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@Jess1483: BTW--did you make homemade pudding?
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@Jess1483: Thank you.
I agree...I think everyone here is going to be an absolutely wonderful mother to their babies. We just need to wait for them to be ready to be ours'.
Eta: I edited this far too much because I didn't want it to sound like I was tooting my own horn. I just think we have an amazing group here.
Eta x 2: Okay, I will keep it!
After everything my husband and I have been through, I know we will not take our (hopefully) future children for granted. I don't know how tough it is to be a mom, but I will will remember how hard it is when I don't even get the chance to a struggle at being a mom. Everyone on here is so loving and I know our future babies will be "lucky" to have mommas who are grateful for them and fervent in their love.
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@Jess1483: That's a beautiful thought.
And I think HB keeps eating my posts...ETA: Nevermind...there they are!
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@simplyfelicity:
& 
!
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@FliegepilzHut: I did, for my husband's birthday. It turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself!
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@Jess1483: Chocolate? I made some fantastic pie filling once...which is essentially pudding.
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@FliegepilzHut: Yep! What is pudding if it isn't chocolate??
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@FliegepilzHut: HB is sooooo weird lately. I will take the extra
! 
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@Jess1483: I agree completely. Although I think some people favor butterscotch...
@simplyfelicity: I liked your first rendition.
And maybe we're overloading the Bee???
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@FliegepilzHut: Those people are wrong.
@simplyfelicity: I liked the first version, too. I know you are going to be an AMAZING Mama.
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I can't wait to cheer you guys on throughout pregnancy & beyond.
Some days, I worry I'll never get there again. I remember feeling like this before IVF last time... that terrifying feeling of 'what if' things don't turn out. I'm feeling that again lately... so snuggling my ridiculously special girl tight, and being so thankful for her.
Love you strong ladies. x
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@Jess1483: Hehehe...
@jaguar:
you too, lady! You'll get there soon. Please join us over on the IVF boards when you're ready!
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@FliegepilzHut: @Jess1483: I can't remember what I wrote, exactly, but I amended it. Thanks for encouraging me to be confident about being a mom one day.
@jaguar: Ummmmm...I can't wait to cheer YOU on!
you big time, too. Any thoughts on when you will have your next FET? (Sorry if I said it wrong, I really want to learn but I know very little about IVF.)
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@simplyfelicity: Nope, you said it perfect! It'll depend on my cycle. If I haven't O'ed, I won't expect a period anytime soon - my cut off is the end of September... if nothing by then, I'll take Provera ( a drug that you take for 10 days, to medically bring on a period) ... then start a fresh cycle in mid-October, hopefully O using more meds (ugh) and ****if**** all goes well, a FET in November. It's so far away.
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@FliegepilzHut: I'll definitely keep popping in out and out of the boards. I just feel really down at the moment about not being able to cycle NOW when I really, really want to!
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@jaguar: I understand. No pressure at all.
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@FliegepilzHut: Just so many pregnancies, they're everywhere & I'm drowning in them. Even in the IF threads (which is FABULOUS) but my heart is sad again.
I hate being miserable. I miss being excited and thrilled about what was to come.
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@jaguar: So many hugs to you right now!!!
Please let me know if there's anything I can do.
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@FliegepilzHut: That's great news!! Yay for november!!! And also, put me down for chocolate (and not butterscotch) as well!! Yum! Glad it turned out!
@simplyfelicity: Glad I could help - That's what I'm here for!!! I told myself we were going to be casual about ttc, but it definitely didn't happen!! lol Good luck - I hope that AF comes soon!! I'm glad you felt some joy - I know it will continue to get better for you
And you're right - we're all going to be amazing mommies!@Jess1483: You are totally right. I keep telling myself that God is waiting for some REALLY special babes to send to us
@jaguar: Hugs! I feel the same way about my DS. While I didn't struggle with IF, I feel like this m/c has made me appreciate him and what I DO have 150x more.
You WILL get there soon. I know it!I've been getting really annoyed at some people who are constantly complaining about pregnancy symptoms (morning sickness, pains, etc). I feel like I took it all for granted when I was pregnant with DS and it KILLS me now to hear other people doing it. I just want to scream "but you're going to have a baby when it's all over!!".....I had 8 weeks of bleeding for NOTHING. Argh. End rant.
Feeling emotional and anxious today as I pack for vacation. I should have had a big round belly on the beach at 22 weeks along - and oddly was really looking forward to that bump in a bathing suit.
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AF is here!!!!!! Hooray!!!!
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@ValentineMommy: I felt exactly like you after my 3rd miscarriage. I had 8 weeks of bleeding as well and it was pure torture. I had 6 weeks of bleeding after my 1st miscarriage, and when I told my BFF that I just wished I would stop bleeding, she tried to commiserate since she just gave birth. Not the same. At all.
@jaguar: I'm so sorry you're sad. You're completely allowed to be sad...just keep that in mind. Sending lots of hugs your way.
Things went ok at the RE. We have a plan, which is the good news. I'm just down on myself again and I don't know how to get out of the funk.
