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Thank you.

Thank you.

I can't tell you how tired I get of people telling me I just 'set myself up for disappointment' by taking classes, hiring a doula, and writing a birth plan for C's birth. And that i have a healthy baby and should get over it. RAWR.

@MoonMoon: one of them was my own OB

Absolutely agree.

I have to admit...I know it's real, but I have a really hard time understanding it now. I went through a hell of a labor with S, and I didn't even get to bring her home. I'm so traumatized by that that I'm totally skipping labor this time around and doing every little precaution in this pregnancy. But, if I go through another hard labor, but get to bring my baby home alive with me, then it's all worth it.

I know birth trauma is a real thing, but as someone who has been through worse, it's hard for me to understand it.

@loveisstrange: Oh, I know...as I said, I know it's real. I just have a hard time with it myself.

Thanks for posting this.

I was not *disappointed* at all - I didn't make a plan for that very reason - but my birth experience was brutal. Induced (syntocin) with no pain meds (and not by choice). I was in full shock for 24 hours afterwards. It was and still is harrowing to me. Something that should be so beautiful.... was terrifying. My body was completely out of control.... I wouldn't say I have any ongoing trauma but I feel like I lost a piece of myself that day.

@Dandelion: Of course you feel this way. I would too.

Thanks for posting this. This is something I think about a lot and reading it validated my feelings. I planned for and had a natural birth. I appreciate that I got just about everything on my birth plan and me beautiful healthy baby. So I feel really silly and guilty that I have any hang ups with my birth. Labor was (somewhat) beautiful and empowering for 48 hours. Then I went into transition at shift change and everything about the experience changed. I am the woman that feels traumatized by her experience with the hospital staff. OK, there I actually typed it. Yes, I feel silly and ungrateful. And that makes me feel worse. The article made me feel like somebody else understands. I certainly feel alone in that feeling IRL.

I don't have obtrusive thoughts and I'm not depressed but I would say I have hang ups and I'm not over it.

@Dandelion: You experienced a loss I cannot imagine. My heart goes out to you. I am glad you posted your feelings because they helped me identify mine.

@deerylou: I've talked about this a lot. I think trauma can be the right word, but we have to be cautious about PTSD. For PTSD to apply, one has to have truly feared for their life, or the life of their baby, or witnessed the death of their baby. It's a criteria of the diagnosis. I also wonder if sometimes postpartum depression is attributed to birth trauma because there is a stigma associated with ppd.

I want to clarify, I am not trying to challenge anyone's feelings. They are all legitimate and anyone who makes you feel otherwise is an asshole. It's just that birth trauma is a new concept / word, and as a mental health professional I'm curious about it, it's role in society, and of course, for individuals.

@Silva: Yes! My new OB told me I was actually her first patient she would attribute a PTSD diagnosis to. Our birth process looked grim for DS, and I will never forget how scary it was, since my mom lost my brother during birth. That is so much different than just being disappointed about a birth not going exactly according to the birth plan.