By feeding I mean whether you chose breastfeeding or formula feeding...
I'm always surprised to hear that breastfeeding moms feel judged because I know there has been judgment for NOT breastfeeding. I realize that some people judge about bfing in public or the age of the nursing child..but generally I always thought the judgment fell on ff moms.
Thoughts?
58 votes
pomelo / 5093 posts
I know that I get judgement for nursing my toddler, and in public. It really isn't a problem for me.
GOLD / pomelo / 5737 posts
@sarac: I admit a nursing in public mom does catch my eye and I might look up briefly and then keep moving..I hope nobody thinks I'm judging them!
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
I guess I've been judged about both. I nursed with a cover tonight and my friend's wife asked me why I was still breastfeeding my 11 week old baby.
I supplemented my older LO with 1-2 bottles of formula a day when she was 10 months old because I wanted to stretch out my pumped stash. A friend told other friends I was selfish for getting pregnant so soon...I should have waited until my LO was 1 to avoid feeding her garbage like formula.
coconut / 8234 posts
I think we've all been judged regardless of the feeding method because people are judgy. Yeah, I've been judged for BFing in public and nursing a toddler, but prior to that it's been from other moms IRL. It's interesting because I think some of the weird & judgy comments I've receives come from moms thinking that I look down on formula feeding--which I do not. My baby had formula in the beginning of her life. If I had $1 for how many times I heard "You don't get a medal, you know?" because I didn't want to give up when I was having BFing issues, well, I'd be rich.
grapefruit / 4582 posts
Well I had breast cancer so anyone who judges me for formula feeding is f'ed up. My friends are all supportive. People who don't realize I don't have nipples anymore always ask if I BF and when I say no they're like "really?! Why?" Ummmm then the convo gets weird because they feel bad for making me explain...not sure why people are so nosey lol
@googly-eyes: same! I always look! But just because I'm happy and surprised in a good way when moms aren't using a cover. I try to smile so they know I'm with them lol
GOLD / pomelo / 5737 posts
@luckypenny: Yes! Although I admit I look even when there is a cover involved. I'm admittedly a little nosy but more just happy that is becoming more commonplace to see nursing moms out and about. Then I hope they aren't judging me as I walk by with my diaper bag and bottles... lol. And yes that must be an awkward convo!! If that's not a "valid" reason than I don't know what is!
grapefruit / 4049 posts
I FF'ed my first child and cannot for the life of me remember ever feeling judged about it. I mostly judged myself (in that, I felt guilty about it for a long time!). I wasn't a member of an online parenting forum back then though, so who knows... Maybe people IRL around me hid their feelings of judgement pretty well? what I think though, is that most just didn't care how I fed my baby, since it was my baby...
But I am currently BFing my just turned 2 yo (2-3x a day)... And yeah, I totally feel judged for that! My aunt told me "that's good, you know, but there's nothing really that healthy in breastmilk".
And anytime DD says she wants milk when we are out on a play date or something, other moms seem surprised when I don't bring out a sippy and instead tell her she can have milk later. They then realize it's because I'm still nursing... I've learned that extended BFing is not the norm in our current social circle, so yeah they probably judge me as super crunchy.
pineapple / 12053 posts
I BF but haven't experienced any judgement. I think around me it's pretty assume that you're going to at least try to breastfeed. I wanted it for me and want those who want to do it to have support and education but I don't judge those who don't or can't.
pear / 1664 posts
I am actually surprised at the lack of judgement for FF so far! I was bracing myself for it and nope, no one cares.
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
I think that I was the only one who judged me, and I was so hard on myself! Every time I took out a bottle and mixed up the formula in public I felt ashamed. Nobody ever said anything. Nobody ever looked at me weird. It was just me.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
@artbee: me too!
I was super worried my mom would not be supportive about my choice to FF my son, but she was super cool about it.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
@googly-eyes: I've shared before on this site but my mom is the biggest judger (is that even a word??) of me BFing. She wanted me to stop at 4 months, then it was 6 months, then it was a year. She has come up with some doozies as "valid" reasoning. It's gotten to the point that honestly last time I straight up lied and told her I stopped. I'm still nursing at wake up and bed time.
