Hellobee Boards

@SadMama: So sorry to hear about this!

Have you guys had a chance to talk with a child psychologist? They might be able to steer you in the right direction... or maybe a developmental-pediatric pediatrician might be helpful, if that didn't prove useful?

Good luck!!!

I was reading a discipline/development book the other day and they talked about a toddler who was really out of control, and the parents had to use something called a therapeutic hold. With your background, I'm sure you know what that is. A psychologist could probably show you how to do it.

HUGS

Aww!! I also have an older daughter and almost 2 yr old son. I am dealing with tantrums too, but it's flipped in my situation. My DD is having the meltdowns (but she's not physical like your son) on an almost daily basis, even though she is almost 5.

Have you perhaps tried some of the techniques like Happiest Toddler on the Block, talking in toddler-ease? Or maybe try asking your pediatrician what she would suggest? I don't have a lot of suggestions but I can relate to being emotionally spent and not knowing where to turn. It is so frustrating walking on pins and needles around the kids when you are afraid that any little thing will set them off.
Also, are you able to find a little bit of time for yourself?

Children often save their worst behavior for thier parents, as does my son. It's taken me some time to come to terms with, but every day, it gets a little bit better.

Hang in there!

@SadMama: Sorry about this.. for things like kicking and tantrums I think he needs some sort of immediate response to tell him thats not okay. I dont know if you already tried it but if anytime he starts acting up you immediately put hiim in his crib or his room and leave him by himself he may start to get the message that no one wants to be around him when he behaves that way

I second the suggestion of seeing a professional. A very close friend of mine was going through something very similar recently. Her daughter was out of control. She would throw the biggest tantrums out of no where and anything would set her off. The usual discipline tricks didn't work (time outs, privilege losses, etc). So she took her daughter to see a child psychologist. I don't know what the final outcome ended being (I didn't ask) but her daughter (and the whole family) is at a much better place. I remember she also mentioned reading a book called "Raising Your Spirited Child", which she said was a huge help. (((HUGS!)))

Feel free to laugh at me since my LO isn't here yet and I have zero experience, but what about putting him in his room and shutting the door when he has a tantrum? If it happens while yo're out, letting him know he'll have to go to his room when you get home - and the second you walk through the door follow through and put him in there? I'm assuming he just wants your attention and he's clearly getting it by throwing tantrums, so I feel like if you teach him that he actually gets zero attention when he throws one that might help?

How are you responding to the tantrums?

Are they so violent that you can't ignore them? Doing a sort of "time-out in place" where you look away and walk away and watch out of the corner of your eye if need be to monitor for safety is a good approach in the home at least. You could give attention to you daughter while ignoring the tantrum in this manner. When the tantrum stops, give him lots of positive attention, touch, face-time, enthusiasm.

The book "Kazdin Method" is good. It has more advanced approaches if the tanturm is too violent to ignore.

If that does not work, seeing a professional might be good.

But also keep in mind that age 2 is about the end of the "frustration tantrum" phase where the kid might have limited capability for self-control, so he may grow out of it soon assuming you are not inadvertently reinforcing the tantrums in some manner.

Give him lots of positive attention and praise when he uses his words. Do not say "use your words" when he fails to use his words because this attention and face-time reinforces not using words, just look away and pretend to ignore when he whines or something instead of using his words

You have probably tried this, but: Sometimes having some small novel toys can help. I kid of grab bag of cheap new toys. Or, you give him a novel toy for the diaper change or ride in the car and then distract him and take it away so it does not lose it's appeal. These are not used as rewards for tantrums or lack of cooperation, but as distractions during transitions to prevent tantrums. Of course, you still have the "transition" of taking the toy away (assuming you do that) but it might be easier to make that transition.

3 to 5 day trials might work, but 3 might be too short. If you try something like ignoring, then you sometimes get an "extinction burst" where things get worse for a few days before they get better. Things might get worse for only 1-2 days, but it could take longer than 3 to see an improvement if the behavior has been reinforced only part of the time in the past. Partial reinforcement tends to make it harder to extinguish a behavior, so partial reinforcement is good for locking in a behavior you want after a period of continuous reinforcement, but it can lead to a situation where a bad behavior can be hard to extinguish.

I just wanted to say you shouldn't feel guilty about the way you feel. It is so hard when the tantrums get bad. We had a rough go with my oldest when he was about 18 months. His twin brothers were 9 months and I just sat In The middle of our playroom sobbing and guarding my twins while he threw a giant tantrum. It can be so difficult. I also found that my boys tantrums are WAY more physical than my daughters.

Just take deep breaths momma and know that you will get through this. A few times when I thought I was going to loose my mind I put them in their cribs so they were safe and played a song on m iPad to calm me down.

If you feel like your other child is getting the short end of the stick because of the tantrums make some special time for just her. I know it's not easy to schedule but may e it would help. Or if your parents are up for it have her get and day with them. It could help her feel special too.