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I read that but wonder is it true for married women too? Can a married woman refuse to let her DH in the delivery room?

@Mamaof2: Based on what I've read, yes, it is true for a married woman as well (at least in NJ).

@BlueWolverine: I wonder if there was a legal presidence or if the judge just decided that. What would have happened if she was scheduled for a c-section. What if the dad raised concerns that the mother might harm the child. Regardless I think it is sad that the father will miss the birth of his child.

Ummm ABSOLUTELY should this apply to married women as well! Can you imagine if it didn't? On the extreme end of the spectrum--- what about all those women who are in abusive relationship and/or have overbearing husbands who try to make decisions for them? Should they be allowed in the delivery room?

On a less extreme scale-- what if the couple is just not getting along at the time of birth and the mom won't feel comfortable/relaxed with the husband there? Giving birth is stressful enough, mom should get absolute rights to say who is there and who is not while SHE is giving birth.

This is actually a topic I've spent some time thinking about because I've asked my inlaws not to come to the hospital while I"m in birth. I know I won't feel comfortable with them there, pacing and waiting, and I don't want them popping into the room for a hello while I"m in labor or immediately after. I've gotten some push-back and even aghast reactions to this "But they're the GRANDPARENTS! They have A RIGHT to see their grandchild" and you know what? NOPE. They are the grandparents of the child. Once the child has arrived safely and we are both in stable medical condition and rested--- then you have some rights as grandparents. But while I'm cooking this kid and I'm trying to birth her-- I am the patient. And I sure as hell have a right to say who gets to be there for my medical stuff and who doesn't.

Gah, there are so many "what ifs" that can play out.

I can see both sides, the mother wanting privacy, the father feeling that this sets the precedent for how custody plays out in the future.

Yeah I'm kind of torn. The baby belongs equally to both parents.

agree with @Mae: and the court.

seeing the baby post-delivery is one thing. being in the birthing room? no way.

@Mae: But is that not a slippery slope? What if the mother is high risk and she insists on a home birth?

The BABY is about both parents. The birth is about the mother. I absolutely agree with the judge.

@loveisstrange: yup, this. I was going to launch into a long response, but you summed it up nicely.

@Mae: I think you left allowing the mother and father to make the decision together, outside of the courts. What happened that she doesn't want him there? Is she using this as a strategic "card" to keep the child from him altogether? Do we know if she's the victim, or is the husband the victim?

Honesly, I can't say how I would have felt if I were estranged from the father of my son at the time of his birth. Without knowing the circumstances that led to the estrangement, I don't feel it's a black and white decision.

Further, just because the guy is a bad partner doesn't mean he will be a bad parent.

I think for health reasons they have to let the mother choose. Not seeing the birth of your child doesn't make you any less of a father.

I have mixed feelings. I think a father should have the opportunity to attend his child's birth but there is no chance for a decent precedent being set. As Mae explained- in cases of abuse or otherwise, much stress could be added to the mother at a delicate time.

This one is so, so hard because I definitely see both sides, as some of the others have mentioned above. My very first thought (which may seem unrelated?) is something a colleague of mine who was passionate about fatherhood and volunteered with a non profit to encourage fathers said to my DH (then boyfriend- awkward) at a work party, which really stuck with me. He said "the best way for a father to love his kids is to love and be good to their mother, because like it or not, she can control access to them" Of course a father wants to be present at the birth of his kid, but is it a right? ehh... probably not? But the best way to ensure he gets to be there is to treat the mother well, (regardless of whether they are together or not) not to have a court order her to allow it. Just makes me sad for everyone (baby included) involved.

I would totally side with the mother on this. I can't imagine how awful I would feel, especially as a person who is extremely shy and tends to hide myself away from others (including my husband) when in pain, if I was forced to have somebody I didn't want there around when I was giving birth. I would feel violated and unsafe. I'm very happy to have a husband who wants to be with me during labour, but he knows that I might decide at the time that I would be more comfortable if he left the room, and he's prepared to do that.

I think the father in this case should be able to see the baby after it's born, but he has no right to be in the delivery room. I hope he is a good father to the child, but any man who would take a woman to court over something like this just seems like a controlling person who would put his own wishes above the good of others.

I agree with the judge and others. The man can wait, let the birth happen, and then take the mother to court to figure out visitation. Yeah, it sucks, but since it's a medical thing that could be altered by the stress, he needs to just wait. He won't be any less of a father if he can't be in the room.

So I googled around and found another article on this. Some more information:

1) This hearing was going on WHILE the mother was in labor. As in, she's in labor and on the phone with the judge fighting for her right to privacy. I can't imagine what this guy was thinking. How does he expect to have any kind of cooperative relationship with the mother if he's forcing her into court proceedings DURING labor--- does not seem like he cared at all about her wellbeing or the wellbeing of his child, and he just wanted to "win"

2) He apparently decided not to appeal because--shocker--she let him see the baby of her own free will right after the baby was born. As she TOLD HIM she would do.

So, yea. Sounds like in this particular case especially… mom = totally reasonable. Dad = controlling nut job. Sad for all involved, especially the kid.

@BlueWolverine: I don't know if this is what Mr. Bee was talking about, and it's not a rights issue, but I do think that there is at least some undercurrent of thought in the US that many men don't want to be involved in their kids' lives. I actually posted a thread about something similar yesterday, because it does bother me a little bit. I don't have much too add that would really help the discussion, but I did want to chime in that I don't think Mr. Bee is totally off base, even if in this particular case, it seems that the mom was in the right.

I cannot see both sides here! Tearing and stitches, emergency c-sections, being on all sorts of monitors...birth is also a medical procedure, and the person actually going through that procedure (the mother) has every right to her privacy if that's what she wants. Not being there when the child comes out of mom's vagina isn't going to be detrimental towards the father/child relationship.

Are there parts of father's rights that need some improvement? Yes - although I'll be honest that I'm less informed about it because when my grandparents divorced my grandpa was the one who kept custody of the kids (and that was back in the late 60s! Very ahead of the time.) But this is not an area where I would ever agree that the woman should be forced into involving the dad. And she let him see the baby RIGHT AFTER the delivery! Come on now, that's plenty reasonable!

Maybe they can compromise and have dad be the person at the nursery with baby getting checked instead of being in the delivery room. Then everyone has their own special moment.