I have one guy friend who I'm pretty close to that I've known for a while. All of my girlfriends would tease us, saying we will someday get married (of course we didn't). And everyone always asked me if we ever "hooked up" (we didn't). We're seriously JUST friends but people seem to not be able to believe it.
This made me believe that yes, men & women can be just friends. But other women tell me that over time, something will eventually happen.
Do you think that's true?
kiwi / 545 posts
Yes! I am friends with a bunch if guys. They hang out with dh a lot too. But nothing would ever happen.with them. Lol.
persimmon / 1341 posts
I would consider myself friends with my husband's buddies but I don't think things remain on the "just friends" level when a man and woman socialize alone together. At the very least I believe that perception is reality and I would hate for someone to perceive that I'm disrespecting my husband by being out with another person. It's easier for me to just not socialize alone with a male and avoid rumors and speculation altogether than to have to defend myself should a false accusation arise. My husband's trust is crucial to me and I wouldn't want to do anything that would ever give him a reason to doubt me.
That being said, I would call one of our male friends in the case of an emergency like being stranded on the side of the road and my husband, dad, or father in law were unable to come help me.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
How attractive are the people involved in this hypothetical? 
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts
Haha definitely. Not to be mean but I am NOT attracted to every one of my male friends!.
coconut / 8299 posts
@mr.bee: say they are both attractive on the same level. possible to just be friends?
pomegranate / 3716 posts
My best friend is a guy, and we've been friends for 13 years, long before I met my husband. So my husband doesn't mind if I hang out with my friend one on one.
eggplant / 11824 posts
Yes, men and women can just be friends. Honestly, I think it's really immature to think people of the opposite sex can't just be platonic friends. Do you feel an uncontrollable urge to make out with every man/woman you meet? If not, there you go. You control your actions and feelings. Not every woman is attracted to every man, and vice versa.
My husband's best friend of 20+ years is a woman, and there has never been anything between them. One of my friends since preschool is a guy, we've even shared beds plenty of times, and yet - nothing has ever happened. We're just friends.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
Yeah, I have a few guy friends. I had several "just friends" guys in high school. Now most of my guy friends are my friends husband's, or my husband's friends. I don't think it's entirely appropriate for me now, as a married woman, to be friends with a guy without my husband being a part of the relationship. even if we're only ever "just friends", it can send the wrong message to anyone else and I won't compromise my reputation.
pomegranate / 3983 posts
Yup, I have a few guy friends from before I met DH- he knows and likes them all. The ones that have gotten married, I talk to their wives now just as much as I talk to them though, so it's more of a couples friendship.
honeydew / 7968 posts
I think so... But I choose not to hang out with any without my hubby.
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
DH has plenty of female friends. We're going to one of their weddings this weekend! I'm not worried one bit. Most of them were there before I came along and if he wanted to hook up with them, he could have done it then, but didn't.
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts
@yoursilverlining: "Do you feel an uncontrollable urge to make out with every man/woman you meet? If not, there you go. You control your actions and feelings. Not every woman is attracted to every man, and vice versa."
I totally agree with this! This is my main argument with someone around me (DH, a friend, whomever) is uncomfortable with hanging with a gay person. They seem to assume the person will hit on them. My response is always, "that's awfully conceited to think that!" 
apricot / 426 posts
When I was in my 20s all my friends were men and in particular one of these was my 'best friend' for quite some time. I advocated constantly that of course men and women could be friends. I thought this 'best friend' would be in my life forever! I was single for most of this time. Over the years, and this happened slowly -- but it did happen, every one of them at some point made some indication to me that they were attracted to and interested in me in a non-friend way. I was never interested in any of them in that way. Eventually they all got married. I got along with all their wives, except... the wife of the 'best friend' let it slip one time that her friends thought her husband was messing around with me. It was extremely hurtful to me to be accused of this. (eventually they got divorced, so I'm sure they had a variety of problems that led to this insecurity in her) Frankly though all of it just wasn't worth it to me anymore -- trying balance the suspicions and the possibility that the guys might have, even in the past, had non-friend feelings for me. The best friend stopped speaking to me after I met DH, and I have never figured out why (DH has suspicions). I'm sad to say it all became a big pain in the but. Now, I'd just prefer that my male friends be 'couple friends' ie; husbands of my female friends.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
I totally think men & women can be JUST friends!
