We got pregnant on our first try and I was beyond excited. I've been through a lot over the past few years... I lost my Dad suddenly almost 4 years ago, and my Mom passed from cancer a month before we conceived. We felt like we had something positive to focus on, and I was so thrilled. The pregnancy was pretty uneventful, and we were really looking forward to our first ultrasound at 9.5 weeks. While visiting my family in MI (DH was not with me), I started spotting. I was immediately worried, but thought there could me lots of reasons why, so I tried to be positive. After it continued for 2 days, I went into the ER with my sister where they confirmed the baby had stopped growing around 6-7 weeks (I was supposed to be 9). I stayed in the hospital that day and had a D&C that night. I was devastated, and it was the worst day of my life. This was 10 days ago. The day after I flew home to be with DH, and I've been feeling pretty good physically, but I'm emotionally broken. DH has been great, but I just feel so empty. I never thought I'd be writing a post like this. If anyone can share their stories, advice, support, I'd really appreciate it. How was it trying again, etc. I just feel lost.
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Like you, we got pregnant on our first try. We lost our baby at 7 weeks (had stopped growing at 5) and had a d&c. That was May 10th. I'm going to honest. It took me until this cycle to feel like I really moved to a good place emotionally. It took me 6 weeks to get my first period. Another 6 after that one where I O'd on CD 30. This time around I O'd on cycle day 21 so I do think they are getting shorter. My dr handled it horribly so I went to several until I found one I really like and his support has helped alot.
Please know, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! I don't know about yours, but my husband was able to "move on" faster than I was. Everything made me cry. It will eventually get easier. I still have bitter moments but we are trying again and that makes me have hope. I think the biggest corner for me was my first period, the waiting like I was still pregnant killed me. If you need to talk, I'm here. This board has been extrememly helpful in dealing. It happens more than we know or like to think about, and it doesn't mean it'll happen again. Give yourself time to grieve before trying again. My old dr said "once you get your period, go ahead and start trying again." this one BEGGED me to wait two. I tried after one, and didn't get pregnant and I'm thankful I didn't. I feel so much better this cycle. Be patient and know there is nothing wrong with being sad and it taking awhile to start to heal.
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I'm so sorry. My husband and I also got pregnant on the first try and then went through a miscarriage. It was a really tough time for me but it does get better. We followed my doctor's suggestion to wait a full cycle. It was difficult at the time but I'm really glad we did that. I think it was important for me to take that break to recover both mentally and physically. We were lucky enough to get pregnant on the first try after taking a month off. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant. I will say this pregnancy has been tough to enjoy because I'm just so nervous after our loss but we are really looking forward to the arrival of a healthy bundle of joy. We're all here for you if you need to talk through it!
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@MCD919: I'm so sorry for your loss. Our loss was similar. I was almost nine weeks, but baby was measuring six weeks with no heartbeat. I had a D&C a week later. It took 7 weeks for my first AF, and we're now in our first cycle of trying again. It was devastating. I still struggle with it a bit, but the emotions have gotten much better. I'm trying to focus on the fact that we have another chance now.
I can't imagine going through a M/C on top of everything else you've suffered. If you need to talk, I've found that this is a great place. Thinking of you!
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I am so sorry. That is so devastating. We did not get pregnant on our first try. It took us 7 months to get pregnant the first time, and we were so excited that it finally happened. Less than a week later, I lost it. I felt like my world had ended. We tried again immediately, as I had read that you are "more fertile" after a miscarriage. We got pregnant again. Nothing in me though I could lose 2 in a row. But I did. Just a few days after getting my bfp, I lost the second. one. That was the hardest time in my life. I even had to go to a therapist for the first time ever. I couldn't cope. While therapy helped some, I was so consumed with loss and pain and the desperation to be pregnant with a healthy baby. 5 weeks after the second loss, I found out I was pregnant a third time in a row. I was terrified I would lose it as well. However, everything turned out to be perfectly healthy, and now I am 25 weeks with a little girl. She has healed a part of me that I thought couldn't heal. Even though I don't "know" her yet, I feel like she is the baby I'm meant to have, and it has eased the pain of losing the first two. You WILL be a mom soon, and it will be very scary ttc and when you get pregnant again, but you will find a lot of support on here! We're here for you!
