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If a mom looks super, super young - like 15 young - I might notice her more. I might feel bad for her (and yes, judge a little) if she seems to be struggling.
But honestly anyone who is an adult or looks to be adult-ish, meh. I don't care as long as your kid seems cared for. I reserve my judgment for moms who are snappy or that sort of thing... Though I really shouldn't! I'm sure I will not always be perfectly patient when LO is older.
I am 26, too, and I think I look on the young side though it depends on who you ask. I make sure to have my wedding rings on for that reason. I think I get more looks because LO is obviously biracial & unfortunately people make a lot of assumptions based on that.
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No. I had DS1 at 18 and DS2 at 21 and I think I've done a good job so far.
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I wouldn't say I judge, but I oftentimes wonder if they are the babysitter and not the mom (and I too am someone who looks young for my age - if I don't have my wedding ring on, I am pretty sure I am mistaken for a sitter/nanny...unless I have zero makeup and no shades - then I look like a haggard old woman)
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Definitely not. I had my son at 22! I'm a young mom and proud of it!
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@yoursilverlining: I think most of us have admitted we judge something, just not this particular thing. Most of the comments are the "no" answers and it seems that many of us have been on the other side of this particular thing. But even what you said doesn't seem like the kind of judgment I thought of when I read this post. Sorry if this comes off snarky sounding in writing, I don't mean it that way.
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Over the past few years we have lived in places where the moms tend to be 30+. So I've not really encountered a young mom in quite some time, but I don't think I would judge. People get to different stages in their life at different times for all sorts of reasons. I also look pretty young, so maybe people are judging me!
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Nope I don't. I don't know anyone elses circumstances, who am i to judge? Plus I get judged a lot bc I look young for my AGR and have a toddler abd am pregnant. I'm 26 but I look young soooo I constantly get stares and comments whispered about me. I'm used to it but it still stings and is annoying but u laugh it off.
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Completely understand that worry! I am 25 but people often guess that I am 16 or 17ish, and I worry sometimes that people think I'm a "clueless teen mom" when I am out with my daughter. No one has said anything, of course, so I am hoping they just assume I look younger than I am. But sometimes people give me really obvious advice and it makes me wonder if they are just dense/trying to make conversation or if they think I am that clueless!
I don't judge young moms negatively, especially since my mother was a young mom at 19, the only people I will judge are those who are putting their kids in danger!
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Last time I thought someone was shockingly young, turned out she was in her 30s! Now I just assume they found the fountain of youth.
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Not really. But sometimes if I see someone that looks really young or really old I wonder if they are a nanny/babysitter rather than the mom. Nannies are pretty common in my area though.
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@yoursilverlining: I don't think anyone here said they don't judge anyone, they said they specifically don't judge young moms. I don't, at all, ever. I might judge a young mom for a specific thing she's doing, but I would judge an older mom for the same thing. I don't judge a mom solely for being young. I'm hardly above judging, this just isn't one of the things I judge.
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@blackbird: You took the words right out of my mouth! I judge the young moms wearing shortie shorts, wife beaters, who walk around town with their leached trailing behind with cigarettes. I feel for those babies.
I was a young Mom with my first (18), and I know I was judged. It bothered me a lot, but I was married and we were stable, and he was well fed/dressed/healthy. I actually had an old lady come up and tell me what a sinner I was and what a shame it was I'd thrown my life away!
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I voted yes but when I say "judge" I don't mean I look down on them, I mean that I subconsciously make a snap judgement about them.... I think it's human nature to do so. I'm talking about really young mums here - like teen mums. I *presume* that they had a surprise pregnancy, I presume the father is no longer around (or is a complete loser) and I presume she gave up her dreams to raise her baby. I also presume she's finding it a challenge and I feel sad for her, I admire her and I wish her all the luck in the world.
But of course in my right mind I know that all that is crap. I can't possibly know her situation just from looking at her - heck, I can't possibly even guess her age!
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@StbHisMrs: wow, that lady sounds like a real peach. Sorry you had to listen to that!
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@googly-eyes: @Arden: yeah, I see what you're saying. Just seems like every thread where the question of judging is involved, there always seems to be a lot of " I would never judge!!" responses, which I just don't believe. Most people judge something about someone else at some point; it's human nature!
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If they look younger than 18 I take notice... I definitely at least think "holy cow she's young to have a kid".
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@Cherrybee: Yeah I think I would think something similar. I would probably assume anyone under 18 with a baby didn't exact plan it that way.
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I feel your pain because I look way younger than I am! I got some super snarky comments from customers, and some who didn't say anything but were clearly judging, when I got to the point in pregnancy where my hands swelled to the point where I had to take off my wedding ring. Sometimes I would ignore it, sometimes if they were asking nosy questions I would flat out tell them that I was married in my mid-20s and didn't appreciate what they were insinuating, and eventually I just had DH get me a fake wedding band in a bigger size because I didn't feel like dealing with it. For some reason rude people think that if you're helping them in a customer service setting they can say whatever the hell they want to you.
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I'm a young mom (most people think I'm older) but I don't notice a lot of looks. Maybe I just don't let it bother me. I'm a particular person and parent - my kids are always clean, well dressed, we're financially stable and comfortable. DH and I are pretty patient and loving toward our kids and always have been so I really don't know what we could be judged on.
That being said, I do notice when I'm out alone and talking with someone, their eyes do search my finger for a ring. It doesn't bother me though.
