Hellobee Boards

I have a friend who decided from the get-go not to do it. I also remember seeing a couple of members here who felt the same!

You're not alone. I have a friend who chose to not BF at all before she delivered her LO. I also know several women who only BF during their maternity leave (ranging from 6 to 12 weeks). All of their LOs are thriving. These are all professional women, the latter group all having professional/doctorate degrees.

A close friend of mine has 3 kids and just was not into breastfeeding so she ff them all from beginning. Who cares what others think, just do what feels best for you.

I went into it thinking, "ugh, I'll try it. just to say I did. but no shame if I don't stick with it." - I had really zero desire. I ended up nursing for financial reasons, BUT, my SIL chose ahead of time not to! she was totally fine with it. I think she had to wear bra pads for awhile and bind her boobs (I think? maybe 2 sports bras?) til she dried up but my nephew was totally fine on formula

The important thing is that you will be feeding your child! There are so many decisions to make now and over the next 18 years. If you have made a decision, don't ever feel bad about it. What works best for you, works best for you, and no one else will ever quite understand because they are not in your shoes.

@runnerd: oh man. as an extremely anxious person, never mind mom, please avoid those debates. I made myself CRAZY because of them. To the point where I felt like I was doing nothing right, even though I was breastfeeding. I didn't pump because I was home with her (waste of time, such a nightmare) but had CONVINCED myself formula was going to mess with her gut, blah blah blah, couldn't have more than 2 hours to myself because she nursed so often. Don't get me wrong, I loved nursing, but I HATE that online freakin' message boards made me feel like something that is TOTALLY FINE AND HEALTHY (i.e., formula!) was bad it's so not. if it was as dangerous as the nutty pro-BFers say, it wouldn't be on the shelves!

You aren't alone my SIL FF from the get go.

@runnerd: exactly - I was the same way. but "they" (ya know, the crazy internet peoples) will get you on everything. you gave your child tylenol? GASP, parabens! you gave your baby jarred food? GASP, preservatives! you know? It was so so difficult, but the best thing I did for myself (and my LO) was to learn to just trust myself.

@sorrycharlie: I agree with you. =) I EP so I guess my LO has been EBF (well, except for a few trials with formula recommended by the GI doctor to see what happens with LO's MSPI), but I'm not sure I would ever recommend EPing for anyone now that I've done it (unless they really ENJOY pumping, and I know some women actually do).

In any case, when people post BFing struggles, I try to read the overall tone and discern if they want "permission" to use formula or if they are set on EBFing and want advice on how to do that, and I give my tips accordingly to that tone.

I have a close group of mom friends in real life and we run the gamut--BFers, combo feeders, only FFers...I think I'm the only EPers, but we all do our own thing and support each other. It's nice.

@runnerd: what is your hospital like? Mine was nutso. If you don't BF, they send a psychologist down to talk to you . WTF?!! Formula is under lock and key, you have to beg for it and then they only give very small amounts using a this weird syringe contraption to avoid nipple confusion, even though I told them over and over I was fine with her having a bottle when she was clearly starving.

Part of it might have been my fault though because I told them I WOULD attempt bfing...even though I kept saying I was okay with formula/bottles/soothers etc, for them there is no middle ground and they are trained to do everything they can to make EBFing succeed. I think if I would have gone in saying I was FFing from the start I would have got less flack/judgement/pressure because the nurses would have known there was no point in pushing me to keep BFing. A few of my FFing friends have got doctors notes ahead of time to put in their files and didn't have the craziness I had.

I totally think women should be able to have "feeding plans" in their files that they write up during pregnancy so doctors/nurses know how to best serve moms and babies....kind of like a birth plan, but for feeding! That way, moms who want to EBF can get the support they need. Moms who are on the fence can explore all options. And moms who want to FF can get what they need to feed their baby without all the pressure. For me, having to explain my story 9283 times a day to each healthcare worker who came in my room was one of the worst parts. But I digress!!

Pre-birth my take on bf'ing was that if it worked; great. If it didn't, there is an alternative that is engineered to give LO exactly what she needs nutritionally every single time she eats; so, great.

I did try to bf for a very short period of time; my milk wasn't coming in and my baby was hungry, so I fed her. We were all happier; she was getting what she needed, i wasn't stressed about milk.

I've never felt guilty about not breastfeeding because I have nothing to feel guilty about. Breast milk isn't magical unicorn tears, and my mental health is important! As long as you feed your baby milk or formula made to meet their needs, you're doing the right thing.

@runnerd: I didn't mean to scare you!! Hopefully yours is more understanding. I will say that once I was home , it was soooo much easier and I felt like I could feed my baby how I wanted . Dh warmed the bottle as I brought DD in the house for the first time, and I tossed the nursing pillow never to be used again lol!

I just want to say that I totally feel that way about having another and BFing. Part of me just really doesn't even want to mess with it, since I know I will likely return to work, have zero desire to pump and deal with all that hassle, and my first LO was primarily formula fed and it just made my world much easier. I totally understand where you are coming from.

I couldn't breastfeed C... If we have another, I won't even bother to try. To me, it's a huge hassle and heartache for not much reward. I found the times where I tried to be awkward and uncomfortable. And frankly, I don't want want to share my body for an additional 6-12-18 months after I already gave it up for 9. The lactivists can kiss my ass. That's probably selfish, but I dont really care. It's my body and my prerogative.

IF you don't want to, don't. Tell whoever wants to question you that they better pop out their own nipple then! It's best to just leave no room for argument with people and own the decision.

I think the only thing I would suggest is to consider trying it.

I completely understand women who try and decide it's not for them or the work isn't worth it. And I've heard about STM who have tried it before and stick with just starting formula from the start.

You know in your heart what you want to do. Trust your mommy gut. My best friend chose to formula feed from the start, and while her hospital tried to give her a hard time about it, she stood up for herself.

You have to do what is right for you, that is the best thing you can do for you and your LO. I went in 100% not having any desire to bf, the only reason my mind waiver was because I went into preterm labor and had a premie. I told the nurses I wasn't comfortable with it, they did tell me it would be great to try so after a lot of anxiety and fear I said I would try. I didn't feel pressured by anyone except what I felt others would think or say. During skin to skin I tried and LO never latched so we went straight to formula. I did try a couple other times and still no , which they said might happen because she was early. But I had so many other things I was concentrating on I didn't let it bother me. I knew from even before I was pregnant I don't have the mental ability to stick with bf if it was difficult at all and like I said I had absolutely no wish to.
A couple of weeks after LO was born I did have guilt that i didn't try harder and that I didn't bf. I think it was just part if the baby blues I had and we did end up having a lot of gas issues and reflux issues so the first few weeks were tough and I did think maybe it would have been better if I would have bf. But who know is that would have changed anything .
I agree with others trust your mommy gut, if it's not for you that's ok no matter what anyone else says.

You have the freedom to feed your baby however you want I, and I don't think anyone would bat an eye if you choose to EFF.

No one has asked this yet so I just going to go for it. Can I ask why you don't want to try breastfeeding?