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No, my father definitely doesn't have the power to be giving "permission" for me to get married. I'm a self-sufficient woman who got engaged at 32. I honestly think the tradition is kind of creepy, sexist and weird. This isn't the 1800s, I'm not living under my father's control, there's no dowry to be exchanged. I can kind of see when guys ask for both the parents' blessing, but asking Dad's permission was a total no-go to me.
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He asked. My brother was coincidentally home from college when my husband visited my parents house to ask for permission.
My brother and dad just stared at him the entire time. DH said it was the most intimidating thing in the world.
And my dad never answered him.
If you knew my dad, you'd understand that this is hilarious. In that moment, though, DH said he almost shit his pants. My dad *loves* my husband, though. This doesn't sound very funny typed out...
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Yes, he asked both my Dad and Mom. It went very well my Dad said he had never seen me so happy. I wouldn't have married him if he didn't think it was important to talk to my parents about it.
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@ShootingStar: this is how DH and I both feel.
Nope he did not ask! we saw no reason to so DH never considered it.
Unfortunately, when I called my parents to tell them I was engaged, I spoke to my mom first who was very happy and congratulated me. I heard her through the phone tell my dad and my dad's response was "without asking my permission?". Then she put my dad on the phone and he refused to acknowledge I was engaged. When i went for dinner there a week later, he continued to refuse to acknowledge it even though my mom and sister was asking to see the ring.
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@Mrs. Jump Rope: hahahaha, no, I totally get what you're saying! That sounds kind of mean of your dad and brother, but also hysterical!
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@Adira: On our wedding day, DH had a little too much to drink and walked right up to my father and said, "I'm not scared of you anymore."
It was hysterical. Everyone at the bar area at our reception cracked up.
They're pretty good buds
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@Mrs. Jump Rope: hahahaha, that's awesome!!!!
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Haha, this is so sad for DH - he tried, but my dad was NOT picking up on the hint!
We lived 1,500 miles apart, and his only interaction with my parents were the brief visits when he would stay at our house. He came down for Christmas/New Years, and we had approximately 20 minutes from arriving at my parents house until we had to leave to drive an hour to my cousin's house for NYE. He kept trying to get my dad to go outside and smoke a cigar with him before we left, but my dad was trying to be nice to me and not take up his time since he just got there, and kept turning him down. DH kept trying the whole 20 minutes, even asking if my dad wanted to have a beer outside, and my said 'No, you guys have to go soon and I don't want to hold up swurlygurl'. Poor guy, he tried a total of 4 times to get my dad alone! To this day, my dad still feels horrible about not picking up on the hint and getting to know first that DH was about to propose that night.
It didn't really matter to me either way, but I do like the idea of traditions, and I know my parents would have loved it.
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He called them that morning to let them know he was proposing that day, but it had nothing to do with permission or blessings. We had been together 7 years, bought a house together, lived together for 2 years.
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My dad is MIA so DH wrote my mom an email (she lives overseas) to ask for her permission to marry me. I thought it was so sweet and had no idea he did that until mom told me and let me read it!
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Yup, he took my mom and dad out for dinner and asked for their blessing.
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yes he did!
it made me feel so loved.
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Yes. DH and my dad have a great relationship, and because of our family culture it was sweet and important to me that he did. Like other posters have said, it wasn't about me as property--but about a blessing.
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Nope! It was not important to me at all. I just don't see it as any of his business or place.
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Nope
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No, and given my relationship with my father I would have been annoyed if he had. He did ask for the blessing of my surrogate mother, though (or at least informed her of his intentions).
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My husband called my parents to let them know what was happening, I think he felt obligated because they'd only met a few times and are a plane ride apart.
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No, and I would not have been ok with it. The whole thing creeps me out.
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Yes he did, he asked both my dad and mom! I know its not for everyone and for us it was more of asking for their blessing rather than permission. I'm very happy he did and I know my parents were too!
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I'm surprised so many SO's asked!
DH didn't. I didn't expect him to. I always thought that marriage is an adult decision that I should be making for myself.I talked with my mom about it after and she said that she and my dad never expected him to because that's not how our relationship works.
My BIL asked my dad when he proposed to my sister. Funny story, he asked my dad to lunch over text and my dad read the "I'd like to talk to you about some important things" text out-loud in front of my sister. Not so much with the secrets in my family.
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DH took my parents out to dinner to ask for their blessing, not permission. but my dad told me, oh yeah [BF] is coming up for dinner tomorrow... and i was like, that's weird. ha. so i knew it was coming.
