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We're actually considering our BFFs instead of family as well. My BIL is a deadbeat who has never held a job and we wouldnt trust him to raise her to be a functional adult. My oldest brother's long-time girlfriend is not my favorite person in the world. My middle brother doent want kids, ever. DHs parents are deceased and I feel like mine would be too old.

It such a tough spot to be in. I feel like my BFF would raise her right, she gets along with my family and would have no problems spending holidays and such with them, she doesnt have any major vices I should be concerned about...

I'd pick with your heart, and it sounds like your friends are the right match. Your LO doesn't have to go to family, just to the people that will love and care for her most.

We chose my SIL and her husband. I would absolutely choose my older sister first, but she is divorced from a moron and is already showing that she still has terrible taste in men. We wouldn't risk our son ending up in the care of some man child with a drug problem. My SIL and BIL are amazing people who would not hesitate for a second to take out son into their home and raise him with as much love as their own children.

we're having the same problem and need to make a decision by tonight...our attorney is coming over right after work. i'm kind of in the opposite situation though - we have two good choices among siblings and it's hard to choose between them (and one is my family, one is DH's). I would go with your heart - if a BFF is the best person to promote your values, then that wins in my book. we've been weighing that as well as proximity as the major factors (I ruled one SIL out b/c she lives out of town).

I'd go with the friend too.

We chose based on who would love and parent our kids as close to how we would as possible and would be willing to take all three of them together. It was important for me that it was a family who was stable, had a close relationship with my kids and that would raise them in our faith. We ended up picking a very good friend of mine to be guardians for our kids, we just have to make it official.

We haven't decided on this yet, or really discussed it even, but I think we will go with my older sister and BIL. They have a son already, and I know my sister would raise my LO like her own and would make sure to keep telling him/her about DH and me. She is family, which is nice, but that wouldn't be the only consideration. I also know that she would make the effort to make sure LO had a relationship with DH's side.

However, with her son, they have the father's best friend listed as guardian. You really only need to discuss it with the person you choose-- family doesn't have to know that you chose not to list them.