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I'm so sorry for your loss. We also got pregnant on our first try and miscarried at around 8.5 weeks. The baby measured 6 weeks. It was the worst experience I've ever had, and it took a while for me to feel like a normal person again. It took 10 weeks for me to get my period which was torture. That's not super normal though so don't let that scare you.
Right now I think it's important to take time to grieve and don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't be feeling. It's ok for it to take some time, just like it's ok to feel better really quickly too. Whatever you're feeling is normal.
We didn't wait to try again, but we didn't get pregnant on that first try. We did get pregnant on my second cycle after though. It's hard TTC after a miscarriage, so definitely lean on everyone here. Trust me though, it does get better and easier, even though it's unlikely you'll ever forget this.
Hang in there!
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I had 4 miscarriages before finally delivering my LO this past May.. I am a terrible griever. Every time I got pregnant I was terrified. I hoped during my pregnancy, as I hit milestones, 12wks/20wks/etc that at those points I would feel relief, but I never did. What got me through, was openly communicating this to my midwife. She gave me extra ultrasounds, extra appt's, would let me call and come in to hear his heartbeat. Letting people know that I was scared, was actually the only thing that let me enjoy any of it. I will admit that having ds here has made the losses weigh on my mind less, but my due dates and Mother's Day are difficult.
Seeking therapy did help me as well. We actually had mock funerals, which allowed for me to gain some closure. Miscarriages are strangely not viewed like the death of a child by most. We are just suppose to move forward, often time keeping it a secret, which makes the struggle even worse. I suggest seeking closure. Even if you and DH just do something on your own to honor the passing.
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Thanks so much for sharing your stories and lending support. It helps to talk about it. I'm a school counselor, and going back to work this week, when I thought I'd be returning to school this year 10 wks preg, has been really hard. Not to mention a couple of coworkers that also got pg over the summer. I'm just trying to take it day by day, hour by hour sometimes. Knowing that it'll be awhile til we can try again makes it that much harder. I just want to be pregnant again, and feel the way I felt 2 weeks ago. I used to be active on here & WB, but I've been avoiding the sites bc it's too hard. But there's a lot of support here, so thanks everyone:)
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I'm so sorry. I don't have a personal story to share but there are so many ladies on here that can relate. Sending you a virtual hug!
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im am so so sorry you are going through this, its one of teh hardest things to go through. i also lost my first babyat 9 weeks (missed miscarriage baby stopped growing at 6 weeks) we got pregnant our 2nd cycle and were so excited. we had a routine ultrasound (our first one) i remember being so nervious and excited and then they couldnt find the heartbeat. had a dnc two days later. it was one of the worst times of my life, i cried for weeks. but then three months after that we were pregnant again. i now have a healthy 6 week old baby boy who i love more then anything, but after my miscarraige i was also terrified of never being ablee to get pregnant again (but it happened nad iwll happen for you!) and then during my pregnacy i was absolutely terriefied up to deliervery that i would lose him. i also lost my mom very suddendly during ths pregnacy so ican relate to you with that to. im so sorry to hear about your parents, its so incrediably hard to lose your parents to esp during a time like this.i started going to therapy during my pregnacy to help deal with the miscarriage nad my moms death and it has helped alot, but i wont lie i was a mess during this pregnacy always worrying. please if you need to talk at all about anything let me know. lots of love!
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I am so sorry to hear your terrible news.
For me, the biggest "help" was to let myself cry. For me, I mourned by singing songs to the baby when I felt like I needed to cry.
Even when I got pregnant again (and have a 3 month old bouncing baby boy now), I still miss that baby and wonder "what if." And that is OK. It also made me paranoid my entire pregnancy--that is actually normal.
So, your body will recover on its own but for your soul, you should mourn in a way that is meaningful to you. You will always remember this baby that you lost too soon.
