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He hadn't done ANY research though, and knew I had. We'd already talked about why a hospital birth was a bad option for the baby (and a terrible one for me - I am terrified of being admitted to a hospital again.) He'd already said he wasn't comfortable with a homebirth. I said I'd try to find a work around. I did - a facility specifically for birth, with medical professionals and all the equipment found in a normal hospital, but one that works WITH the mothers.

He got MAD that I said I'd like to go through a birthing center provided I wasn't high risk. We weren't even TTC at the time. He said I just had to "get over" my fear of hospitals and deal with it. That I had no place making this sort of decision. This is a normally level-headed, patient, and understanding man. I would've expected a "let me do some research - I've never heard of a birth center, and I want to know what we're talking about" or "I don't want to talk about this yet." Not "horrible, disrespectful wife, childbirth is a man's business!"

The caring whether or not his doctor was competent is a given - but I trust him to do his research. I trust that he will choose the best option. I know he's not gonna go to some back-alley doctor with rusty tools. And he knows I'm far more particular about my doctors than he is. He doesn't care whether I go to the women's health clinic or the VA hospital for my biannual exams, or whether I go to Lenscrafters or a stand-alone optometrist for my vision care (and encourages me to go to the ones NOT at the hospital, because they have better care.) I did all the health insurance research (at his behest.)

We've since come to an agreement, but I want to know where he was coming from in the first place.

@artbee: He can have an opinion, but I should be able to have one too. I did not say "I am having the baby at a birthing center. End of discussion." He said "You are having the baby at a hospital, and that's final." AFTER we'd discussed that I would be beyond stressed if I thought I was going to be admitted to a hospital and that nine months of panic is not good for a fetus. After it was established that I was as strongly for a homebirth as he was for a hospital birth. After we'd agreed to find a compromise between homebirth and hospital.

He normally likes to talk people around to his point of view. He's not a shoot first, ask questions later type of person.

A few weeks later, he looked up the statistics on his own, and agreed that a homebirth was an acceptable option, and birth center was the best, so long as a hospital was nearby in case of complications.

I want to understand WHY he'd get ANGRY at me for suggesting a birth center!

I specified at the time that it was IF the pregnancy was low-moderate risk. Only two hospitals in the area will accept my insurance - one is the VA hospital, and the other was my lone civilian referral.

The reason this comes up AND the reason I don't want to ask him: He plans to set up a deployment to leave ASAP after I find out I'm pregnant, sign on a house before he leaves (within the first trimester), and come back from Afghanistan just before the due date. This has me pissed off - it does not allow time for the whole "get to know the midwife" thing, and most of all - he's a civilian, and refuses to apply for a job that deploys less. I've already accepted that his job is more important to him than I am or any kids we might have. Why does he think it's 100% OK to be gone for 6 1/2 months of pregnancy (even a good idea), and only care about how it goes the last few hours? With him, I can't separate the "deploy for the whole pregnancy - great idea!" and the "how dare you decide where to give birth" issues. I can't bring up one without bringing up the other.

I was looking for a guy to legitimize the "How dare you!" issue with something more articulate than "it's my baby too!" or "it was good enough for my mom, it's good enough for you!"