Hellobee Boards

@highwire: this was me exactly.
I was working 40+ hours a week and DS was quite comfortable with bottles and easily distracted when breastfed. When I breastfed him during the daytime hours I felt like I was forcing him. He'd squirm and cry and spit.
Nursing him at night was awesome. He's never been a cuddly baby and that was out chill down time. For a short while he was nursing throughout the night and though it was tough, I'm glad we had that time together.
Around 10 months he was only nursing morning and night and sometimes during the day but that was rare. By 11 months he stopped nursing in the morning and then a couple weeks later gave up the nighttime nursing, too.

I kept going out of my own stubbornness. I hated pumping so much. Once I gave it up I felt a lot better.

@highwire: I agree that you've done a tremendous job so far. I want to be supportive, but I also don't want to see you drive yourself crazy just to meet the AAP recommendation. There are a lot of other factors in play... I think that you and DH having a strong relationship is just as important for her as having your milk... so if weaning or dropping sessions would allow him to bond more and be more involved - and you feeling less resentful, then it might be a worthwhile trade off. I am struggling with the same decision. My DH is doing better too, but I still feel a little resentful because with my LO being EBF, he rarely even gets the chance to give her a bottle. I think I may compromise and introduce formula and/or solids at 6 months. I think a happy, less stressed mom, and parents that are getting along, is worth a lot. That being said, I totally get the desire to bf for the germ protection, bonding, etc., so if you want to continue, I will forget what I just said and support you 100%. It is such a tough decision.

This is not breastfeeding related, but I did want to respond to the comment that you made above about bonding.

Bonding is different for every person and it's something that sometimes, from the outside looking in, we can not understand. My husband and son are extremely close, like attached. This was not the case the first year of his life, where he preferred me. I never thought I would have a break, but ever since my son turned two, he has been all about his father.

I guess what I am saying is that bonding is a process, it's not an event that has a start and end date.

@highwire: also, I know it's been said over and over "a baby doesn't self-wean before one" but, IMO, if mama is away all of the daylight hours 80 % of the time baby is going to find out that food comes faster and more often out of a bottle. I literally would've had to hold him down and force him to continue breastfeeding. I preferred to let him dictate
good luck, mama (((hugs)))

First of all, you have done an amazing job providing C with as much breastmilk as she's had thus far, especially given your struggles.

If I were you I would drop to just nursing morning and night and doing formula for day time feeds. I think that would eliminate all the stress you have surrounding pumping at work, and then on the weekends it would allow your hubs to be much more involved in feeding her. Two big wins for you. Plus you still get the benefits of nursing for those two sessions.

Hugs! I know it's been hard. I think that even if you can just do the morning session, you'll be doing her a lot of good antibody-wise. I don't have any experience to share, but good luck with whatever you decide! No matter what, you will be doing the best for you and her, so don't fret.

I de-lurked and registered just to respond to this (Hi!).

I have SO much empathy for you, Highwire! BFing was a struggle for me and DS from day one and I, like you, often feel like he prefers the bottle. We have the additional challenge of MSPI. It has been hard to reconcile these feelings with the warm and fuzzy expectations I had while pregnant. Thankfully I am able to keep up with his needs, though just barely and not without so. much. pumping. I realized that during a regular work day, I'm about 75% focused on pumping, 20% focused on drinking/eating/supplementing to maintain my supply, and maaaybe 5% focused on actual work. At home, I’m either nursing or pumping and that has definitely affected my relationship with DH. My main motivator has also been providing antibodies to DS, and avoiding the expense of hypoallergenic formula. When I've vented to coworkers and friends, I've received a lot of great support and advice. The one thing that really stuck out to me was what a coworker told me: "Sick now, or sick later." Her experience as a SAHM to her young babies was that while they did not get as sick as babies in daycare, as soon as they started school they were sick constantly. So I do believe it all balances out, and there are SO many factors that go into one’s overall health and resistance to illness aside from just whether or not they were breastfed. At nearly 6 mos, my DS has had a constant cold since he started dc 2 months ago. No one will argue that breast milk is the ideal food for your baby, but at some point the argument can be made that pumping – with all that means for a working mom – may not be the best choice. I think if giving up the pumping would lessen your stress then it's the right choice for everyone!

@highwire: Sounds like a plan! I'm crossing my fingers that things work out for you! It would be great if you could continue breastfeeding but reduce the amount of stress associated with it.