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No advice but HUGS!!! You aren't a failure or a terrible Mom. Do whatever is best for you. Happy Mom = equals happy baby!

you are a great mom, no matter what! I also felt like you did and had to use labor pain techniques to get through each feeding while I had mastitis and thrush, and even just bad latch. but one day at week 8 (which was a lot longer than the LC said it would be), I woke up like night and day, just as @plantains said. It was crazy, and now i barely notice when she latches. whatever you decide to do, do for you and no one else - happy mama is just as important!

Have you seen an LC about the latch? I know my sister had that issue and she had to really work on getting it fixed-- like if he latched poorly, she had to pull him off and force him to do it again, which majorly sucked in the short term since it was the latching that was hurting so much to begin with, but it taught him the right, non painful, way to latch on.
I have not BF, so I can only tell you what I heard from her, but your description sounds exactly the same. After the first few weeks, she happily breastfed until about 13 months, and would have gone longer but because of some health issues, her doctors advised her to stop around a year (she needed to have a mammogram and you need to wait a few months after weaning, no issues actually related to BFing).

ETA: BUT, if you are miserable and really want to stop, only you can make the decision that's best for you. Happy mom is most important!

@ladyfingers: i have read that the initial latching can be painful. I used to have to count to 10 every time she latched and by the time I got to 10 if it was still REALLY bad I would relatch her but usually it was better after that.

Take it one day at a time. I couldn't believe at first that some people could fall asleep while nursing! And I didn't have pain -- it just seemed a little uncomfortable at first. It gets SO much better, I'd say after the first month. If you can avoid putting anything on your nips (definitely no soap and preferably no butter, etc. except milk) I think that might help. Also make sure your positioning is impeccable

I pumped exclusively and only made it to four weeks. Which I thought was great because I hadn't planned on BF at all.

Since the right side is the painful one, maybe you could try feeding him from the left side only and pumping the right side if pumping doesn't hurt.

That would also give you a chance to build up a small "sanity supply" so your SO could take a few feedings and you could get some rest.

@ladyfingers: the first few week are HELL. I can promise that it won't be like that forever or even for long.
But do what makes you happy. I totally agree with Happy Mama = Happy Baby.
Between the every hour feeds, no sleep, people visiting/calling, etc., trying to feed myself and shower, I was miserable with a newborn. And then I felt guilty about it.
Don't beat yourself up. Only you can make the right decisions for your baby.

I had a really hard time nursing, and I had nipple pain in one side up until the day I stopped (10 months). And the pain was so bad for the first couple of months that I did cringe everytime she latched. I had to set mini goals like @Thehistoryofus said, and that really helped. It's very overwhelming in the first weeks. I felt almost trapped because I felt like I couldn't get anything done, except nurse DD. every. single. hour.

If the pain is really bad, try using a nipple shield (have an LC show you how to use it!), and that can give you some relief until both of you have the hang of breastfeeding.

Honestly, if you need to supplement with formula, then do it. You're not any less of a mom for doing so. Pinkie swear.

I found that just by giving LO one bottle a day saved my sanity and my relationship with nursing. Trust me, some days I had to take it one feeding at a time. I also decided that stressing myself out with trying to pump (and we don't have a working freezer right now so it wouldn't have worked out anyway) wasn't worth it either.

Although I will say - it does get better! good luck with whatever you ultimately decide.

@ladyfingers: I have the same problem. I eat a lot of one handed foods.

At the beginning, I had to tell myself that I would reevaluate in a week, every week, and see if things were getting better. If I still felt it was worth it and that we were making progress, we'd continue.

There were times when I didn't see improvement and I was miserable, BUT I never reached a point where I thought breastfeeding wasn't worth it. I kept going. And without me even realizing it, things got better!

It was a subtle change for me, and that made the first two months pretty discouraging. But it did get better.

Consider the really difficult times a sign that you are growing and improving. It's like going to the gym...the discipline hurts, but it really is worth it.

I had latch problems and pumped and quit pumping for personal reasons like zippylef...she was actually very encouraging when I was deciding what to do!! Like her I also was diagnosed with PPD and I think the pumping contributed not only because it's depressing but because between feeding and pumping I didn't keep up well and my dr said my hormones were probably all messed up as th result of stopping soooo slowly over the six weeks I did it.

Happy mama makes a happier baby IMO and while I don't regret stopping I do sometimes feel sad about it. Still I know we're all happier for it!

@ladyfingers: I also had pain while latching when I was doing everything right. Sometimes the nipples just need to be "broken in" because the tissues are tight...that's a fun little genetic gift some women get. Sigh.

Is there any way you could get an individual LC appointment?

In my group BF session LO had a perfect latch and was used by the LC as an example. Two weeks later LO had thrush and I had tremendous nipple pain. I would cry during every feed but thought it would go away once lo got better. Finally I called for a prescription but they wouldn't give me one until I had an LC appt. Turns out in addition to thrush, LO was slipping off towards the end of a feed causing damage that I would feel at the next meal. Within a day of my appt things were 100x better. Now at five weeks BFing is the breeze every book says it should be.

You are a good mom by taking care of yourself and D no matter which way you feed him.

((Hugs!)) I totally get your frustrations and those first few weeks were brutal! We had every problem in the book and I remember every hour feedings. Heck, I watched four seasons of Felicity and six seasons of Dawsons Creek during our marathon feedings in the first three months. I cried, she cried , we all cried out of sheer frustration. It got down to that i would go one more day, one more week and so on. I know everyone says it but it gets better and easier! It is just getting to that point. Bottom line is if BFing isn't working or for you, there is nothing wrong with stopping. You are loving and caring for your baby with milk, formula, whatever. I just know now looking back I am so glad I stuck with it. Good luck!

@ladyfingers: I had that painful latch on the left side where the right was fine. I would say in the last week it evened out and is fine now! I'm at 5 weeks PP. stick in there! You can do it!

The first few weeks are some of the most trying weeks I think any woman will/can ever endure... For me it was harder than unmedicated childbirth b/c it didn't end quickly. Every single day and every single feeding was a choice for me to stick with it.

Aside from the feeding issues we had I dealt ALOT with feeling "touched out" since P was pretty much constantly feed and was perma-connected to me the first 5 months. DH couldn't even sit next to me after P went to bed b/c I would feel absolutely smothered. It was difficult and at one time I considered pumping so that DH could feed P her bedtime feeding so I could get my body back for a little while before it was "mommy & daddy time".

I'm in the camp of "Get Happy" in less than ideal situations though so I took some time really thinking about why I was breastfeeding and that if I was going to continue I was the one that needed to change, not the circumstance. It took a few days to "wrestle" within myself but I overcame it and I'm now fine breastfeeding frequently and giving DH the physical touch time he needs.

The days that were hardest for me, I would read this kellymom post...... Getting back to perspective and realizing that "liking" or "enjoying" breastfeeding wasn't the primary reason I was doing it always helped.

"Are mothers supposed to love breastfeeding 24 hours a day?

August 28, 2011. Posted in: Common Newborn Concerns,What is Normal?
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by Glenda Dickerson, IBCLC.
Reprinted with permission from the author.

If there is a day or week where you no longer feel like you are loving or even enjoying breastfeeding, does it mean that this is the right time to stop?

I have felt for years that many mothers wean because they thought they were supposed to love and/or enjoy breastfeeding 24 hours a day. Some of the mothers I have admired the most are mothers that breastfed in spite of not being in love with the act of breastfeeding. They breastfed because they knew it was the right choice for their babies.

Our culture has become so addicted to the concept that we are supposed to only do what makes us happy or brings us immediate joy, that we lose a lot of the good stuff along the way–pride in accomplishment, joy in fulfilling a commitment, feeling of achievement through meeting a goal. I don’t think this means people are more selfish today than they were in the past, I just think they have been taught to have different expectations about what they are supposed to feel and how they should respond to those feelings.

Breastfeeding is the ultimate gift a woman gives her baby–because she chooses everyday whether to continue or to stop. Don’t look at breastfeeding as something you will enjoy or even like all the time, but as a commitment to your child’s health–similar to the commitment of staying married even when you don’t particularly like your husband for a few days, or staying in college when it is really rough for a while. There are peaks and valleys with breastfeeding and sometimes you will thoroughly enjoy it, and sometimes you will resent it–but in the end you will not regret one day that you stuck with it, even though you were not feeling that joy 100% of the time. When you are in a valley, rest assured that the joy you have felt with feeding in the past will reappear and you will be glad you waited it out.
Breastfeeding — it’s too important not to."

What you're doing is the very best thing you can do for your lo and is what was specifically designed for him. It's hard, and you're doing it! Go you!