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I don't have kids yet, but this is truly my biggest fear (besides health complications, of course). My husband and I are both really hard workers and did well in school, preparing for our future, but it seems like kids these days aren't like that. Many of them are lazy and think they should just get things they don't deserve. I'm scared that my kids will be like that too and I'm worried I won't be able to instill good values and a dedication to hard work inside them.

I think probably the best thing you can do (and probably parents will have better/more accurate suggestions than me) would be to just let your kids know what is expected of them and not let them get away with slacking off. I know that growing up, I never FELT like I could get away with being lazy. I just knew it was expected of me to do well (B or better) in school and so I did. I didn't want to disappoint my parents (how do you make sure your kids don't want to disappoint you?) and so I did what they expected me to do.

I think you should set your expectations for your children high, but not unattainably so. Make sure they know that you expect them to do their homework, that they get Bs (or As or whatever you expect) on their report cards, and reward behavior that is indicative of their dedication to hard work.

Good luck! If you find the secret, please let me know!

@Looch - I know what you mean. Both myself and my husband have one other sibling. They both dropped out of college and ended up not doing as well, whereas my husband and I both got our degrees. How is it that one sibling ends up being a hard worker with goals and the other doesn't?

@Tequiero21 - Actually, we're both the second! I don't know if maybe our parents let the first-borns get away with more or something, but both my husband and I were the youngest and we ended up working harder than our elder siblings.

I suppose that's probably true - maybe that's why my brother is more of a slacker than I am? Certainly in high school, my best friend and I often would compete with each other to do better, and so we both ended up doing really well! Before high school, I didn't have that with my friends, but I had that competitiveness with my brother - we were always competing to bring home the better report card.

I know you can't completely control who your kids hang out with, but you can certainly influence it I think. My best friend in middle school wasn't the best influence on me and my mom really disapproved of her. But my parents gave me standards that I had to live up to, such as I had to complete my homework before I could hang out with her and stuff. And I was never allowed to just go hang out with someone without prior permission. I think if you get that kind of "homework before fun" attitude ingrained in kids before middle school or high school, you'll have a lot less problems. At least that's how I was... but unfortunately I'm the only experience I have, haha.

I also think that if you teach your children from a young age to work hard and be studious, they will probably be more likely to befriend others who are like that. At least, I HOPE that's the case...

Maybe you can give your kids so much to do they don't have time for fun either. I tended to only really have time to hang out with my friends on the weekend due to homework and piano practice.

Of course my brother was equally packed with stuff to do because he did sports all year round and that apparently didn't work for him so... Maybe try asking your parents and Mrs. Bee's parents what they did to prevent you two from being lazy? I plan to ask my mom, but I don't think she'll know what she did differently between my brother and me.

We intend to raise our kiddos to know what work means. They'll need to do chores and earn an allowance, and hopefully this will help entitlement. I grew up working at my parents' business, and had to earn things. We want to give our kids everything that they need, but they still need to feel as though they've earned what they are given.

@Anewme - I completely agree with you, especially this part:

"It's so much easier to give in than to fight for them."

I see that with my sister-in-law's child. She always gives in and gives in and gives in and lets him do whatever he wants. Now he's six and a spoiled brat and I know he's just going to get worse! You HAVE to say "no" to your kids and you have to show them consequences. I think one of the worst things you can do as a parent is make threats and then don't follow through. For example, my SIL will tell her son "Have a bite of everything on your plate, or no dessert," and he'll throw a hissy fit, cry and scream for a while, and then she'll take his dinner away and give him dessert! And she's ALWAYS done this, so he knows that he just has to throw a fit and she'll give him what he wants! It drives me batty!

This is a great discussion and one that I wonder how we will handle as our son gets older. For me, the main thing that we will have to stick to is that our time together is not time to indulge the child. I think a lot of parents have guilt that they aren't with their children because they are working, commuting, whatever...and then when they do spend time with their kids, they want to "make up" for the time spent apart and then just give into their whims. I have every intention of returning to work, I invested a lot in my education, I enjoy it and I want DS to understand that you have to work to get things that you want. Obviously I don't plan to let him have zero fun, but as a PP wrote, everything is a privilege.

Although this thought has crossed my mind, I'm not too concerned about it. Kids learn by example and my husband and I are definitely not ones that will set that example.

I wholeheartedly believe that children need boundaries and cringe when I see parents who cater to their kids, cause those are the ones that grow up to be lazy and entitled. It frustrates me to no end and makes want to walk up to them and tell them that they don't need to be their children's best friends.

Like many have already mentioned, be consistent and follow through with consequences. Try also, not to promise something you can't deliver.

I don't think this can really be blamed on kids. Kids haven't changed. A baby now is the same as a baby 50 years ago. Adults are what change and the change reflected in adults is what is passed down to kids. I think a lot of it has to do with not wanting to be the mean mommy at playgroup who is seen disciplining her children or on the soccer field or science fair when everyone is given a ribbon regardless of whether or not they deserved it. Take the student you mentioned who received a B-...if he grew up always receiving the ribbon when all he did was sit on the bench it's easy to see how he expects the same thing in college (the A when he didn't do anything to actually earn it). I also think parents are too afraid to tell their kid a painting isn't good or the paper they wrote isn't up to standard. There's a fine line between being critical and setting reasonable standards. There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking at your ten your old and saying: "This isn't good enough. You need to go back and do better."

When I was in college to get my teaching degree one of our classes actually talked about good praise and bad praise. I've seen teachers ask a question such as "what is your name" and the student named Timmy replies "Fred" then the teacher says good try, guess again. No, NOT good try. Fred isn't his name. Don't say good job. The response should be: "No, try again."