I'm going back to work in 3 months at which time my son will be 7 months old. My parents have offered to watch him while I am at work. They live two hours away and will spend two nights a week with us to shorten the commute time. We will be paying them. I am having trouble deciding what to do. I have been looking into daycare options but feel very torn bc of how young my son will be and that my parents really want to do it. Any advice would be great or if anyone has experience with a similar situation.Thanks
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Kinda. I work nights so I am asleep during the day. My sister is my Nanny and for the short time after DD was born I did work during the day. She watches her while I work/sleep and it is wonderful! She adores her and cares for her in a way a stranger can't. I'm not saying strangers are incapable of caring for or loving my child. They are. It is just different. And I love it.
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@Suzimo: that is so sweet of them! I think in that situation, because they seem to want to so badly, I would let them - and then when LO is older, transition to daycare.
I hired my little brother as my nanny! J will be transitioning to daycare soon.
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I think the bigger concern is that they would be staying with you and that they live so far away. It seems like if they were sick or tired or something, it would be a long drive and occasional cancellations would be expected. Plus they would be in your space and who knows if your baby would keep them up at night and make them tired during the day.
I think if it were me, I'd ask them if we could try it out before going back to work. Have them do it for 2 weeks and see how they feel about it. In the meantime, I'd look into other daycare options just to have something to compare.
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My mom and dad watch DD 2x week and she goes to daycare the other 3 days. They don't have to travel far to get to us, but they're getting older and aren't able to move as quickly, lift, etc as well as they used to. I have made sure to tell them that if at any time they feel like they don't want to or can't babysit anymore, then don't hesitate to tell us. It's saving us a lot of money, but we can always have her in daycare full time. For now, I love that she gets to spend time with them and vice versa.
For you, I think trying it out for a week or two before going back to work might be a good idea. That way they can see what it would really be like. It'd also be good to have a few backup options in your pocket in case you need them.
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@gingerbebe: and @beachmama: thanks for the suggestions. They have been trying it out a few days a week which I think has been ok. I think it will be a whole different thing day in and day out. My mom would do 4 of the days and my dad would do fridays. They would be each others back up. I'm inclined to give it a shot but worried bc daycare for infants is very limited in the city I live in and I need a 7:00 am opening time which is also challenging to find.
@mrs.pen: I was thinking we could try it until he is one and then I could look for another childcare options. It seems more daycares will take children after they are 1.
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My mom watches DS every day. She comes to my house and we pay her. It's great! I don't have to get DS ready to go anywhere. I offered to pay her because she gave up her job to do this. It's a blessing! DS will head to preschool/daycare when baby #2 comes and I go back to work.
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Not currently, but we're hoping to have a similar situation to @Mamasig when I got back to work in August. My parents live about 3 minutes away and I work from home, so I'm going to offer to pay my mom to come here 3 days a week to watch DD. I'm not sure if she'll accept the payment, but I'm sure she'll be happy to watch DD.
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what about having a partial week situation? I know that might be tougher trying to find a daycare that will let you do partial weeks, but it gives some flexibility maybe..
my in-laws watch my 2 girls (now almost 4 and 18 month old) 2 days a week, ever since my 1st one was a baby. it's a great arrangement as they get to have bonding time with their grandkids, and my girls adore them. And then the other 3 days, my older one goes to preschool and the younger one to a nanny share. the nice thing about the split situation, is that if my in-laws are sick or want to go on vacation, we can put both girls into the nanny share, and vice-versa, if preschool is closed or the nanny is sick/vacation, my in-laws watch the girls, so it gives everyone lots of flexibility.
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My mother currently watches my son while my husband and I work. Because of our alternating schedules, he's with her Tues - Fri from 11:30 - 4:30. We don't pay her, but she lives a mile down the road and considers it her grandmotherly duty! We typically don't pay any family members that babysit for us...other than my sister who is still in college - but that's only because we know she needs the cash. I'd feel funny paying my parents to babysit their grandchild, but maybe that's just me.
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My mom watched LO for a few weeks as I transitioned back to work and even though we get along great, it wasn't as pleasant as I'd hoped it'd be.
What are your reservations about the arrangements?
I will say that by 7 months, my LO was really thriving at daycare and he was thrilled to have little friends.
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I'm not sure about the commute portion. That seems like a lot for everyone maybe.
My work schedule fluctuates and in the past has included family having to take the kids overnight. They live however just a couple of miles away so it wasn't too bad.
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My mom is our primary caretaker while I'm at work. When I first went back ds was 3 mths and I didn't feel comfortable w daycare esp since we had my mom as an option.
There was a period when she stayed over 2-3 nts a wk (lack of transportation before a move into her current home). And it went well.
Now she comes over in the morning on my offoce days and either I or dh drop him off at her place on my work from home days.
They live only five miles away.
Her stauing over (and my parents also lived w us for three weeks when ds was 9 mths before their move) and it was mever an issue. As long as it's not a permanent thing, I would def take them up on their offer!
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@Suzimo: we didn't have family watch LO but she was 6 1/2 months when she started daycare and it was actually a really great age for it. She could sit up unassisted and play with the other babies but stranger and separation anxiety hadn't kicked in yet so she didn't cry when we left her. Now she loves it and smiles/claps every day when my DH drops her off. Just something to think about as it might be a more difficult adjustment once your LO is older and more aware.
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@applesandbananas: I guess my reservations are that the commute and being away from their home for half go the week is going to be too much for them. I also worry about my relationship with my mom, she says i would be the boss, but i think that can be really challenging for her.
At this point I'm either going to do part time if my parents would do two days for free ( not likely) or a full time place only three block from my work.@lawbee: thanks for the insight. I spoke with a mom today at my top choice daycare who had both of her sons at this particular place and I'm feeling much better that he will be just fine at 7 months:)
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My mom watches DS all week while I'm at work. She comes to my house to watch him (she only lives 5 minutes away). We don't pay her, and she wouldn't let us if we tried. It works out great!
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When I went back to work a year ago, my father was my son's primary care until we transitioned him into daycare. It was fine, my dad learned A LOT about child care in those few weeks, lol.
Regarding the transition to daycare for my son, he began when he was 2, so it was for sure more difficult than if he began as a baby. For his entire life, we let him decide the schedule, now he was to follow someone else's. It was rough, there were a lot of tears, but we got through it.
As far as your mom saying your're the boss, it can totally work. My mother and I have the type of relationship where she can tell me she thinks I am being ridic and I can tell her to back off, so it works.
Best of luck!
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My inlaws watch E three days per week at their house and she goes to daycare for two days per week. It works really well for us. My inlaws are wonderful -sometimes they bring her to our house and my FIL mows the lawn etc while DD plays with my MIL.
That said, daycare has been brilliant for us too. She has learned so much from going there just two days per week and the socialisation is great for her. I think that starting her early (she was 6.5 months), before separation anxiety kicked in saved a lot of tears.
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I'm still pregnant, so can't offer proper advice, except to say that I watch a friend's child 10 hours a week. The rest of the time he is shared between his grandmother and great-grandmother and it works marvellously. He has strong relationships with all 3.
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I always think that second to parents, grandparents are the next-best thing when it comes to quality of care! I would totally try it out if I was in your situation, sounds like your parents really want to do it!
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The thing that gets sticky with parents is making sure things are done the way you want. A hired nanny or daycare will always do as you ask (and if not you can fire them!). Grandparents sometimes think they "know better" than you and do things the way THEY want.
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With that commute I would pass.
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