Hellobee Boards

@winniebee: I'm on HB all the time at work! But the nature of my work is just not super intensive/crazy all day long, I get spurts. So the time I use to go online during free time at work, at home I'd just be allocating that to chores instead.

@snowjewelz: Yeah, I usually think of SAHPs as the opposite to WOHPs, so I would be more likely to infer that if a WOHP couldn't do it, a SAHP might be able to. I'll admit, I don't always think of WAHPs and whether they can/can't do something because I just don't know very many! Plus typing "WOH" is a lot faster than typing "work full-time," haha.

@winniebee: I think it's one of those things that people need to be more conscious of. I remember a while ago, someone brought up the fact that we don't ALL have a DH or DW and so those threads that specified "What do you do with your DH?" when it could have just as easily said "What do you do with your SO?" rubbed them the wrong way, because of the assumptions being made. This is probably another area we can improve on - specifying "working" without the specifics of where, when it really doesn't matter.

i wah a couple days a week and i absolutely get comments (even from dh and my family!) like "oh you have the next couple days off?" ... no its only wed and i still have to work for another 2 days, albeit at home. or they ask if i want to go hangout in the middle of one of my wah days. yes it does have its perks like doing some laundry during the day but my house is still a mess at the end of a wah day and i still have little time to scrape up dinner for the kids before i pick them up from preschool. so to me, WAH and WOH is almost the same, without the commute.

I'm probably one of those people who posts things like "I WOH and don't see my kid often." But that's just because I WOH and I use the short cut while typing. In my mind, WAH=WOH and I don't really see a difference. I'm allowed to work from home a few times a month and I definitely take advantage of it, but I'm still working, regardless of where I am physically sitting.

@winniebee: I'm sorry! I made a comment about not being able to take a weekend away because I WOH, that wasn't the best way to put it. Any parents that are away from their kids for longer than they'd want to be and regardless of work status.

I've never been a FT WAH or WOH but I did FT WAH at one point. My coworkers definitely acted like I was lucky to be able to WAH. I was in sales though so I didn't care how my co workers perceived me...I felt like sales people carried the whole business (if us then there was no point in anyone else's job) and saw WAH as a perk that helped manage the pressure of selling and of being on the road all the time. As long as I made my targets I felt I deserved respect. For me I sold educational products and services so I wasn't going to be in the office all day much anyway. I used to work admin at an engineering firm and would get frustrated when the software engineers would work from home but now I see they were the $$ people. My experience has been if you can WAH full time then it means that your job isn't more or less valuable if you are in office.... or that you are so valuable that no one cares. Now I PT WAH as an adjunct instructor and I can tell ya...I have no respect. Which is why I have no office! It just depends.

I try not to make myself better or worse than other parents. OK maybe WAH has sidelined someone in a field where WOH is expected. Doesn't make em lazy. Just means they drew their boundaries somewhere other than where I did. They probably aren't being compensated as well as someone who WOH.

Edit: meant I didn't FT WAH as a parent; only before I had kids.

This is a slightly different perspective, but a co-worker works from home on Fridays. He gets the side-eye from a lot of people in my office because it is generally hard to get a hold of him. He won't answer the phone when you call, but will call you back at some point. A lot of our weekly meetings are on Friday, which means we have to conference call with him - an extra hassle. I'm not sure if he has childcare when he works from home or not.

I think in that specific circumstance, he doesn't get as much respect, but I know others in my industry that WAH. It doesn't effect their work and I don't think they get less respect.

I'm sad to see some of these comments. The ones similar to 'just working part time' or 'just working at odd hours.' If someone is getting their hustle on, good for them!

It shouldn't matter if it's 'just a SAHM' or 'just a WOHM' or 'just a WAHM.' Being a mom (or dad) is a hard job and no one else knows what it's like to be in someone else's shoes. I think respect should be equal across the board; it clearly isn't, but should be.

@winniebee: If I end up with the ability to work from home any amount of days once I have a baby, then I wouldn't care at all about what anything thought of me or the level of respect I felt they were giving me. I'd just be so excited that I figured out a way to work from home!

I haven't read all of the comments but when I see people say on HB, "I WOH so XYZ," I think they are using that as a substitute for saying, "I work," just because that is the term used here for working parents. I think it's also because the phrase "work outside the home" is used to avoid suggesting that SAHMs don't work.

I don't think it is meant as a slight against WAHMs or intended to not be inclusive. I think most women on HB are understanding that if you work, at home or not, it is not the same as being a SAHM. I WAH very part time, but I call myself a SAHM because it is so different from when I was a WAHM 30+ hours per week and LO was in daycare/Grandma-care so I could work.

However, I do see outside of HB some misunderstanding... like my cousin had a 9-5 home office job where she didn't see her son except for her 30 minute lunch break. It was more structured than many office jobs because it was a call center type role. Still, when she would post about missing her son or struggling with work-life balance on FB, people would comment, "Don't you work from home?" Grr.

ETA: I agree with others that it IS hard when women like me who work very part time and don't need childcare call themselves WAHMs with no caveats. But I think anyone that works from home in a capacity where they need regular childcare is in the same "category" as a WOHM. Honestly, I think the need for childcare is the big distinction in most people's minds (here at least) for whether or not you are a "legitimate" working mom or you just have a side gig.

I have no problem saying I'm a SAHM with a side gig

I've done both and agree that when you are home you still need childcare and have to take the job seriously, but you have WAY more flexibility for non-work things in general when you are at a home office vs. a corporate office. Even though I have office IM so my boss can see when I'm not at my computer, I can still run over to daycare for a class party or to drop something off. And this morning I forgot to put our dinner in the crock pot - too bad because I have an hour commute so we will be ordering takeout. If I was home I could take 3 minutes to throw the ingredients in and turn it on. Plus we are having construction done to our house and the builder always needs to meet with us to talk about stuff - I actually have to use vacation time to do this because it means I have to get to work late. If I was home I could just come outside of the office for 5 minutes at any time and have a quick convo. So overall I think wfh is much more flexible and family friendly but sadly my industry is run by men with sah wives so it's not possible for me anymore! (I switched careers).

WAH definitely doesn't get the same respect as WOH from people that are not too familiar with what the actual work entails. Yes, there's flexibility to answer your front door when a package is delivered, but there are meetings (conf calls) and EOD deadlines too. I wouldn't be able to care for a child or entertain a houseguest on my home office days.

Often right at 5 pm I'm not just ready to leave the house and do something because I worked all day. So wether I WAH or WOH (with a commute) I can easily see not want to do things on a weeknight or holding my weekends hostage for family time.

ETA: I'd imagine a SAH parent would want some time to decompress too. Isn't everybody tired at the end of the day?

Nope.

I haven't really experienced anyone being less respectful (though I am pretty new to being a "full time working parent). Some of the comments geared toward parents who work from home part time but "aren't really working" because they "don't have a real job" felt a little disrespectful. I have spent the last 2 years working part time from home, and I was able to bring home more income than I am now working full time, and it was a LOT more difficult.

I made the switch to working full time because it is SO much easier and SO much less stressful, because I am not trying to balance working with maintaining a house that little people are playing in all day during the little bit of free time/nap time that I have. I do have a little flexibility now, but not much. I have to get my projects done as I am an independent contractor and not a traditional employee...so if I am distracted by a dirty house or kids who don't nap, work doesn't get done. There isn't really time for anything but working during my work hours.

All that to say, it feels kinda crappy to have people act like your work doesn't matter, regardless of how you have arranged your work/life balance. I am really thankful I haven't had to experience much of that with people I know, and I am sorry you have @winniebee: