Hellobee Boards

@loveisstrange: Again, I'm kinda going to disagree a bit here. We (our family in our house) are constantly challenging our daughter to at least try things once. I would expect that we would do the same that we ask our child to do.

How do you know it will be hard for you or won't work for you or make you uncomfortable unless you try? And by try, I mean like literally at least try it for one or two nursing sessions. I'm not even saying try for weeks on end until you are in tears.

Kinda like giving birth. Unless there is a serious medical reason, doctors ask you to at least try for vaginal delivery because there are advantages. But if you try and it doesn't work, whatever, go down for the C-section and no one should judge you because it didn't work.

I FF from the start. Never BF-ed. Never even considered BF-ing (well, I thought about it, but I just knew it wasn't for me). The hospital didn't give me any grief about it, nor did my doctor. No one ever asked me why or said anything about it really. It's your choice completely.

Turns out, my body must have known I wasn't into it, because my milk never came in. I never became engorged, never leaked, in fact, my breasts never changed at all during pregnancy (or after).

You know what, this thread kinda makes me sad. The OP specifically doesn't want any "breast is best" comments and here she is, getting comments on how she should at least try it, she should give it a shot, you never know, etc. How discouraging.

Nobody goes into a thread about EBFing and says, "how about you just try formula? Just a little. You may like it!"

No, that angers EBF moms. And it's disrespectful of the poster's wishes. And as a mom who didn't BF, it's really frustrating to have someone tell you that you should "just try".

I see @charm54 beat me to the punch.

@Charm54: @blackbird: Yep. +1

@blackbird: @Charm54: Love you ladies! You said it perfectly.

I feel bad for the ladies that commented that said they didn't want to BF but felt like they had to. It isn't for everyone and no one should feel pressured to try it if they don't want too.

I hate that I felt judged that I started weaning R at 6 months. BF isn't for everyone and there isn't anything wrong that that.

Again, I'm sorry if anyone felt that the comment was pushing "Breast is Best" because it was not intended that way. I tried to really phrase it more in a way that as parents, we should be open to trying new things but be confident in our decisions.

I totally agree that for some, breastfeeding is not worth the pain and sacrifice. It is not best for all and people shouldn't judge decisions.

@blackbird: I have to disagree with you there. Maybe not on HB but in real life any time I had a BF'ing challenge I certainly had people jump to tell me "well why don't you just start giving her a little formula then?", which was the last thing I wanted to hear. Just this weekend my MIL (who ff from the start) was telling me that the ONLY reason people of my generation BF is because society guilts us into it and clearly no one would really WANT to BF their child for as long as I did.

Oh i know it happens IRL. I don't see it too much on the boards...it's so predominantly pro-BF and I think we are just kinder in general. But the point is...it made you feel bad, right?...and it wasn't helpful or encouraging

@blackbird: I'll be honest with you, it didn't make me feel bad at all. I was 100% confident in my decision and didn't really care what anyone (other than my doctor and my LO's doctor) had to say about it. It just made me annoyed with whoever said it me. Particularly when it was my MIL but that's a whole different animal

@runnerd: I have not read the comments, but I will say this: I've come to realize (well, coming to realize) that I can't do everything. What I mean by that is, lots of people are passionate about one aspect of parenting, be it cloth diapers, breastfeeding, natural birth, immediate skin to skin, delayed screen time, etc, etc, etc. I can theoretically see value in most of them, but quite frankly, I can't do it all. The problem with an "ideal", even when it is backed up by some research, is that ideals happen in a vacuum, and my life is not a vacuum. All I can do is what is best for my family, given the time, energy, resources, and information that I have at the time.