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I'm so sorry. Hugs to you! I also got pregnant on our first try, on our honeymoon, and lost the pregnancy at about 5 weeks. My grandfather died a few days later, so it was a pretty rough time, especially since my baby would have been his first great grandchild. The first few weeks were very difficult, and like others have said, my husband seemed to get over it faster. AF returned 6 weeks later and I got pregnant 2 cycles after my miscarriage. LO is now almost 4 months old. The good news is you are able to get pregnant! Miscarriages are a lot more common than you'd think since people don't usually talk about it, especially when it happens so early. I read somewhere that for every 3 children a woman has, she will have at least 1 miscarriage. And remember, it's not your fault!!!
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've lost two-at 12 and 7 weeks-and it's a very surreal experience. I took a lot of solace in knowing how common they are and how something was very wrong for my body to miscarry. I know some people don't like that thought, but the idea of carrying a baby that had major issues seemed like a worse option. My doctor told me that 90% of women will miscarry, and I was truly amazed at how many women I knew were like, "I've been there, hang in there" (at 12 weeks, everyone knew...).
I won't tell you it doesn't make you nervous when you get pregnant again. I'm on my third and most of the joy of even being pregnant has been replaced by doubt and cynicism. But I realize that everything happens for a reason, a cliche as it is. Take the time you need to heal-TTC again is stressful.
I found that it was helpful to immerse myself in some new hobbies so I wasn't always focusing on how pregnant I "should" be now. Something to distract myself. Good luck!
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@MCD919: Hugs to you. It's hard. It's been almost 5 months since we lost our baby at 20 wks. It's almost 2 weeks since our original due date. It's hard every day. The thing you need to realize is that every emotion you feel is okay. It's all right to feel lost, upset, angry, and everything else under the sun. It's all right to take it day by day, hour by hour. I remember telling people when I went back to work, that I was okay right at this moment. That's all I could handle. Moment by moment. I almost had a breakdown in our school Mass this last week. This lady walked by with her new baby girl wrapped up in a pink blanket. All I kept thinking about is our little girl and how I should have been doing that exact same thing at that moment. This lady knew exactly what I was feeling because she lost her baby a year ago to trisomy 18. It was hard and despite my sadness, As hard as it is, I have to trust God's plan. I know that my school year would not be what is is if we had had our baby. I would not have been able to start my new job. As awful as it was to deal with, I know that he has something greater planned for us and I have to be patient and trust in him.
We had to wait 2 months before trying and we are on our 3 cycle of trying. We were lucky to get pregnant on cycle 3 the first time and we are hoping we will again. I know that my body wasn't ready the last two months we tried because when I got AF both months, it was very heavy and lots of old lining was coming out. I feel like our time is coming soon, again. I know that it will happen.
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I'm so, so sorry. We lost our baby at 9 weeks in July. This past week, we got our pathology report back and our baby girl had Turner Syndrome. We named her and we know that she'll always be in our hearts until we see her again. When I get sad, I talk to her a lot and ask her to watch over her daddy and I.
I know its hard and its so unfair. I cried about a million times a day for the first 2 weeks. Then, it slowly started to get better. Now that we are close to trying again and we have some answers as to what happened, I feel better. Know that some people will be really insensitive because they have no idea what to say (I had a coworker tell me that maybe it happened because my husband and I "wouldn't have been able to take care of a child with special needs."), but so many women have been through this and lots of times, you'll find wonderful ladies who can comfort you during this time.
At this point, its been 4.5 weeks since the m/c and I haven't had AF yet, but I have a feeling she's coming soon. I'm hopeful about the future and TTC again.
If you ever need to talk, I'm here. *Big hugs*
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I'm so sorry for your loss. While I don't have advice like the previous posters, wanted to send you my support and virtual *huggs* and wishes that you find solace soon in this time of grief...
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@MCD919: I'm sorry this reply is a little late. I ahven't been on much since our m/c in July. I understand totally how you feel. My Dad passed from cancer last year and DH and I also thought that getting KU on the first try was going to be the point were we could focus on soemthing happy instead of all that bad stuff that has happened. While we were only PG for 10 weeks they were certainly happy. It has taken a little while for it to get better. Perhaps because we so needed something good to focus on. With that said, it has gotten easier, although I do think we will wait a bit to start TTC again.
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