Our life has calmed down enough that we are considering adding a dog to our family. I always had dogs growing up so I feel like I’m really overthinking this, but I’m concerned that we are out of the house too often on the weekends and the dog would be lonely, especially in the summer when we spend the entire day at the (not dog friendly) pool almost every Friday, Sat and Sunday. If you have a dog, how do you handle those long days when no one is home? I’m not worried about the week bc even though our kids are in school and we are at work, our nanny is there at least half the day. Are dogs ok just to hang out at home solo for the day once they are past the puppy stage? How do you handle?
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Our yellow lab passed away last spring but we had him for 8 years, 4 of which with kids. We had a dog walker a couple days a week but on weekends we did plan a lot with him included. Family walks to the park were a regular Saturday and Sunday outing. But there were definitely times he was by himself. I would say 10-3 or 4 maybe every other weekend but not usually both days of the weekend. We got him when he was a year old so no experience with puppies, but yes he could be alone for a full day without issue.
We made a point of taking him for a longer walk before we would be gone for the day if we had plans and take him when we got home.
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@Madison43: my personal opinion is that I wouldn’t get a dog if you plan to be out of the house three days in a row every week. The nanny is great for weekdays and maybe once a week the dog would be fine for 8+ hours home alone but three days would be too much for me personally. Now if you can bring the dog to your weekend activities or take him to puppy daycare that would be different!
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@wrkbrk: see, this is what I’m wondering. We absolutely cannot take a dog to the pool - it’s only a few minutes away, so one of us could easily run home and go for a walk, but it still seems like a long time for a dog to just be alone.
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FWIW, we used to have a dog but ultimately rehomed her. There were multiple reasons, but a major factor was when we got the dig, DH was working PT. When we rehomed her, we were both WOH FT. So we were gone for 9 hrs each day and then often were out of the house on the weekends. It wasn’t fair to the dog. Since rehoming her, we’ve enjoyed the freedom it gives us on the weekends. I think you’re doing the right thing to really consider your lifestyle before adding a dog to the mix.
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I'm going to have to agree with wrkbrk here. I am a foster mom for dogs in addition to having my own dog and it is a lot of work. Dogs are super social beings and need human interaction. Maybe a different pet would be better? I have parakeets and they are SUPER easy, and things like guinea pigs or even a cat might be a better fit for your family.
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We have a dog. He’s great with kids and verylow maintenance. But it’s still work. Whenever we try to go any where we need a sitter (next week we want to go skiing for a few days but might not because of the dog). Randomly he will like barf or eat something he shouldn’t. Etc. Just more to worry about and with three kids it’s a lot.
ETA: As I always tell my friends (who never listen) don’t get a dog.
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@Mrs. Champagne: haha. Yeah, we always had dogs growing up so I definitely understand that they are work and are expensive. Planning for trips and such is to be expected, but I’ve been stuck on this long weekend day thing. Like, do people take their dog everywhere with them
on the weekend, or just stay home a lot?
it occurred to me when I wrote this that my mom was a SAHM and a total homebody so our dogs were likely never alone!
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@Mrs. Champagne: ha I also tell people to not get dogs! My coworker asked for my honest opinion and I told her to be prepared for less freedom, messes, etc. She also was adamant her older children were keen to take care of the dog and feed, walk, etc and it would be the kids dog. I told her that she should only get it if SHE was comfortable doing all the care. They got their puppy at Christmas and she is so bummed about her lack of flexibility now and the kids are over it already! We are waiting a few years to get another dog for sure.
@Madison43: I would look into dog daycare for your weekends like someone else mentioned. We had a great kennel for him when we travelled to places he couldn’t come but he did come on most of our cottage, camping, outdoor vacations with us. Since he’s been gone, I miss him so much. He was such a presence in our life and we were WAY more active with him because we had to be. But the freedom to go wherever and whenever has been selfishly really nice with two growing kiddos who I also want to provide experiences to. We also have an awesome backyard they kids love so we did spent a lot of time out back with the dog most of the time.
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Thank you for your thoughts ladies! Especially the brutally honest ones! That’s what I wanted. Lots to think about.....
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In puppy stage it’s not feasible. I have a smaller dog and thankfully trained her to go in and outside so as an adult and now older dog we can leave her home for a whole day. But as an energetic puppy, it’s hard. Maybe adopt an older dog already trained? But you would def need to commit a few weeks at first to help them acclimate.
