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I WOH FT and my DH works a ton (in my mind). He’s usually not home until 9-10pm Monday-Wednesday (sometimes much later; someone is on maternity leave so that will shift to 8-9pm when she returns), and works part of every Saturday (he’s home by 5:45-6 most Thursdays and Fridays but also leaves early). That means I do bath and bedtime alone most nights (even if he is home), and anything that has to do with the girls lives (cooking, laundry, appointments, activities, sorting and buying clothes, etc). He’s also connected even when he isn’t at work. He travels a few times of year for work and the only difference I find it makes is in my morning workout routine because the girls and I have our own schedule and routine. It sounds like your husband is conscious of the time he spends with you and your daughter, and that is the point of contention with me and my DH (he’s home very little and when he is home he’s always on his phone). I think a pay increase like that is a great opportunity, even if it is temporary if the position is also appealing (people switch jobs an average of every 3 years now!). Because he’s already conscious of time spent with you I think it would be fine!

This was me for a couple years. I have two kids at home and it was really only a challenge when my second was first born (before she was on a regular schedule with an early bedtime and had a predictable wake time). I found that if I got ready before the kids got up, getting the three of us out of the house to daycare, school, and work was much more manageable. My employer also allowed me to work one day a week from home (while my kids were at daycare and school) which also helped. We tried to make sure my husband’s travel was always over my work from home day (without commuting, I basically got extra time in my work day so if I had a crazy deadline, the extra time helped). Anyway, my husband has since stopped traveling but it ended up being a great career move for him and I don’t think either of us regretted him doing it.

I SAH and DH has work travel like this probably every other month. I agreed to this setup, versus our previous situation where he had a 1.5-2hr commute both ways, 4x a week. It’s doable especially when it’s 3 nights away or less. More than that and having to do everything (from wakeup t bedtime) starts to wear on me. The weeks he is gone I do use babysitters for a break, my parents to drive DS etc., so a pay increase for this would, for me, make it worthwhile.

The nature of my DH’s job is that he will always have to travel - when my kids were very small and still waking up at night, it was very stessful bc I was just flat out exhausted all of the time and slightly (maybe more than slightly) resentful that he was eating out and sleeping through the night and I was just trying to survive the night and get to work in one piece. Now my kids are almost 3 and 5 and it’s mostly fine. We joke that something always goes wrong when he travels (someone gets sick and is up all night, the basement floods, the house alarm goes off for no reason, etc....) and it is hard being the one responsible for everything at home but it’s much much more manageable now that it used to be.

@skinnycow: I think in your situation, we would choose to have DH take the job. If it’s something he’s excited about and it helps with advancement, it seems like a great promotion, even with the stress of an infant.

@skinnycow: Depending on the state you are in or his employer, he may qualify for paternity leave. Some states and employers allow you to spread it out too—so he could take a few days a week over a longer period of time. Or You could take your leave first, then he could take his which would bring baby 2 closer to a manageable solo-parenting age.

My husband, in the past three years, has travelled approximately 85% of each year, internationally. Right now, for the past year, he has been commuting to Europe weekly (11 flight each way, 7 hour time difference). So, I'm your gal for partners who travel. He leaves late sunday nights and returns late friday night. So that means he's home for about 22 awake hours each week. I basically do awake-bedtime by myself monday through friday and sometimes weekends too if he can't come home.
I worked part time in the beginning, and when the second baby came along this past christmas, I put work on hold. I comment to myself often that I don't think I'd be able to sustain this if I WOH full time or even part time. It would just be too much. As it is, 99% of the parenting falls to me, and if I had to do that AND work, Id die. I mean, I guess Id figure it out if I HAD to but thankfully i don't.

My husband started traveling again when my second child was about 3 weeks old. We don't have much family nearby. I hire my village. And to direct this towards the above poster, he qualified for paternity leave from the state of NY, but big LOL that anyone in finance actually takes that. You'd derail your career or bonus and when comp is tied so heavily to bonus, it wouldn't be smart.