They did DH's SA yesterday while we did my procedure. He, of course, has absolutely nothing wrong. Not that I wanted anything to be wrong, but it just puts so much weight and pressure on me, and I'm mad/sad about it.
The procedure itself hurt. I forgot how nice it is to have a male doctor and how careful they are vs. a female. She was not gentle at all and every last thing she did hurt like heck! She found a ton of scar tissue in my uterus. There's a bunch right at the openings to my tubes and a ton towards the back of my uterine wall that is collapsing it and essentially cutting my uterus in half. So after that, she canceled the HSG for today and wants to do surgery asap. Her first surgery date is of course LO's 2nd brithday, and for my own sanity, I just don't want to do it then. So we're scheduled for late October which seems like years away.
In the meantime, she wants me on birth control. I feel crappy about that too. When I initially came off of birth control, it took 84 days to get my first period. Then my cycles were 45-50 day cycles after that...so that just makes me nervous. Not to mention, I don't handle hormones well, so I know I'm going to be a crazy person until surgery.
Overall, I just feel crappy. I cried through the whole procedure because I knew as soon as she got in there that it was me and I just couldn't control the emotion. She indicated that it was likely due to all of my miscarriages and that each one was compounding the scar tissue issue. I'm thinking that LO is nothing short of a miracle for making it through it all. I'm so thankful for him.
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@Jess1483: YAAY!
@2PeasinaPod: It isn't your fault. Please don't blame yourself. I know it's easier said than done, though. I'm glad you at least have a plan, and a surgery set in place to remove the scar tissue. So many hugs!
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Man, what's up with HB?? I'm still subscribed to this thread, but I've missed this entire page
@jaguar: @2PeasinaPod: Big hugs to both of you
@Jess1483: I'm so glad your cycles are returning!!!
Seriously...when in our lives did we ever think we'd be genuinely happy for people getting their periods???
I'm guessing I'll be sort of in and out in the near future as well. It's just starting to sink in that DH and I should have a baby now. We still haven't settled on what we're doing Monday, but I'm really glad I took it off. My productivity has severely stalled this week!
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@ValentineMommy: I'm going to have to make more chocolate pudding at this rate...
I'm sorry vacation is serving as a painful reminder...it really can be anything, can't it? I do hope you have a wonderful time, though! @Jess1483: YES!
@2PeasinaPod: I'm so glad that you have an answer...and so sorry that you feel personally responsible.
Did you have to have multiple D+Cs after m/c? Even "normal" pregnancy and childbirth can leave scar tissue, I think. Hopefully your DH is able to say the right things...does he know how badly you're feeling? Lots of and hugs! I hope the surgery works beautifully! -
@Jess1483: Congrats on AF arriving!
@MaryM: Sending lots of hugs your way as well. It's tough as due dates arrive.
On top of all of this, I have a huge work decision to make and I'm incredibly nervous about it.
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And I forgot to comment...I prefer vanilla pudding. so there!
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@FliegepilzHut: Thank you! Yes, DH definitely knows that I'm sensitive to this being an issue with my body rather than his. He's incredibly supportive and says all of the right things. I've had 2 D&Cs and 2 natural miscarriages. My RE referred to it as Asherman's Syndrome which seems to indicate it's likely due to both of my D&Cs. Here's hoping she can correct it. I'm just annoyed that she does surgery so infrequently and I have to wait so long because I want to spend time with LO on his birthday.
My mom of course keeps telling me that he'll have no idea that it's his birthday, but it matters to me. I don't want to push him aside just because I'm going through this. He's my little miracle and I want to celebrate that.
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@MaryM: I am really sorry you're having a rough time. Sending thoughts of delicious home-cooked vanilla pudding your way!
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@2PeasinaPod: It makes perfect sense to me to enjoy your LO's birthday to the fullest. I'm so glad your DH is supportive...just take it one step at a time.
FX for you! -
@Jess1483: hooray!! it's so ironic when you hope it's coming after so many months of hoping it doesn't.
@2PeasinaPod: I worry about this too as I've had 2 D&Cs. It's so hard not to blame yourself. I blamed myself throughout TTC for DD and it just made things worse. Would you blame DH if it were him? You're in it together. There's just some issues that need a little tweaking.
@MaryM: I've been having a really rough few days too...probably as due date #1 approaches. I think it's definitely some delayed grief. This last CP didn't hurt as much at the time but I think it's now really throwing me that something is F-ed up with my body. Also - I got shingles 2 weeks ago and now am dealing with a flare up of dermatitis on my face which is just plain embarrassing.I'm heading to the ob/gyn today to discuss what's been going on and to figure out if I'm going todo any testing. I am supposed to start trying again this month (week!) but I have a feeling after all that is going on with my body, they're going to suggest I take a month off. I know in my head that is the best thing to do but I can't get the strength to take a month off and not try. What do you guys think?
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@Tidybee: It's easier to say it than do it, but I'd wait and see what the doctor says and then think about what's best for you before deciding when to TTC. Or maybe err on the side of NTNP?