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@Madison43: from everything you've said about your schedule and from knowing what it's like to have little kids around here, I think there's really no problem with your getting a dog and respectfully disagree with the PP's, I don't think everyone who owns a dog needs to WFH or SAH. You can fill in with dog daycare or a dog walker on busy summer days. In our town there are services that my neighbors use that will take your dog to the reservation, etc, and we constantly have our neighbors dogs over to romp with our lab. So IMO it's feasible. BUT, I wouldn't get one unless either you or your husband (or both) are just going to be so into the dog and want to walk it and play with it in the yard and stuff, a lot. I would absolutely not get one "for the kids" --like muffins said, that doesn't work. Get one because you love dogs and want a buddy for yourself and think it would be fun for the family and without even the expectation that your daughters are ever going to so much as bother to fill up a water bowl. Then when everyone else is doing their own thing and all the "work" falls on you, you won't be pissed off. If you get serious I'd also get a low-maintenance, low-energy breed, like, NOT a border collie.
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@Madison43: I second @Mrs. Champagne: for us personally our dog became very much hard work after the kids, and they (6 & 2) are obviously in no way help with caring for him either. It’s really not ideal but factoring in doggy daycare isn’t feasible anymore at $50/day on top of childcare, so we are in a guilt loop! You are doing the right thing by considering lifestyle fit...every holiday and escape will need to be planned and even if you have family close by, we have discovered they tire of caring for a dog they do not own...it’s hard!
I see families pining for a dog and I can’t relate anymore
I tell my friends not to also but they don’t listen of course, and then we are able to share chats about how hard it is to clean up after them always!
And yes to @LCTBQE: the breed is super important!
Good luck!
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Just wanted to chime in as an advocate for looking at older dogs for adoption (or fostering to adopt). Puppies are just like babies - incredibly cute and incredibly needy. But with an older dog you will be in a better position to know their personality, their full adult size, and their needs. You can find awesome dogs who are 2 yrs and older who are more often passed up by people and who are amazing family companions.
This is the route DH and I took when we were adopting a dog many years ago. We met a 2 yr old lab/pit mix who was in a foster home with cats, another dog, and two children (including a baby). She was best in a 1-dog only home which is what we planned. Biggest sweetheart couch-potato lazy dog who was already crate-trained, knew basic commands and fit right in with our lifestyle. She passed away in 2018, and we have chosen not to get another dog for a while. Partly because our hearts are not ready, and partly because our youngest is just over 1 and our lifestyle isn't ready yet either. I am looking forward to a couple years down the road when we can welcome a dog into our family again. You are smart to consider all of this, and I am sure you'll make the right decision that fits your family
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I'm annoying and I'm back. Also going to add that I clean up after my dog maybe five minutes a week (like if it's muddy out and I have to wipe his paws down before he comes back in). I clean up after my kids and myself probably 90 minutes a day, so for me at least, the dog is not even a blip on the radar with that. Not to contest everyone else's experience ! But that's mine and always has been.
@Nutella: Hi boo
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@LCTBQE: My cats are FAR messier than my dog ever was. In case anyone wants to try to convince you that a cat is cleaner/easier. Some totally are, but my experience has been the total opposite haha
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I Have always been a two dog house. Growing up I had two and as soon as my husband and I were living together we have two. They keep each other company when we are gone during the day and we love on them at night. We adopted both of our dogs from shelters.
If you are worried about life style and dog adjustments don’t go puppy. Adopt slightly older dogs. Both of the ones I have now we got from shelters they were both between two and three years old (not always able to tell exact age). It is a wonderful age for dogs. They are past the super needy chewy stage (although one is ten years old and still steals and chews socks). They were already potty trained and just needed to find the doggy door.
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@lindseykaye: ha! Our cat passed away last year and while they can be lower maintenance on the social scale, they are SO messy. My daughters would love another cat and and I am not up for another litter box....at all.
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@Mrs. Train: @lindseykaye: And yes, I think my preference would be to adopt a younger (not puppy) dog. It just makes more sense to me, for a lot of different reasons, including being easier for me. My husband, who has never had a dog, wants a puppy, and rolls his eyes at me when I say it’s like having a newborn again.
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We don’t have any pets but if you are worried about being away a lot on the weekend is there an older kid you could pay to come walk & play with the dog while your out?
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So, I'm going to agree with @LCTBQE, @Mrs. Train in that both my husband and I work full time and still own a dog, and I think that's fine. BUT I am a dog person, and I mean ME, I LOVE DOGS! So I am definitely the one driving the ship here. I hesitate that it may not be the best decision for you because you started with "our life has calmed down" because for me I don't need my life to be calm to get a dog, I would have one regardless, because I love them. I don't consider them a time suck, or a pain to keep up with, I consider them family and wouldn't give up a second of the joy they bring to my life for anything. But... I don't question if I spend enough time with them because I know the time I do spend with them is quality time. We're at work all day but we (I) love on them hard when we are home. So I think it would be fine, if you're sure when your home you are spending time with it or if it turns out to be a lower key dog that prefers to be alone/sleep.
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@lindseykaye: @Mrs. Train: Another fan of older rescues here! We got ours at 1yo and we will rescue again when we are ready. DW and I also plan to foster older dogs when our kids are grown and we are on our own.
