Hellobee Boards

@Freckles: That's a great point. I have a huge family, so my baby shower was huge. We received almost everything we needed through the gifts of others, and we splurged on the one thing we really wanted, which was a BOB. We love running, and it was the one thing we treated ourselves to. But we try to be as frugal as we can when it comes to what we need vs. what we want. And I think that's why we're able to sink a lot into our savings right now and live comfortably.

@mrbee: Boo to you blogging and posting less. I understand your motivation for doing it, but it doesn't make me any less bummed.

I think HB has a higher percentage of professionals on it than other sites. In the occupation related threads I've seen doctors, engineers, lawyers etc. in some cases this relates to higher income.

@mrbee: I understand, and you (and any bloggers out there) have my sympathies. No one likes to hear negative comments, especially when they're related to our parenting skills/decisions. It's too bad that you're blogging less because i really do enjoy your posts!

I think it's difficult to assume that by reading posts, you know a person's financial postion.

As other NYC bees (and probably Boston bees, and SF bees) can attest, the cost of living here and the cost of childcare is completely exorbitant compared to other parts of the country. Since I just recently moved from Texas (where things are very cheap, by and large) to here, I can totally see both sides.

Before, living in Texas, I might assume that anyone talking about having a nanny must be super rich (that's a regular assumption in Texas, where a day care can be very reasonable in price, but a "nanny" is almost unheard of and assumed to be for the super rich).

But now that I live here, where daycares might be $2100 (or more) a month for 1 child (!), I see why a lot of people go the nanny route---because you can probably find a nanny for that price.

So the difference is vast, geographically/financially speaking. I don't mind talking that much about money (although my husband HATES it, so I wish this were a gold post). But in Dallas, if we were making what we made here, we could literally be living in a 5 bedroom mcmansion, sending our kids to private school, driving two nice cars, etc.

And here, we live in a 1 bedroom apartment (but hey, we get parking and an in-unit washer/dryer which is super rare), we have 1 car because I have to commute by car, and it's an older car at that.

The stroller thing: I think for big-city bees who don't have cars---a stroller is used all day long, has to get around a city, has to work for picking up groceries so mom can carry both baby and a gallon of milk, etc. So, in a car-free culture, a stroller becomes a serious necessity in the way people in other areas think about cars. If you have a car and use that for grocery shopping, I can see why having a nice stroller is not a necessity.

I work in public schools, and even at my old school, there were *a lot* of Teacher's Aides who drove super nice SUVs or cars. These were SUVs that were probably $60-$80 to fill up at a time, and they were brand new. They made 1/2 of what I made, and I sure didn't feel 'rich" as a teacher.
But for them, having a late model SUV was a priority. For me, having spending money for clothes, or to decorate my apartment (I'm one of those people that would rather spend $1000 on a beautiful chair than on 2 months of car payments for a new car) was a bigger priority and I was happy to putter around in my 10 year old Mazda protege.

So... although I agree that a lot of Bees are well educated and have jobs that put them squarely in middle class, and maybe even upper middle class, I think very few of the people here are really "rich" (if there are any at all), as in....both spouses could stop working tomorrow and have no cares in the world about finances.

I think the rest are just differences in priorities/differences in lifestyle/differences in perceptions. Obviously, there are some real disparities----We don't all have the same income. But I think most of us are in the same "class", so to speak (if we're talking about upper, middle, and lower).

As a last example, once of my cousins lives in very rural southern Virginia. His wife is SAHM who home schools. I don't know my cousin's salary, but he's an electrician in a very rural area, so my guess is that he makes....$45,00-$50,000 a year. They have 5 (!) kids. his wife finished HS and he finished HS and then trade school.

My husband and I make significantly more than that (on paper). We only have 1 kid on the way. We both have master's degrees.

But my cousin lives in a 5 bedroom, beautiful house that he built himself on land from his dad's former farm and they have two cars. We live in a 1 bedroom apartment. So...who's rich in that situation, you know?

From what I’ve seen in my short time as a member, I’d say this community is rather average as far as class is concerned. There will always be a few who are wealthy and some who are barely scraping by but for the most part, I think the majority are somewhat middle (or slightly upper middle) class.

Just because someone buys their kid a pair of Ugg boots or drops a grand to furnish their nursery, doesn’t mean that they’re necessarily rolling in it. I can see myself doing both of these things when our time comes but we’re not rich. Comfortable, yes, but wealthy? I wish. If we didn’t work, we’d be out on the street. Some people make sacrifices in other aspects of their life in order to afford these luxury items. Maybe they pack lunch every day or dye their own hair so that they can save that $100 or so every month to put towards a splurge that they’ve been saving for.

I find that it’s generally not wise to make assumptions about other people’s finances unless you know for a fact how well off they are. My friends do this to me constantly (we both have good jobs and make a decent income so we’re automatically “rich” to them) and I hate it.

I think it's a mixture of many different people.