I think because of how BFing ended up working for her her view is jaded. She wish she had the chance to do formula but it was not financially feasible. And she thinks/knows it's more work on me so I think that all plays into why she has continually pushed me to quit. Her heart is in the right place but nonetheless frustrating!
On my side everyone formula feeds. I'm pretty much the only one that breastfeed past the first few weeks. And on DH's side bc of the age of the cousins only one other recently had a baby and she BF for a while too. Not sure if BIL's ex wife breastfed or not.
Anyway, M is 14 months and I'm super happy to be down with pumping 
but at this point not sure when I will stop the nursing. I'm hoping she self weans!
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts
Not anything awful, but a lot of questions/comments abou when I'll stop nursing and just give her bottles (so people can watch her). She won't take breast milk from a bottle, never mind formula. Trust me, I wouldn't mind a break!! Haha.
She's 9.5 m.
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
@looch: My mom actually wasn't so supportive at first. I told her I wanted to quit breastfeeding and she said I'd regret it. Not what I wanted to hear, but I said I'm not asking for advice, I'm telling you I'm quitting. But once LO switched to formula and she could give her a bottle she loved it.
nectarine / 2127 posts
No one on DH's side breastfed except for 2 aunts. His other 4 aunts, his mom, his sisters, and his cousins all formula fed so they didn't really understand why I couldn't let them just give him a couple of bottles so they could feed him (um, engorgement!!) His mom made a comment that she didn't think he'd ever fill in his wrinkles, especially since I was breastfeeding (LO was a preemie and was wrinkly in appearance due to lack of body fat). She also told me breastfeeding was awkward.
bananas / 9973 posts
I feel like the older generation has been more judgey (at least in my family) about my BF'ing. My mom is always asking me to give her formula and saying it would just be easier and more convenient. Both sides don't mind the BFing part, but would rather have pumped bottles so I don't always have to stop and feed the baby when she is hungry (so she can be fed in the car or restaurant, etc.) Since our families are a bit conservative, I always leave the room to go feed the baby and I think they just get annoyed with waiting. But K doesn't like bottles and I end up throwing 2 out of every 3 bottles I pump and prep! 
I've never seen anyone judge about FFing IRL.
papaya / 10560 posts
Sometimes. When people find out DS isn't sleeping through night the comment is almost always "Well, you should just switch to formula." Other times people praise me for bf'ing at 10 months still. It's about 50/50.
squash / 13199 posts
I did combo of both and depending who I was talking to I have heard negative comments about both. Some people feel I shouldnt have supplemented with formula, and others are grossed out that I was still nursing by 14 months. I Just shrugged it off, its a personal thing and there is no right or wrong answer
pear / 1769 posts
I don't really give room for people to give me judgement. I am very confident and forward about my choice to breastfeed for at least a year.
papaya / 10473 posts
Only from my ILs who say my milk must not be enough because he's feeding too often, and that he'd be satisfied longer if I have him formula. They also think I breastfeed to keep them from babysitting. Whatever you say, crazy people!
pomegranate / 3872 posts
@rawrasaur: Same.
My ILs may have something to say about extended BFing but we're not around them enough to know, lol. The only negative feedback I've gotten is from a few friends who don't get why I can't just leave her with my parents to go out for a long evening. She doesn't really take a bottle and I have to be there to nurse her before bedtime. I'm sure they think BFing is totally inconvenient and cramping my style but I don't mind.
nectarine / 2127 posts
@grizz: my ILs also felt like nursing was just a ploy to keep him away and pushed for bottles. Because I totally went to the LC 3x a week for a month, nursed, supplemented with pumped milk, then pumped for 9 weeks just to keep him from you guys. That's totally it. Not because I wanted LO to have BM or anything crazy like that!
