That thread the other day on the Rude song made me think of this.
Did your SO (or you) ask your (your SO's) dad for permission to marry? If so, how'd it go? Are you glad they did/didn't do it?
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Yes! For dating and for marriage. My dad was happy, as was I.
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Yeah, he did. He asked 1.5 months before he proposed.
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Yes! My parents lived out of state and they didn't have a chance to meet in person (only my mom met DH before) and so he called my brother and they 3 way called my dad (he doesn't speak English fluently) and he asked them both!
I didn't find out until after we were engaged from my brother (who thought it was really great everything DH had to say) and I thought it was the sweetest gesture!
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Nope. My dad said he was glad DH didn't; he thinks asking permission is creepy and would have told DH he was asking the wrong party!
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Yep! I didn't know. He did it one day when I was gone all day shopping with my sister. Drove out to my parents house and took my Dad to lunch. Then kept my parents in the loop on the ring search and when he was falling on proposing, which was a month later.
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@yoursilverlining: haha, that's funny! What do you think? Are you glad he didn't bother asking your dad?
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Yes. He had dinner with my parents a few days before he proposed and asked (he told me had a work dinner to go to). My dad's response was that he had his blessing but that I'm a grown, independent woman and can make my own decisions
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No, it was something I wasn't happy about. It was my second question after "when did you get the ring." And then "what did my dad say." and then there was the awkward pause....
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Yup he asked both my parents separately! Him and my Mon both cried during the talk (happy tears)
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Yep, he asked both my dad and stepdad.
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@Adira: yes; I'm glad he didn't ask. I agree with my dad; the whole tradition rubs me the wrong way. But, I know I'm in the minority; haha DH, dad and I are all on the same page though, which is all that matters
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Sortof - he told them that he was planning on proposing that night and he would like for them to join us (he had all of our extended families there!).. Soo I guess he told them, not asked them lol!
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Yes! He met my dad one day after work and got a drink with him and asked him. I think it was about a month before he proposed!
I'm so happy he did, it really meant a lot to me!
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Yes he did! It was important to me. It's not a matter of me belonging to my dad as much as asking my parents blessing on our marriage- that meant a lot to me! I actually just asked DH yesterday, if my dad had said no, what he would have done. He said he would have held off and sought his own father's counsel and would have tried to discuss with my dad what he could do better. Oh, and I should note he asked BOTH my parents- not just my dad
DH was so excited after my parents gave him their blessing that he proposed only a day or two later even though he'd had something else planned for two weeks later haha
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Its funny you posted this question. DH asked my dad to marry me and he said yes of course. I was so happy DH did this. I didn't even ask him to.
I asked DH what would be have done if my dad said no (because of the song). He said he would go home and think of a way to make my dad say yes.
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my parents live about a 2.5 hour drive away. my DH took a random day off work without telling me, drove down there, took both my parents out for dinner and asked. i always joked that when he proposed my first question would be "did you ask my dad?" so he knew it was mandatory
although he's traditional so i don't think he needed my prodding. and i know my parents really appreciated it.
my DH also arranged to have both of our parents nearby when he proposed and shortly after they showed up with champagne and chocolate covered strawberries and it was SO lovely! -
Nope...cause DH didn't really propose. We just decided one weekend to hire a notary.
My ex didn't, either, and I found out years later that my dad was actually hurt by that. I thought that was silly, since I didn't care if anyone asks my dad if they could marry me...it's my decision! What if my dad says no? I'm not crazy about the idea of it all.
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Yes, he did. Took my dad to lunch and asked him (and made my dad cry). I always thought that it would bother me if my SO did that, but in the end it doesn't. I know DH and my dad don't consider me "property" and know that I make my own decisions, it was mostly my SO letting my dad know how much he loves me.
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Yes. He asked my dad and my mom (they're divorced). They both had the same reaction, "sure, if that's what she wants."
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@LuLu Mom: Oh no! I'm sorry that it didn't happen the way you wanted! What a bummer! Was your dad disappointed too?
