or "How are things going" and expect an honest answer. I don't have to worry about her probing as much, and I know she won't be offended if I don't text her back or if I talk about regular life instead of TTC.

I'm much happier having a core group of about 5 people I can turn to instead of having everyone and their mother poking and prodding me.

It's a tough line to walk, and it is so personal that I feel like it's hard to answer this for someone else.

My suggestion is to start small - just tell 1-2 people that you know you can count on, but that you would also feel comfortable saying, "look, TTC is a struggle and we are doing x, y, and z... sometimes I will need to lean on you or cry on your shoulder, but please understand that this is really difficult, so I will share news or information when I have it - otherwise, I would appreciate it if you could just be there for me." For me, that was my mom and my MIL. Gradually, we started telling a few friends that we saw a lot and who I trusted. Everyone really respected the boundaries, although a few times I had to tell my mom that I was having a tough time so I really needed her to back off.

I never had much luck sharing with friends who didn't have experience in either miscarriage or taking a long time to conceive. I'm pretty close to my mom and she didn't really get it either. People who haven't been through it don't know how it can kind of consume you. How your life starts to revolve around appointments and blood draws and wandings and peeing on sticks. And how you can feel such pull to have a child and yet doubt whether it'll ever happen.

At least, that was my experience. I do have one friend who got it, and we both helped each other through difficult stuff regarding TTC/miscarriages.

@Happygal: That's great! It feels so good to have people you can confide in (both online and IRL)...