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
@grizz: My IL's totally think that I breastfeed as a means to keep the baby to myself. I also am on a really restrictive diet because LO has food intolerances (no dairy, soy, wheat, eggs, nuts or shellfish) and I swear my MIL thinks that my commitment to breastfeeding despite the obstacles we face is a personal attack on her choice to FF.
pomegranate / 3212 posts
My MIL wanted me to introduce formula so others could feed him. She said it was frustrating that she couldn't calm him down the way BFing does. Not site why the idea of bottle feeding my milk was off but yeah. She was real pushy about it, acted like I was nuts.
pomelo / 5524 posts
I BF for the first 3 months, then gradually introduced formula and eventually started to fully FF at about 4 months.
I was judged on either side. My mom kept telling me there was no way I was able to BF. My MIL told me later that it wasn't my totally my fault that LO had colic. That I "didn't know I was hurting him by BFing." I wanted to punch her when she said that to me.
I then got crap from my BFF for not trying hard enough to continue BFing. I was an exclusive pumper after 3 weeks b/c it just wasn't working for me. She really pressured me to keep going and to meet with a ton of lactation consultants. That was also stressful.
I definitely wish there was just less judgement with feeding either way. Your baby is getting the food he/she needs to thrive. When they're 10 and running around the playground, you're not going to know if they were BF or FF...and no one is going to care.
pineapple / 12526 posts
I think that there is plenty of judgement on either side of the issue. FF moms because formula is "garbage" or "poison" or "you know your kid is going to grow up obese" or other such nonesense. The insinuation that FF babies are somehow LESS than BF babies. The condescension of the very phrase "breast is best". BF moms for their own variety of reasons.
I was judged. To my face, by dirty looks, by comments. Some of it may have been in my head, since I was in such a bad place. But I did have a particularly nasty ward manager in the hospital when C was a newborn who HEAPED the guilt on me when I was a sobbing, hot mess and C was screaming at the breast for hours at a time and I told her I was too stressed out to continue and she needed to get me a bottle NOW. No one should be treated like that. You're a medical professional, keep your personal opinion on the matter to your damn self.
coconut / 8305 posts
I've been judged for breastfeeding, especially through P's protein intolerances. Told I should quit & then my FIL has asked w/ an ugly face & derogatory tone why I was still bf'ing when P was around 6 mths.
(I'm guessing that would be the first poll choice.... we've never done a combo, just bf)
apricot / 495 posts
I think some breastfeeding advocates judge women who formula feed and some women who formula feed judge some women who breastfeed. Women are judgy....heck, men are judgy too.
bananas / 9357 posts
I'm still BFing my 9 month old and I get the feeling from some family that they are judging me for still BFing. I'm sure I'll get more raised eyebrows for BFing past 1. Most people I know FF and only breastfed for at most 3 months. I don't really talk about BFing unless people ask. I get a little insecure b/c I feel like I'm making the people I know who ff fed feel bad by still BFing. I don't want to make people feel guilty for the way they feed their baby. I really have no issues with people formula feeding and if they do, I don't ask why they don't breastfeed. It's none of my business. I just wish all the judgement could end.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
Oh one more thing. I don't think it is the judgement that is a bad thing, I think it is the manner in which you express your feelings that is the issue, at least for me.
I tune out anyone that is using aggressive and inflammatory language, regardless of the topic. If they only realized this!
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts
E is coming up on a year and I've started getting comments about how I need to wean him now, mostly from older relatives. And I also get a lot of comments about how spoiled he is because I BF on demand, and not on a schedule I dictate.
As with most other parenting choices, it seems moms are damned if they do, damned if they don't...
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
I got more judgmental type stuff BEFORE i had the baby..."oh of course you're going to BF, right?"
Sometimes people ask if i'm BFing and I just say, "nah, it didn't really work out for us" in a no-big-deal kind of tone and nobody's questioned it further or acted like I should have tried more or anything like that.
If they judge, it's behind my back. EFf 'em, don't care! Nobody's said anything ridiculous to my face.
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