@yoursilverlining: I hear you! I'm in the same minority as you. It seem like a very patriarchal tradition. I didn't want my husband to ask my dad (and my dad would've been all "WTF - why are you asking me?" anyway) and my husband was on the same page with me about it.
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Yes, it is a long story but he kept driving by my parents house for hours because I was there and wouldn't leave. He ended up going back another day and my dad gave him a lecture about marriage and then never said yes. Dad gave me away at the wedding so I guess it turned out ok.
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No because my Dad isn't around anymore but he asked my Mom and brother!
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@Adira: He's not the type of man who would say anything, he's a man of few words. But I'm sure he was a little disappointed, as I was too! Only one of the 3 daughters' husbands asked his permission which I feel bad. I asked DH how he would feel if DD's boyfriend didn't ask and he would be heartbroken, I think he knows now
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Yes! He took my parents out for lunch and asked for both of their blessing!
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Nope. Didnt expect him to and my dad didnt care.
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Well, not exactly. Our father's were both dead by the time we got engaged. But DH invited my mom to a brunch for her birthday, but it was actually to tell her that he was planning to propose. It wasn't so much to "ask permission," but more to explain that we both know how important family is so we wanted them to know our plans first.
And his sister threw us an engagement party because before their dad died, they had a conversation about how important it was for the families to come together to support a wedding. His sister is divorced and they agreed that one thing that was missing was the families really becoming one in addition to just the couple. Neither DH or I knew that until the party, and it was one of the most touching things we ever heard about when she said that was why we were there.
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@Adira: Yes, he asked my Dad. In my SO's culture you do NOT propose until you have asked the father's "permission". By not asking my father he would have brought "embarrassment" to his family, it would be disrespectful. I appreciated the gesture as did my parents.
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Yes, he asked my dad while I was in the shower one day. He knew he had plenty of time.
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I didn't expect him to and my parents were already in love with him and the idea of him marrying me. But he did it anyway.
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He asked my mom - I thought it was pretty funny but my mom LOVED that he asked!
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Yup!
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He asked both my parents.
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He asked for my dad's blessing, different than permission, knowing he would say yes. I loved it.
It wasn't easy though--when my husband called my dad, my dad didn't hear him correctly and thought he was a salesmen. My dad said he was busy and couldn't talk, and my husband said he could call back later. My dad told him not to. My husband called me and asked if this was a hazing tradition my dad does to future son-in-laws. Major confusion.
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He sure did. My parents would have been pissed if he didn't, they are very traditional.
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I grew up hating the ritual, thinking it was archaic and offensive. In fact, I told my husband while we were dating that I didn't want him to ask my dad. As it would happen, DH took my parents out to dinner and asked them. When he told me, I was incredibly moved because it meant so much to me that he wanted their blessing to join our family. I also love that he included my mom. I feel differently about the tradition now.
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Not "permission" -- he just skyped with my parents to tell them he was going to propose, just like he did with his family. I was glad to hear he did that, I think it made them feel involved and they were very excited
ETA: actually it sounded pretty funny because we'd been dating for a really long time so apparently my mom said, "I can't say we're surprised!" And then my dad jumped in and said, "But we're really happy!" Lol
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Yes, but in our family you ask both parents. My mom rules the roost
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Yes. He told my dad a couple of months prior to proposing what his intentions were for our relationship and the the day he proposed they went out to coffee and got his my dad's formal blessing. He actually called my dad before asking me on a first date, too.
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My family knew we were looking at rings, but he didn't go talk to my dad until the afternoon that he proposed. He proposed that morning, and then went to talk to my dad. He couldn't ask before, because my parents have huge mouths/can't keep a secret & he didn't want it ruined. Glad he knew my family well enough to know to do this. I don't blame him at all.
DH was so excited after my parents gave him their blessing that he proposed only a day or two later even though he'd had something else planned for two weeks later haha
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82 comments