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@oliviaoblivia: OMG, your dad spilled the beans to your sister!!! Too funny!!! Did she immediately figure out what BIL wanted to talk to him about??
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@Adira: totally let the cat out of the bag. luckily they laugh about it. As he was reading it he got to the last word and was Ohhhhh...whoops.
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Yes! And my parents said no! Haha. They knew we were going to get married, but they wanted us to wait. To be fair, we were only 23 years old, and they had JUST paid for half my brother's wedding, and my dad had just been laid off. But 2 hours later, Wagon Sr. had charmed and convinced them. Haha.
They said no when my brother told them he was going to propose to his girlfriend, too...!! They made him wait a year. Wagon Sr. knew I didn't want to wait.... he is very convincing!!!
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No, and I'm happy he didn't. He actually asked me once if he had to ask my dad if he wanted to propose. I told him no, my dad would think it was strange because I had been living independently from my family and living with my then-BF for years.
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He asked for their blessing- more for my expectation than theirs. He asked while meeting my dad and brother halfway between our houses since I was working and needed him to drop off our pets before a big conference we were going to. Amazingly enough, they kept it a secret for an entire month- unheard of!
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Aw hell no, he knew better than that!
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@yoursilverlining: I tend to be on the same page with y'all. I was 36 when we got engaged. We were already living together (gasp!). And I had already successfully made three cross country moves and purchased two homes independently. I didn't feel like my Dad needed to have any input in my decisions as I was clearly an adult and capable of making life decisions.
We aren't traditional though. DH and I shopped for my ring together (I choose the setting, he picked the stone) and I knew he had the ring. We purchased the ring together (yes, I helped with the cost!). He did show my Dad the ring before he actually proposed and my Dad was shocked (I was present for this).
The only thing I was traditional about was that I still wanted him to actually ask me to marry him rather than just handing me the ring as we walked out of the store.
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He talked to my parents about his intentions but didn't "ask" since we were 34 at the time!! But he did go over there and have dinner with them and let them know and I thought that was very sweet. It made me feel like he was acknowledging that he was marrying into a family not just me.
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I'm really surprised by all the people who's SO asked! It didn't even cross my mind, and I'm pretty sure this is not something practiced in DH's culture. We are very untraditional though.
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Absolutely not. I despise that tradition--very old-fashioned and sexist.
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He told my dad and my sister (ETA: he didn't "ask") while I was taking a quick shower, heh! My sister was jumping up and down and woohoo-ing and he was afraid I'd hear!
I nearly found the ring, because I'm a rule follower and was rifling through his Dopp kit for liquids to go through airport security.
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@lawbee11: Awwww I love that, both that your DH did it and your dad's answer.
Ha ha no, mine didn't, he thought it was none of my dad's business. I would have liked him to though, just as a nod to tradition, not to seriously ask him. But I remember my little sister's boyfriend asking my dad,they were going on holiday to Egypt, my sis had literally just turned 18 and he asked my dad for a private word at a family BBQ. Me and my other sisters were mortified, she was soooo young!! Not that that is too young to get engaged, but she's my baby sister, you know?
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Yes! He took a day off of work and drove up to have lunch with my dad and ask his permission. It was a really sweet gesture and meant a lot to both me and my dad.
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Of course! He took my dad out for lunch and a beer and asked him for his blessing... I think it was about 2-3 months before he actually proposed.
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No way. I had been on my own for years when he proposed. I love my Daddy (yes, I still call him "Daddy"), but he hasn't been my "keeper" since I was in college. I don't think my Dad would have minded being asked, but it certainly wasn't expected.
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Nope & I'm glad he didn't. We didn't get engaged until I was 30 & I'd been on my own since 18 so he had no say in what I did. They never even met until our wedding in 2012.
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Nope. I didn't expect him to either. I am surprised so many SOs discussed it with the parents!
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I wouldn't say "permission" is exactly the right word, but he did try to talk to my Dad ahead of time about his intentions, more to recieve a blessing or gesture of acceptance into the family, an expression of trust in his potential for partnership. We all view marriage very much as a family and community institution, not just an individual decision, so I thought this was appropriate.
I guess Dad felt awkward and just kept changing the subject, though, and DH decided the conversation wasn't going to work. So we made our intentions clear and moved forward. There is a disparity of religion between our families and it worried Dad, but everyone's on board now.
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He asked both of my parents
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