Did you have any unannounced visitors at home or at the hospital? How did you handle it?
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Yes! My SIL, whom I love dearly, came just as I had gone into the bathroom to try my first post baby poo. She is a a fairly important politician and the nurses and doctors all got a little excited that she was there. So not only did I have my SIL but also two docs and a few nurses waiting for me while I was sitting terrified on the loo. Awkward.
ETA: I handled it be aborting operation poo and being a polite host. I didn't really mind the dropping in just the timing.
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Not exactly unannounced but we told my parents we'd call hen they could come to the hospital - they just happened to be nearby and normally live 8 hours away. They tried to just pop in when I was still in the delivery room getting stitched up saying "well they let us back!!" I flipped out and told them to wait and they acted like I was inconveniencing them because they still had to drive home... Ugh! Still makes me mad! I tried to get over it quickly so they could have a nice visit later but seriously!!
Eta- the nurse said she could make them leave and say it was coming from her but I said I'd handle it. So they must be used to running interference!
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I work at the hospital I'm delivering in, so there's a possibility coworkers will see me on the patient board and drop in... and DH said last night it doesn't matter how many times we say we don't want non-immediate family visitors, that his aunt and uncle will still show up.
Is it weird that I'm more stressed about this than I am giving birth? There are a million books on how to handle childbirth... not so much drop-in visitors
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Not completely unexpected but my FIL was waiting in the waiting room until LO was born (after midnight). He insisted on coming in to see LO before leaving, so he came into the delivery room while I was still recovering from labor...I was not a happy mama. Thankfully he only stayed a few minutes but was back from 12pm-6pm the same day. Ugh
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My husband's family is very close knit and I'm sure that once word spreads, a LOT of them will come visit me in the hospital. His grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc, in addition of course to his parents and siblings...
I was pretty up in arms about the possibility (because I'm vain and don't want people to see me looking gross/tired/messy), but now I decided that whatever, it's fine, their visits just mean they care and to deny them that would be very rude of me. I just told my husband no one is allowed to take photos of me except him. I do not want them on facebook. They can take pics of the baby, or of him and the baby or themselves with the baby, but NO photos of me shall leave our hospital room on anyone's camera or cell phone.
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We had people come to the hospital. I didn't mind though, it was always a fun surprise. If I was doing something that required privacy I just asked them to wait outside for a bit.
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Ugh my BIL (whom I'm not a fan of) the second after DS was born. Doctors were still cleaning me up and I was getting ready to nurse DS for the first time. I hadn't even been moved out of the delivery room yet. He didn't even look at me or the baby (looked through us and also my mom who was with us during L&D) and just sat beside DH awkwardly playing on his phone and only talking to him about nothing having to do with what just happened. I know he only came so he can look like a good person and say to everyone he was the first to see the baby and saw us in the hospital etc. All for show. I felt violate and that it was very rude. I'm not really sure how he even got in at that point in time because the hospital told us the only people allowed back in L&D were only the people I authorized when we checked in for my induction and he certainly was not one (I only signed off on my mom and DH).
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Dhs aunt. DS was born at 2am, by the time I was cleaned up and doctor/nurses left it was 4am. His aunt showed up at 6am. I was so incredibly pissed and she was a huge bitch too. She wouldn't give the baby back to the nurse who had to take him back to the nursery for tests...DH finally had to pry him out of her hands.
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Nope!
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When I had DD, a co-worker of DH's showed up with her 9yo daughter. With DS, we were only in the hospital for 24hr so no time for visitors.
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Reading some of these stories stresses me out! I'm hoping we don't have unannounced visitors. It's one of the reasons I'd rather wait awhile to tell anyone that I'm in active labor. Especially if it happens to be late at night. I would feel too guilty to tell people to go away if they stopped by unannounced.
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Sort of, we didn't tell anyone he had arrived right away and anyone who asked, we told we would see after we got home. He ended up under the bili lights, so definitely no visitors there. A "friend" showed up without asking during all that stress, so I had the nurse tell her to leave.
Use your nurses, they are awesome at being "the bad guy" and getting people to leave you alone if you don't want someone here.
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With DS, I was pretty upset with my ex's family coming in and out during my labor. I felt like a spectacle and really really hated it. My ex even left to go hang with them in the waiting room while I was laboring.
With the last hospital stay, no one came in that I didn't want, but the nurses assured me that they could play guard dog for me if I needed. But, given the circumstances, people were really good about coming in only when I said it was ok.
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omgosh, reading your stories really stresses me out!
my plan is to not allow any visitors to the hospital & i'll def. let our nurses know so that unexpected guests get turned away. -
One of my male bosses showed up unannounced. But it was really sweet. He actually just wanted to drop off a gift and look at the baby in the nursery (he's older and his time the babies always hung out in the nursery all day, so he figured she'd be in there). The nurses offered to let me know he was there and he actually felt bad imposing on us. We were a little surprised but didn't mind a bit since he was so kind about it.