And quite frankly, there are lots of times that I feel like I was "supposed" to feel passionately about something that would have been good for my baby, but I just...didn't. And I spent lots of time agonizing over why I didn't care, about how maybe this meant I didn't want what was best for her, etc. My example was skin to skin/delayed cord clamping. I didn't get it right away, and in that moment, I did not really care. It don't mean that I don't love her or want what is best for her. It means I'm human and I picked my battles. And I'd encourage you to do the same

Do what your gut tells you. I wasn't crazy about the idea of breastfeeding. I did it because of social pressures and I don't necessarily regret it, but we had MANY difficulties. We had thrush for most of our "relationship". Mastitis. Clogged ducts. I never felt bonded like other mothers say they do, which only added to my guilt.

Do not feel an ounce of guilt for not even trying. The point is FEED the baby, not what comes before that (breast or formula).

@runnerd: I'm late but I just wanted to thank you for posting this! I am having similar thoughts and am pretty conflicted about the whole thing (I'm due in August), so it was nice to see that I'm not the only one. I've also spent a lot of time reading things online, listening to podcasts, and reading scientific research that still leaves me feeling conflicted about it at best, so I'm still not sure what I'll end up doing. Anyway, just wanted to throw in some more support for you and your decision!

@LovelyPlum: Great advice!

You don't have to try. It's ok.

I like the idea of seeing how you feel that day but I also would hate for you to be vulnerable or overwhelmed on that day and do it just to appease people. So I guess my advice is sure, wait and see, it's possible you'll end up loving it. But trust yourself and forget the mommy judgment.

I agree with @blackbird - I find it really surprising, and mildly offensive that anyone would choose this thread to say "I think you should try". Come on now!

My statement about bf-ing being the only easy thing about the early days wasn't implying any judgement about what I think @runnerd ought to do - more specifically responding to her initial post about not wanting to BF because it was only for " the hardest part". I was SO dreading it, and thought I'd hate it because of all the horror stories I'd read on the boards - so I try to chime in with an alternate experience when I think it's appropriate - I don't think I can edit, but if I could, I would now that I see she's elaborated that it is a multi-tiered objection to trying.

Guilt should never, ever be the root of a parenting decision, and it bums me out to see folks saying their nursing decisions were influenced by it. (Unless that guilt means you're sharing a sweet treat with your toddler because you're a jerk for eating it where you thought he couldn't see you. )

Lurker-- rarely comment but I wanted to quickly share my thoughts
My son is nearing 3 and I didn't read blogs when pregnant or know much about this debate. My midwife asked me if I was going to BF and I said sure, why not. Didn't really think much of it.
Ended up having a c-section after 4 hours of pushing which I also hadn't read up on, and so I had lots of feelings of guilt about not having the perfect birth. But I was able to breastfeed.
And it was pretty easy for me- phew! I also hadn't read the horror stories so I didn't know how lucky we really were.
And I loved it, the bonding and it made me feel empowered. ...and I want every mom to feel that.
But now I realize that that's just my experience. But you don't need to BF to feel that! You'll be feeding your baby and snuggling and it will be amazing.
Mom guilt stinks- so I say, your choice is perfect!

Sounds like you're feeling more confident, which is great! Just wanted to add that sometimes it feels like everyone thinks x or is doing y from reading HB or other blogs but IRL things can look very different. I know plenty of women who chose not to breastfeed from the beginning and plenty more who breastfed for a very short time. Actually I don't know any other extended bfers in my area. I hope you don't get any negative feedback about your choice.

I have three children who were all FF. I did have difficulty with my first and wasn't able to but I didn't want to. I just didn't have the desire. And I regret nothing.
Don't feel bad no matter what you choose.

@Zbug: you should start a new thread

I love this thread. I can't tell you how many hours I spent googling breastfeeding issues during those first few months. I did not have a good experience and it definitely left me longing for a better beginning as a mom.

I have a good friend who helped me during my transition through a difficult BF experience into the FF life. She said, "When he is applying for college, do you think there's going to be a box to check "Formula Fed" or "Breast Fed"?" It made me crack up. There are so many decisions you make as a mom, especially during those beginning stages. I say, do what you feel is right. In the end, I'm SO much happier as a formula feeder and I know my boy is nourished. I've definitely considered going straight to formula for #2.