I couldn't get an appointment with my dr. until Oct. 1, so I'm hoping this cycle I can try practicing letting go again. I'm pretty sure things aren't going to magically happen on their own, so I don't want to stress myself out more than usual by trying to be perfect in timing BDing and peeing on a ton of sticks.
But I know in my heart I can't completely let go either. Last month was pretty decent in not going overboard, so I'm hoping for something similar this month. I feel like I might have been less let down when AF showed up since I hadn't spent as much energy obsessing.
Now AFTER I see the doctor, I'm assuming all bets will be off and I'll be telling DH which nights to wake me up when he gets home in the middle of the night!
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@Jess1483: I have never been jealous of someone's period!!!! #miscarriageweirdness
@jaguar: I pray it will come. I got a glimpse of hope yesterday and I am holding on it.... November does seem like forever away but you have a plan and I hope you find comfort in that. In the meantime, maybe enjoy everything fall (well, spring for you, right? has to offer. So many, many hugs
@FliegepilzHut: @jaguar: So many well wishes for November!!!
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@simplyfelicity: Thanks! I've got some hoops to jump through first, but we'll get there!
I got another beta drawn Weds, because my RE wants to see absolute zero before I can have my RPL labs drawn (and just in general)...and it's still 12.6 (2 days shy of 4 weeks post D+C). It's just another blood draw, I guess.
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@ValentineMommy: I hope you enjoy your vacation and just soak it in. Have fun!
@2PeasinaPod: I am so glad you have some answers finally but I am sorry you feel in anyway responsible. Whenever I am in one of those places where I blame myself for something I am not guilty of, I think to myself, "would I say that to my best friend? Would I tell her she was at fault?" Of course you wouldn't...you deserve the same treatment! This happened to you and not because of you. I think you should make whatever decisions that give your heart peace. You truly, truly deserve it.
@Tidybee: Hmmm...that's a tough one. What about NTNP? Just chilling, if you think you might be ovulating, sneak in some BD? Please let us know how your appointment goes.
@MaryM: I am NTNP for September, if I ever get my AF. Does your OB have any next steps for you or is this your first appointment? Wishing you peace on your EDD.
AFM, I am still waiting on AF...DH and I really haven't been that careful, especially yesterday. I figured, though, by 4 weeks and 3 days I probably ovulated if I will this cycle...Now I am nervous. I have never wanted to NOT be pregnant during TTC. It's weird...
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@simplyfelicity: This will be the appointment where hopefully we set next steps.
It's my annual, but at last year's annual she said to call her if we weren't KU in the next 6 months. I'm going right around CD 21, so I'm hoping she'll do a draw for progesterone on the spot since it's at a good point in my cycle to test for it, and because I've been spotting in my LP.
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@FliegepilzHut: Seriously - one minute I'm super excited, the next I'm like.....meh.
I'm sure it will be great once I'm there and not packing still!!@2PeasinaPod: FWIW, I don't think I could do it on DS's birthday either, whether or not he would know. You have to do what's right for you.
@MaryM: I'm sorry you're having a tough time!! We all know how that goes. I hope everything gets better with time (for all of us!)!!
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@Tidybee: Only you know what's best for you. If the doctors tell you to wait, make sure to ask questions why. If by chance you get pregnant again and something bad happens, are you going to blame yourself for not taking the doctors advice? That's what my husband kept telling me - cause he knows I would. Not that there's any guarantees either way. Just one more thing to worry about. Do what's best for you!
@simplyfelicity: right? m/c weirdness is totally a thing. Being jealous of periods, happy when my period came.....SO weird. But "normal" I think.
Thank you for the well wishes - I really need some relaxation!!! FX this TWW goes fast -
@2PeasinaPod: I'm so sorry that you're feeling so responsible. It's so hard not to, but I hope that you find some peace there. I also hope you can move forward soon. I would do the same thing with LO1's birthday, I totally get it. And good luck with your work decision!
@MaryM: @simplyfelicity: Yeah, this whole thing is super weird. But thanks for being happy for me!
@MaryM: I'm trying to be zen about this cycle, but I've already calculated what my EDD would be, and I've pretty much decided DH and I should DTD every 36 hours (damn the excruciating pain!) starting as soon as my period ends. I might put it on the calendar. So yeah, not so much.
@FliegepilzHut: My doc never drew my levels, just suggested taking a pregnancy test at home. I hope your levels drop to 0 soon.
@ValentineMommy: Have an amazing vacation!
@Tidybee: So sorry you're having a rough time. I hope your appointment is helpful.
As for me, I had a massage today, and it was really awesome. I scheduled it pre-m/c, since my guy books out 1-2 months. Between that and AF's arrival, I feel like I turned a corner. At the same time, my friend is like, in labor as we speak. I think I'm more excited than jealous, but... we'll see.
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Is anyone else still waiting for AF post d&c or miscarriage? I had my d&c 8/7 and still no signs of anything. Granted, I had some complications from it- it's crazy how much I want my cycle to be back!!
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@mrs bunchy: I am still waiting...*crickets* My D &C was August 11th.
!
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