Sorry to thread jack but @lindseykaye I relate so hard to you saying your hearts aren’t in it yet to get another dog. Same with us, I really just want our old dog back. I regret the times I didn’t have as much love and attention for him so we will be waiting a while as well
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@Madison43: Oh man yeah he has no idea lol. As the one with actual dog experience, I think you should be firm about this if it's how you feel. Just like kids who can drift away from the responsibilities of pet ownership after it's a reality, so can partners who did not really know what they were getting into. You can 100% teach old dogs new tricks!
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@muffinsmuffins:
just lots of hugs. Our dog was not perfect, but she was very loved. I am thankful that our older DD had so many years with her and has lots of solid memories of her. She talks about her a lot and it makes my heart happy.
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@Madison43: Maybe I missed this, but do you WOH?
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I feel like I should clarify that I don't think you have to SAH to make this work, but rather my concern is more from the fact that a dog is a super social creature and needs human contact. The three day weekend plans at the pool were my biggest concern because for me, the weekends are the time that I can spend the most quality time with my dog. I just don't think that getting a dog knowing that there will be large amounts of time where it won't be with the rest of the family seems kind of pointless. Sorry if I sound harsh. I've been fostering for the past year and I've had so many dogs come through that were "given up" because the family just didn't have time for them. Its heartbreaking to watch a dog be depressed because it's family left it at a shelter or a rescue. I truly am not trying to be a jerk, I swear. Dogs are the BEST, so my instinct is always to say to get one, but in this case I am weary.
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@Madison43: I love that you are being so thoughtful about this decision. The way Iook at it is if you feel you NEEED a dog in your life and your family doesnt feel complete without one and you have the time/money to keep it happy and healthy then go for it. It's a lot of work with kids but you can make it work if you want to.
If you feel less passionate about it, maybe getting a dog can wait. I've seen people start resenting the amount of work their dog is after kids.
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@crazydoglady: I do, but I work locally 3 days/week, commute to NYC 2 days/week and we have a full time nanny Monday - Friday. She’s at my house 8-6 every day, even when the kids are in school, so someone is around most of the day, aside from being in and out with the kids/errands.
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@LCTBQE: @Nutella: yes to breed importance and being under no illusions about my kids helping! I’m thinking it’s going to be a timing thing for us - like it’s clearly not a great idea to adopt a dog in June when we are getting ready for a busy summer. Things slow down in the fall, more weekends at home but still lots of quality outdoor time - I think that’s my sweet spot to adopt.
@Twolittlemen: I hear you - I meant calm down in the sense that my kids are 4 and 6. I know myself and there was just no way I was willing to take on the responsibility of any animal before everyone was walking, out of diapers and sleeping through the night.
I love hearing all these opinions!
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@Madison43: I am a true dog lover. Always had a dog growing up and she was more mine even though she was the family dog. I had one when I met DH - she just passed away last year at 15 years. We just got a puppy at thanksgiving. I adore our new puppy but candidly I don’t like the puppy stage. I’m so tired of cleaning up messes, being chewed on, and working to get her to stop chewing on the walls and toilet paper. (Although the day she figures out how to pull the toilet paper off the roll I ran for my phone to get a video because it was hysterical). In your situation if I was getting a dog, a year or two old rescue sounds like it would fit better.
I do think your consideration is critical since you’d likely be doing the bulk of the work. I agree with the poster that says it isn’t about the amount of time you spend all the time, it’s the quality of the time. I WOH but spend my evenings cuddling with her and DH. I’m a homebody (and pregnant) so I don’t go a ton of places on the weekend. But I’m on a work trip now and DH came and I think it’s good our puppy is learning to be at home (we have someone checking on her a lot during the day) by herself. It’s hard and expensive but we can afford it and I just can’t imagine not having our funny little dog in our lives after we got her two months ago. So I say go for it next fall (when it sounds like your time is freer) and enjoy the doggie snuggles and love! You could give a dog such a nice home I bet.
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@Madison43: reading this over I think my question for you is what tweaks, if any, you are willing and able to make to accommodate the dog being part of your weekend plans?
We got a dog about 3 years ago when my kids were 4 and 1. He is great but we do incorporate him into activities like walks/bike rides to parks, hikes that are dog friendly etc. dh and I also alternate taking him out for walks or runs for at least 15 minutes every morning. We do both woh with varying schedules so there are times that he is home alone like 8-4 but other days we plan around him.
If there are different weekend activities you can think about that would be fun for all of you to include the dog, that might be a different way to think about the logistics and timing. Our dog is a pet but he is sort of another family member because we do need to account for his needs just like the rest of us. Maybe just additional food for thought?
it occurred to me when I wrote this that my mom was a SAHM and a total homebody so our dogs were likely never alone!
I tell my friends not to also 
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