Oh and the first mean comment I got was a few months ago, I took my LO's to a froyo shop by myself and a high school fast pitch team was there. As I was walking in, one of the girls said, "another teen mom bimbo"...harsh. I had my first child as an adult! I have gray hair!! I'm far from a bimbo (or looking like one) and I went to college during my son's early years.
Anyway, no, I wouldn't judge about age but I do judge based on parenting/actions.
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I was a yes, but in my mind "too young" is high school young. I knew a lot of girls that got pregnant in high school and generally, they didn't get it together after baby.
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I don't judge based on age but, like other pp, I do judge based on actions. It's hard not to as a mom I think.
I'm a fairly young mom (24 with 2 very young children) but I've never heard/noticed any judgement. I like to think its because of how I conduct myself with them. I'm very conscious of it.
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I don't judge based on age, but I do based on a lot of other factors, like previous posters have said. I work at a children's consignment shop, and I've had a few teenage-looking pregnant women in here and they seem very capable and excited about their babies. However, I have also had older-seeming women with a whole flock of badly-behaved children yelling and screaming through my store, and I tend to judge them a lot more (not the ones that are trying to discipline their kids because I know kids have bad days, but the ones that are just ignoring their kids, giving them Mountain Dew, or yelling at/hitting their kids). Honestly, I more judge the older moms of the teenagers that try to shoplift in my store for fun (...it's cool to shoplift from a consignment store? OH-kay) than I do the teenagers that are pregnant and working hard to make a good life for their babies despite a hard situation.
I'm 22 (23 in a week!) and look a lot younger, and have a 3 month old, and honestly I've noticed no judgement based on that. Maybe I'm just oblivious? I did have someone at the emergency room surprised when I introduced the man with me as my husband--she said "I thought you were 12!", haha--but there was no judgement, only surprise. Maybe I look SO young that people just think I'm my daughter's baby sitter?
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I don't even think I ever see moms I would consider young anymore! I don't really judge moms on age, either, but I def judge them on other factors, such as dress, thug dads, smoking with kids in car, dragging kids by arms, yelling/humiliating kids in public, etc.
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I'll admit that if they look like they're a teenager, I would make a snap judgement. I don't think I would for anyone who looked like a 20 y/o+ or anything.
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I voted yes, but I think it's just one of many aspects that I "judge". then again I don't really spend much mental energy on stuff like that so I don't think it really matters much. The irony is that just this morning when we were at the park, some random dude told me I look like a "girl". To the OP I would say don't worry about it. It's a lot more about how you carry yourself, and even though I look young I have never felt judged.
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@PermaStudent: Yep, I notiched a ton of judgement from that generation, even though I had a ring on my finger.
@ILoveLettie: I've had people ask my son and I where our Mother is before, I just laugh. Sometimes I play along and watch their reaction!
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Ok I voted yes too. I'm a teacher and when I see one of my students announce a pregnancy a couple years after graduating, my first reaction is not positive just because I know that most will not finish school. In no way do I think they will be bad mothers, I just think they might struggle more. Also, every single one (3 that I can currently think of) is unmarried some with the dad, some not. I just worry about their financial stability, not their ability to parent or live their child. Many have never even lived on their own before.
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I voted yes for the same reasons that @yoursilverlining: mentioned.
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So it seems like most of us judge based on behaviour rather than age, which makes sense (and makes me feel better). Some people judge based on their own assumptions; like the assumption that the mom and kid(s) have no future, or that the baby was unplanned and unwanted. I have to admit that that one bothers me, but I guess I understand the stigma that comes with looking like a young mom.
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I don't judge for their ages, no. I know some fantastic young mothers (two of my oldest friends, who are the best moms I know, had their oldest daughters at 18/19), and some older moms who are just crappy.
I work in a CAO, and I see a lot of young (and old) moms come in with their children. I do judge on a lot of things, just not age. I've seen teenage moms who are completely attentive and patient with their LOs (which can be hard while you're waiting for an hour + to see someone), and older moms that hand over soda and chips and yell at their children constantly. (And I've seen the opposite, of course, which is why I don't judge on age
) That said, I do feel a pang of sympathy for the younger moms. A lot of the ones I see at work are not with their child's father, and the fact that they come into our office, for whatever reason, is a good indication that they'll struggle to provide for their child(ren). But even on that note, a lot of them coming in are working to give their child a better life, even though it means they have to accept help now, and I see *that* a lot more with young moms--trying to balance work and school and raising their child so they can stop having to come to our office.
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I don't judge for their ages, no. I know some fantastic young mothers (two of my oldest friends, who are the best moms I know, had their oldest daughters at 18/19), and some older moms who are just crappy.
I work in a CAO, and I see a lot of young (and old) moms come in with their children. I do judge on a lot of things, just not age. I've seen teenage moms who are completely attentive and patient with their LOs (which can be hard while you're waiting for an hour + to see someone), and older moms that hand over soda and chips and yell at their children constantly. (And I've seen the opposite, of course, which is why I don't judge on age
) That said, I do feel a pang of sympathy for the younger moms. A lot of the ones I see at work are not with their child's father, and the fact that they come into our office, for whatever reason, is a good indication that they'll struggle to provide for their child(ren). But even on that note, a lot of them coming in are working to give their child a better life, even though it means they have to accept help now, and I see *that* a lot more with young moms--trying to balance work and school and raising their child so they can stop having to come to our office.
TL,DR: I judge moms of all ages on things that aren't age.
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