This is a big worry for me though if we are back home by the time our next kid is born. My husband's entire extended family will want to come to the hospital and he thinks it would be rude to tell them no. I have no issue being the bad guy, they can think I'm a biatch all they want : )
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@MamaMoose: That's how DH feels too. He said it would be rude to tell his extended family not to come, but I'm not close to them at all and don't see what harm it would do to ask them to wait until I'm home. I just feel more in control of the situation at our own house!
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in the hospital, it was generally all family and one friend - no one unexpected. at home, same thing - everyone called first to ask when was a good time.
i also stressed more about this than L&D! it blew up into a mega drama fest with the ILs because I said we weren't calling until I had the baby, and that our first day home from the hospital we didn't want visitors. Apparently I'm the only person in the world to do this (so they said) and a terrible person, rude, etc.
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My college aged cousin showed up the day after I had Chloe, and brought along three of his classmates that I never met before. That was kind of awkward.
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@grizz: The biggest thing I've learned by being a parent is that as long as you aren't causing anyone physical harm you need to do what is best for YOU and YOUR CHILD and everyone else needs to get over it!
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The only people who stopped in unannounced were my great aunt and uncle who were actually, honestly passing through town right after LO was born. They stopped in at our old house (thankfully we don't live there anymore) before calling my parents and getting our new address. My parents could then give us a warning and we were able to help them with directions and have a little heads up.
At first I was very stressed but they are so old and I love them dearly. I am so glad they were able to come by in the end. They didn't care what I or the house looked like - they just wanted to meet the newest member of the family for a few minutes.
No one came to the hospital except DH's parents (which was great!) but this was really one of the biggest things that I stressed/worried over before giving birth. I think I was more worried about this than labor, too! It all turned out fine though. -
Yep - a coworker did! She called but I didn't answer my phone because I was nursing the babe.
When she got there we chatted for a bit, she asked to hold the baby and I said that he was hungry and I was just about to nurse him. Thankfully at that exact moment my best friends showed up and the coworker left!
To this day (9mo later) she still talks about how 'strange' I was when she came to see me. I just kind of laugh it off but I really want to say well you're the ding dong that showed up unannounced!
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@littlebittyhouse: I think I would be 'strange' too! I have some pretty crazy anxiety about people asking to hold the baby as well as people showing up unannounced.
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@grizz: it gets better i swear! now that we are in a good groove and LO will reach when he wants his mama i feel way better about it. he was in the moby for the first 6 months of his life because i was all 'hands off my baby' i think you need one of these signs! http://www.mytinyhands.com
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No, all our friends and family were very respectful of us post delivery, due to the fact that our LO was immeditately admitted to the NICU. Our parents were there at the birth, but understood when they couldn't see the baby. My mom sat with me in the recovery room so my DH could be with our daugther. My MIL and FIL gave their best wishes to my mom and then headed home (it was after midnight by this time.)
The next day I let everyone know she had arrived, but explained the circumstances and only a few family members and close friends came to visit me. We allowed them to look at LO but not hold her due to germs. Otherwise we said we would let people know when we were ready for visitors at home. They were very respectful thank goodness!
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No, only because I gave birth so far away from home! I would have loved more visitors, especially at the hospital after the second day. I think being in the hospital for visits causes people to stay for a shorter time, too.
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Nope we didn't, but we didn't tell people that LO was here with any of our kids until we were ready for visitors (except for my mom who watched the older girls).
I actually prefered visitors at the hopital so the nurses could keep visits short, make them was their hands, and I didn't need to. worry about cleaningup or entertaining them
I hope you and your DH can compromise so you both feel comfortable, I know this has been a big concern for you. If nothing else works speak to your nurse in private and tell them what you are comfortable with. Maybe coming up with a set time for the visitors you do agree to would help you not worry. Like from 1-3pm and then tell your nurse no visitors outside of that time frame.
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@LazyLightning: your post made me laugh! Loved it! Great idea.
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My DH's aunt and cousin showed up unannounced. We hadn't even seen either of our parents yet! And then they asked me why I was so tired and sad. I said, umm, I just had an emergency c-section which is major surgery and my baby is in the NICU ...but they had no sympathy. Then when my husband said something about how they should have called first they had the nerve to get offended!! I burst into hormonal tears when they left and DH felt so awful and then I felt awful for making him feel bad! Ugh, so frustrating!!
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@petunia354: That's my biggest fear. DH has several aunts and cousins who lack tact and have no filter. They're loud and barge in all the time... I can't count how many times they've invited themselves over with no notice.
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@grizz: yup, this sums up his familyexactly. The best advice I can give you is to choose not to "list" yourself if given the option. Since I chose to list myself, anyone could look up what room I was in and the nurses couldn't run block for me. Next time I will choose to remain unlisted and give the nurses the names of people who are allowed to visit!
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