We are finally executing our wills and getting our estate plan in order. I want to go over the docs with family, but I am worried about navigating the waters of who we are leaving LO to in the event of our death.
Did you leave LO to a set of grandparents? How did you explain that to the other set?
grapefruit / 4085 posts
We do have a will and we chose my BIL/SIL. It made more sense for us rather than having aging grandparents named as guardians. Everyone was fine with it and understood our reasoning.
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts
@fancyfunction: I hope my BIL settles down soon so we can make him and his future wife the guardians. He's single and still in college now. I have no siblings.
grapefruit / 4085 posts
@DillonLion: I don't either - so we went with my husband's brother and wife.
coconut / 8483 posts
We will prob end up choosing my mom. Honestly, I don't think we will tell dhs parents.
We too hope one of our siblings gets their act together eventually and any kids could go to them if something happened to us.
honeydew / 7283 posts
We don't have a will although we totally should. We talked to my sister at one point about leaving M with her. I would hope that it would be the same with both kids now. Makes me 
just to think about it.
We really need to do this.
papaya / 10343 posts
We have wills. LO would go to my parents. We've discussed it with them (they are in their 50s and in great health-- knock on wood). We have not and will not mention it to DH's parents... why would we? In all likelihood it will never be an issue so why cause hard feelings? I feel like if that eventuality came about it doesn't matter legally that they won't know and although I'm sure they would be upset I think they would understand-- LO sees my parents way more and my parents are in better health.
We are also in the "waiting on our siblings" camp. I don't think we'd ever give LO to my SIL because she is currently a single mom with her hands more than full and she is unlikely to be very involved in LO's life much. But my brother lives 10 min away and is married and has is sort of stable... except his wife's family is legit certifiably crazy and they make me nervous. I'm hoping they'll have kids at some point and I can see how they manage her family and if we're comfortable with that then they will be the guardians.
persimmon / 1379 posts
We have indicated that we would like my brother and his wife to care for our children and my SIL would care for their trust. We only discussed it with the people who are involved, and nobody has ever asked us!
I found it really good to get it written down, even though I know it is only an indication of our intentions, because about a year after I asked my bro to care for our kids he was like "have you ever thought about who would get your LOs if you died?"
Ummm...yikes!
nectarine / 2272 posts
We don't have one yet but we need to get on it. LO would go to my sister and her husband, no question.
grapefruit / 4400 posts
One of my birthday presents this year is to get a living trust for us.... haha, real exciting stuff. I want to get it taken care of ASAP, because my husband and I are going to Maui at the end of next month without the kids. So, of course, instead of daydreaming about poke, sunsets on our lanai, and drinks, I'm imagining our plane crashing into the ocean, driving our car off a cliff on the road to Hana, or us being swallowed up by lava, and living our kids guardian-less.
We have already asked my (single, no girlfriend, no kids) BIL to be the kids' guardian in case anything were to happen.
nectarine / 2028 posts
@DillonLion: We did all of this before my son arrived. We chose to list my brother and SIL as guardians instead of grandparents. We chose them because they have a young child themselves so our son would grow up with a young family. While my parents would absolutely chip in, it would be too much for them to take a baby full-time. My husband and I are guardians for our good friends' daughter....it caused some upheaval with their parents, but they wanted her to go to a younger couple in the throws of child-rearing rather than ailing grandparents. It sucks to have to even imagine any of it happening, but it's best to be prepared IMO.
pear / 1503 posts
The only one financially responsible with good health and healthy lifestyles is my dad. So we're planning to have our wills amended to reflect my parents' guardianship once LO arrives. It was a touchy subject to broach with DH, as his parents situation bothers him a lot, but we both felt it would be better to leave him with my parents vs his. At this point, we wouldn't want to leave him to either of our little brothers, but foresee having to choose bw his brother and his awesome new wife once they are settled, and my parents in a few years time. With it being my parents, we don't plan on telling, but if we change in favour of his bro/SIL, we will run it by them.
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
We haven't and really need to. DH and I have discussed who DS's guardians would be, and I think we agreed on his brother. He's younger and financially more stable than either set of aging grandparents.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@Mae: Exactly this!
We have wills and the kids will go to my parents. We asked them prior to doing our wills. We haven't discussed it with my husband's parents because there doesn't seem to be a reason to. And like @Mae: said, we don't want to hurt their feelings over something that will hopefully never happen!
honeydew / 7622 posts
We are having ours done now. We opted to select my cousin who is like a sister. Her youngest is 4 so bringing in another child to their home would be easier for them than most. My parents are too old and Ms Mom cares for his ailing step dad. Our siblings were each not a good fit at this time. We would reconsider in the future if circumstances changed. My family is aware of our choice.
honeydew / 7504 posts
We just did our official will and power of attorney paperwork. Before D was born, though, we completed the 5 Wishes paperwork for our living wills, and in that we also designated who would care for D in the event that Hubs and I can't. We chose my sister and brother-in-law. Hubs's brothers are unmarried and in no position to be raising a child. No one questioned it. We did the same in the wills that we just completed.
persimmon / 1183 posts
We don't have wills yet but will probably draw them up once kids are in the picture.
I have no idea who I'd leave my kids with?! I want to say my brother, but he can barely care for himself though I know he'd love them just the same. Probably my cousin who is like a sister to me. I'd trust my cousins to care for my kids and I know my brother would be in the picture too.
I'd give the cats to my brother (lol)
As for estate and possessions, we'd probably leave them to whoever needed it the most. I would have them liquidate it and take the cash.
pear / 1750 posts
I don't have one yet, but feel like I need to do that soon with LO coming. Since I am DH's guardian, I need to have a contingency that whoever takes LO also takes DH.
I think my mom is most likely to be that person. If my mom couldn't do it, I'd want SIL and BIL to have guardianship of both. I know my mom would be upset if they were my first choice because they live on the west coast and she'd never see LO.
nectarine / 2466 posts
We don't and we really really need to get it done now that we have 2 kids. We've discussed it with my family a few times. We decided to go with my one sister. Either of my sisters would be a good choice, but right now, my one sister is a little young if something was to happen to us today. I don't know why we haven't gotten it done yet, it's very important to me that we do get a will in place. When I was young, my mom had a friend. Her friend and her husband were killed in a car accident and they did not have a will in place. They had twins and both the families fought over the twins. One family ended up getting guardianship ( I think they were awarded guardianship, I can't totally remember, ) but the one family refused to let them see the other family, saying it would be too hard on the twins. This is my nightmare, that my crazy ass MIL would try and take my kids away from my family, or try and say that she should have them or whatever.
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