My husband has been traveling a ton the last year, also to Europe and is gone for longish clips at a time. I work full time, my son is in elementary school, and I have an active volunteering schedule. It all happens because of my strong village.

Not sure really what I can offer other than the fact that it's largely attitude driven. If you want to make the best of it, you will. If you don't, you won't.

My DH took a job last year that requires a fair amount of international travel. In April/May, he was gone for something like 20 days, followed by another week-long trip in June. My kids are 4 and 7 and in school, so it’s probably easier than having to manage babies or toddlers. We knew he would travel a lot when he took the job, but it has taken some getting used to. I have a lady who helps around the house with cleaning, shopping and babysitting, so I’m not completely on my own taking care of the household.

For me, solo parenting at night without DH is doable. It's a pain because I have to leave work early to pick everyone up, and bedtime is chaos, but I can handle it unless it goes on for weeks. Then the missed 15 minutes at work really start to add up, and DD doesn't let me catch up on work at night... her bedtime "routine" keeps getting longer.

Mornings without DH are really bad though. I've gotten spoiled because we usually divide and conquer - he packs the stuff, I dress the kids - and if he's not there it's a mess. I haven't sent anyone off without lunch or swim stuff yet, but I'm lucky that he's been gone the most while school is out. It's no biggie to be late to camp, but if I had to get DS to school on time... that would be so stressful. And again, the missed half hour in the morning adds up at work.

Being pregnant while he's barely home has been horrible, but I didn't see that coming. I had two very easy pregnancies and this one hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to call on my parents a couple of times to watch the kids - normally they don't unless it's arranged months in advance or it's a flaming emergency, but yeah, it was definitely an emergency.

I've been dealing with weeks of him barely being here, though. It's probably doable if it's just a couple days a month. Especially if your job has some flexibility about lateness, and you have some family support.

I say with one kiddo that it's more than doable and for a 50% increase in pay I'd also vote yes. However, if you are planning on having LO2 I'd try to have him moved onto something different by then..... use this experience to get something with less travel.

I WOH and DH works a very demanding job with occasional travel. I do bedtimes and baths solo most nights, even when DH is "home" bc he's still working at his desk. I will 100% say with one it was a cake walk I had no issues at all and Dh could have been gone 2 weeks at a time and it was fine. Add LO2 and it became way more stressful/hard for me.

It's doable but harder. I would recommend planning out everything for the time that he is away, pre cook all dinners and try to set your expectations low. I mean if you feed em, maybe clean em and get them to bed and they are safe you done good.... kind of low expectations.

So all that to say that I'd say go for it and maybe plan to have DH turn it into something else once LO2 is otw/here (so maybe not that long based on your TTC)

A few thoughts. I WOH, and DH now travels for 3-4 days about once a month.

* it may be a bit more challenging logistically to get pregnant with regular travel. DH was a management consultant who traveled 4-5 days/week when we were trying to get pregnant, and he was gone about 50% of the months during my fertile window so we just had fewer opportunities. It sounds like your DH is traveling much less than mine was though!

* having a support network/family/friends who can help you is HUGE

* how flexible is your job? If DH is out of town, sick days etc... all fall to you. Also, it makes early meetings or late nights at work super challenging. I sometimes have evening events for work, and I have to put them on DH's work calendar as soon as I find out. If he's traveling, I have to use my parents for pickup and dinner.....

* that said, my previous comment is mitigated if you can use some of that 50% pay increase to hire help. In my opinion, a reliable mother's helper/part-time nanny/trusted babysitter, etc... would be a worthwhile investment with part of that raise. It would relieve a bit of the pressure from you, especially if you sometimes have early mornings/late nights at work, and this person could be used to pick up from school or help with dinner on days when you have other commitments.

edited: Great points above from @Mrs D!!!