@sorrycharlie: umm... have you ever met a 19-22 year old who didn't make stupid financial decisions?! I'm 23 and still making dumb decisions but learning from them

This topic crosses my mind often. I feel a lot of HB posters, or at least some of the more frequent posters, appear to be upper middle class or above, but it is all a matter of our perception of them...the majority of us don't know each other in real life so we are only able to pass judgement on their wealth based on what the poster is posting.

I personally try not to talk about money/income. I don't want people to think I am wealthy because we are definetly more pay check to pay check at the moment, but at the same time I do not want to poor mouth either - that was not how I was raised. I just try to stay neutral on the topic as a general rule both here and in real life.

That said I may post we spent over $1000 on LO's crib and dresser, but that is the only item we spent any real or substantial amount of money on. We saved elsewhere so we could get a quality product to last years to come. Our stroller and most of our other big ticket items were gifts. Our glider DS obtained from an old job. I made all of DS's linens and DIYing anything I could because I wanted to...however if someone would see me post that one thing about our crib they may interpret that as us having more money than we actually do.

@Mrs. Pen: lol oh..but these are really, really, really epically stupid. when i think about all we could own if not for these credit cards I lose weeks of sleep!!

@regberadaisy: Could it be possible that they are on a budget so they could save up and pay for this expensive stroller?

As for frugal, yeah, usually it means you don't spend a ton of money but just because someone is frugal at one thing (like eating out or buying clothes) doesn't mean they can't buy high quality or expensive things.

@MrsH: maybe I'm wrong but I tend to think I'm mature for my young age. Married at 20 and pregnant at 21 (100% planned), I've always been older than my years. All my friends are in their late 20's the 30's. I totally understand and relate to investing in things rather than buying everything "cheap".

@MrsCB: I don't think the idea is to make them feel bad, I just don't understand why people who make 300k+ a year are saying "Oh, we're average!". No one is going to admit they are "loaded" and I think people get frustrated with that coyness. Like , if you haven't checked your bank account in 2 months because you know you have plenty of money..you aren't "average" like eveyone wants to say!

@Mrs. Pen: +1

@Mrs. Jacks: Oh, I know you're crazy busy! Perhaps a frugality post in the future!

I think those who are talking about budgeting and saving in order to afford more expensive items are forgetting that for those of us that are low-income, we budget and scrimp and save in order to live, period. I don't shop for myself, we've never been on a vacation, we don't buy anything that we don't need, and we are still scraping by. I am happy for people who are financially secure, because that's obviously a huge goal my husband and I have, but it's important to remember that many people go without extras and live on a strict budget out of absolute necessity, not in order to be able to save for something. It's a privilege that those who are in the position to save for big things should be grateful for.

@MrsH: well maybe it would have before I had a child as well! I spent less than $500 on J's birthday and that would be viewed as a lot to many - especially childless friends! FWIW it was a budget b-day party. The stroller I registered for was $180 I am a frugal person but that not to say that I don't appreciate quality - I do! I feel I have a good understanding of what things need to be expensive to get good quality and what can be skimped on (ie children's clothes!).

@DigAPony: I'll work on that... and yes I agree, some don't have the luxury of frugality. It's a necessity. I remember those times as a kid and it was tough, but I still feel like I had a lovely childhood and never felt poor.

@regberadaisy: Also, is it possible that they came into some money? I admit that this time last year, we were on a very strict budget. We cut out cable, reduced our spending, stopped eating out, packed lunches, started taking the bus to work instead of the car. Any of of our expenses were completely necessary. We were bare-boned. Then I found out that I've been sitting on stock. (I was very unsure of when to buy and sell and the general stock market but noticed that there was a lot of talk from my coworkers about them selling their shares of stock.) Overnight, I realized we had money. Holy Crap! We were on a strict budget for over year. Maybe it was two years. We were able to pay off most of our credit cards. For once we could buy things. We started a down payment on our house. Our finances are definitely much better than a year ago. But I do still do things to save money. I still take the bus but I reward myself with a starbucks now and then. I was spending close to $200 a month in gas now it's half that. So spending $15 a month on starbucks is my special treat.

I wouldn't say loaded but I have a feeling the majority on here is pretty well off.

We aren't in a bad spot ourselves but we certainly can't afford some of the things people buy on here! I wish we could though! Most of our baby items will be second hand/resale because we can't afford all new and if I could get that $180 diaper bag, I SO would in a heartbeat! There is a $150 one calling my name but I just have to keep telling myself, it is just a bag. lol

So far on our nursery we have spent $200 and have all the big stuff. Our crib was $30, our glider was $100, we already had a dresser and we bought some shelves from target. Not getting a changing table. All we have to do now is paint and decorate but I am looking for a TON to be DIY or super cheap.

In the words of Kanye West " I wanna act like it's ballerific, like it's all terrific/ I got a couple past due bills, I won't get specific/ I got a problem with spending before I get it"

Ok not exactly like Kanye, but we make tradeoffs to do and have the things that are importance to us.

Edit, in general the site does not come strike me as rich. According to the US Govt poverty standards, we are above it.