I have a co-worker who I consider a good friend! He's like a girlfriend and we help each other get through the work day. We rant to each other about co-workers, deadlines, stupid project managers, etc.
He's my ride home/to the hospital if I go into labor while at work! hahah
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
I think they can, but I also think it can border on inappropriate when married people have very close friendships with someone of the opposite sex. I agree with @eeh that even the appearance of impropriety can be troublesome, and sometimes a self-fulfilling prophecy... I know of a few couples that have gotten themselves into pickles with that.
grapefruit / 4187 posts
I have exactly one guy friend and nothign will ever happen between us because I am absolutely not attracted to him in any way. If I was attracted to a guy, it would never work as a friendship.
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
I've lost touch with all of my old guy friends since getting married and having a baby. Kinda makes me wonder if they were really my friends or if they had an ulterior motive..!
Anyway, I'm "friends" with DH's friends and husbands of our couple friends. I would NEVER hang out with these guys one on one though.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
Yes, I have plenty of guy friends that I hang out with along with DH and without.... I grew up in church with them and they're literally like my brothers.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
Yes, I think so. I have 3 guy friends from high school that I am still close with. We text and call and hangout frequently. My DH knows we are just friends, nothing has ever happened. One even stays in our guest room when he's in town and my DH doesn't mind at all. He knows we are just friends.
GOLD / pomelo / 5167 posts
this is a tough one. but i think it's possible. as long as both parties are on the same path.
honeydew / 7504 posts
So my best friend is a guy...he's also an ex-boyfriend. We dated and broke up 12 years ago. When hubs and I first started dating, he had a BIG problem with it. But eventually, he realized that there is nothing more than friendship there. I mean, we'd already tried the relationship thing and it definitely didn't work. BFF and I used to hang out on our own a lot, but since we're both married now, we don't too much, out of respect for our spouses. Not that either one of us has feelings for the other or that our spouses don't trust us, it just seems like the right thing to do.
clementine / 889 posts
I've been on both sides of this debate before, and now am somewhere in the middle. Ultimately it comes down to whether both people are really being honest when they say they have NO romantic feelings for the other person. I think it's really hard to be close friends with someone of the opposite sex, especially if you are in a relationship or married, to the extent where you are spending time together without your partners/spouses.
I've had male friends before that I had no feelings for, and while they said that they didn't have feelings for me, overtime they did. It created a lot of issues and the friendships all eventually ended.
DH is not really comfortable with me spending time alone with males, and I respect that. I am friendly with my male coworkers, some of whom I even really like (totally platonic), but I wouldn't see them outside of work. I also have friends and I get along really well with their husbands, but would never go out with them without at least one of our spouses there too.
coconut / 8299 posts
I've had similar experiences where my guy friend would say they hae zero feelings for me but sometimes the feelings would just develop. With this particular friend though, I've known him almost 15 years and we've never ever had anything even close to romantic. The only thing is that he and I are similar in the looks level so people just automatically assume we would be attracted to each other (doesn't really make sense to me but whatever). Not saying we're both attractive or anything. Just the same level, if that makes sense?
grapefruit / 4800 posts
I think it's tricky because there's always the potential for feelings to develop, especially if you hit a rough patch with your spouse it seems easy to think hey here's this nice guy even though you may have never thought of him that way before.
But I do have guy friends that are just friends and we chit chat and keep in touch and are just friends, but they are all friends from high school and college and we only see each other once in awhile because we don't live close anymore. I donno why it is exactly but making adult friendships with a guy seems a bit weird for me to do now, there's always a point of familiarity that I won't cross out of respect for my husband, but making friends with women I don't have those same boundaries.
grape / 79 posts
I think it's possible to be just friends, especially before you are married. I think once you're married, it's different. You can still be friends, but out of respect for your husband and your relationship, the nature of the friendship would have to change. Not that you can't be friends anymore, just I wouldn't ever be alone with a man in a one on one situation. It's so much easier for everyone to avoid even the appearance of impropriety.
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
Growing up, I've always had more guy friends than girl friends, and was never physically attracted to them so I say yes!
coconut / 8299 posts
@Alivoo01: Same here! I have a few really close girlfriends but in terms of number of friends, I probably knew more guys than girls.
GOLD / squash / 13576 posts
I think it's difficult to be just friends with guys. I used to have a bunch of guy friends, but they all went away when I got married. The only guys I'm friends with now are friends of my husbands.
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