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My daughter is only 3, but we had a similar experience to PP. We were at a neighbor's house last summer, playing in their backyard and their large, very active, dog was going crazy with the excitement, trying to play with DD. She was having none of it and became extremely scared of all dogs. (prior to this, she liked seeing dogs) Whenever we see a dog on a walk, we talk about them and read books about them too. What really seemed to be a turning point though was about a month ago, we visited a relative who has a very small, calm dog. My husband played with and sat with the dog all afternoon while we visited, and DD watched. She did not want to interact with the dog, but seeing my husband interact with it really seemed to help. It was also good that it was a small dog.

Like you, I'm allergic and have never been a dog person, so I couldn't care less if she doesn't want to play or pet a dog. So, I'm happy with where we're at now. She seems ok with seeing a dog at a park now. Though, I'm sure a large dog getting up in her face would really set us back. I get it though, that would also make me uncomfortable.

I have had an irrational fear of dogs my whole life, so here is what I learned and continue to do.

First, during a calm unstressful moment, talk to your son about dogs. Something like:

"Dogs love to run, jump, sniff, bark, and lick. this is how they get to know you. Isn't it funny that humans smile and high five, but doggies want to sniff your bum and penis? Thats because their nose is so strong, they can tell who you are by your smell! Every dog is going to want to smell you. Thats also why they lick! they want to taste and kiss you.

Doggies LOVE to run. Its their most favorite thing in the whole world - just like you love (legos/karate/baking/superheros). So if you try to run away, the doggie thinks you want to play. And they are fast! Humans can't usually beat a doggie in a race. So even if you want to run away, the best thing is to stand still. Its very hard to do when we are scared. But the doggie will then sniff you, realize you don't want to play and go away.

Doggies also love to jump. its probably their second favorite things besides running. Have you ever seen a doggie jump to catch a frisbee? If you lift your hands up, to get away from the sniffing dog, its going to think you want him to jump up. So we should cross our arms or put them behind us, while we stand still.

So, if we are playing outside and a friendly dogs comes walking over, what do we do? We stand still, look up at the sky, and cross our arms and wait for the doggy to finish sniffing us. Try not to cry or scream- if you need to say something forcefully repeat No Thank You.

If a dog comes running at you, or even a friendly/known down is scaring you, the best thing to do is stand still, cross your arms and yell NO! STOP! NO! as loud as you can. Doggies learn a few words and no is one of them."

I hope this helps a bit. In general, I find dog owners to not be understanding of fears or allergies (for every 1 good dog owner, there are 10 bad ones). I can't count how many times I still need to shout "No!" as an unknown dog comes bounding at me (or my kids) because the owner is ineffectively managing it.

Standing still while wanting to run, and not putting your hands up away from a predators mouth is EXTREMELY difficult. Its going to take him some time to learn these coping skills.

I'm desperately trying not to pass my fear onto my kids, but its even harder to appear calm and not afraid while wanting to run

Let me know if you have any questions, or need any other talking points.

No idea if there are programs like this in your area, but in mine (metro Philly) there are programs where kids can read to service dogs in training at our local libraries, which I know for some of my friends with kids with dog fears have been really helpful for their kids to get a little experience with very well trained dogs.