Hellobee Boards

I have a philosophy that at heart, we are all selfish. Everything we do is ultimately for ourselves. In some relationships, the good feelings that we get are good enough especially if financially things are reciprical. But as long as we are getting something from the relationship we are happy. In other relationships, it truly is only equal based on money. For example, I love buying gifts for people. I enjoy the act of finding the right gift and giving it. I may spend over the set dollar amount if I find the perfect gift. I get pleasure from getting the gift and more pleasure when the person likes it. They may in turn not give the same dollar value gift but that isn't an issue. Then there are those (my father) who I don't enjoy gifting and expect some sort of monetary equality.

Now, I will caveat it with, at times, there is inequality in relationships. Sometimes I have more time to devote than the other person. This is normal. But I have to get something while in that inequality and ultimately it should even out. I always say if I am tugging at the relationship it has to go. I am just not interested in having the negativity that comes along with it.

I used to. I've had a fair amount of flaky friends in my life and I was always the one giving more of my time, attention, money, etc. I was always perceived to 'have it together' and would help a lot of friends through things but could never count on the same support. Same goes for gifts, sending birthday cards or even just texts. Somehow those people would always forget or be involved in some crazy crisis when it was my time. It's not the material stuff, but it just breeds bad feelings when you feel like you are not appreciated as much in a relationship. I'm still friends with a few people like that but since I got married I made a real effort to dial it back on my end. I value my own time more now.

I used to, and still do, but lately it's been irritating me more. I feel like I am always giving in to things I really don't want to do, because that's the type of person I am. Now that LO is here, DH has been better about taking a step back and saying no sometimes, for the both of us. Now I need to get better at it.