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@Mama Bird: I relate to what you wrote

I also don't believe that every time a baby cries they need to be held. And sometimes I think it makes sense to let baby cry a little bit, get through whatever you're doing, and then get to baby's need properly instead of half doing everything. I just think there are a lot of different situations where people might seem like they just don't care but they actually have other motivations. Tennis practice, I don't know about that. It seems like a long time to let a baby sit by themselves. But quickly trying something on and leaving, that I could deal with.

i have definitely wondered why the parent doesn't just pick up and soothe the child in situations like this. We were out eating recently and this family had a baby who couldn't have been more than 4 months old in a car seat - he was crying and crying while they were eating. The jiggled the seat and dangled toys in front of him, but ultimately, he just wanted to be held - and as soon as they finally picked him he up, he stopped. I don't really get why you wouldn't pick up a crying baby (especially an infant)b- usually they just want to be held and be close.

I guess the way I see it ... Babies cry because for whatever reason, they're unhappy or they want something. If I can make my daughter happy by the simple act of picking her up or holding her, I don't mind doing so at all.

I am an attachment parent, very opposed to CIO of any type, etc, and just for fun, my second baby is one of these 'tension releasing' criers. Meaning that sometimes she's full, comfortable, exhausted, and she just wants to cry to sleep. So I get that. If I see a parent pushing a kid in a stroller or bouncing in a carrier through screaming, I get that. But I would really struggle to sympathize with a parent leaving their kid to cry while they do some fun activity. Yeah, we all need downtime, but your crying baby needs you.

@Mrs.KMM: I'm sorry you feel like you're being judged. When we know we are doing the best for our kiddos we really shouldn't care if others are judging--though I know it's so hard not to. If you ever figure it out, let me know! I don't think you're doing anything wrong taking your baby to tennis. I believe that babies will adapt to whatever environment you put them in and in time she will be able to sit and play with her toys and chill for longer. You have to parent how suits you best as a family, some people let their kids CIO at night whereas others would find it cruel...some people have 2nd babies and that baby has to be left to cry sometimes while the parent is attending to the 1st child. It's all fine, the baby will learn to fit in

I think this may be one of those circumstances where we WANT our children to exhibit certain behaviors and perhaps our expectations don't line up with our reality? You can try to mold all you want, but sometimes you get what you get

If you don't want to be judged, you have to change your behavior. If you don't plan on changing your behavior, I think you have to accept that you're going to get the side eye from people.

I think it generally makes people uncomfortable to see a baby upset, though, and the mother not actively trying to stop it. Both of my kids sometimes just have to crab or cry through stuff, so I get it, but....I feel like public domain is a sticky area (mostly because I don't like subjecting others to it). So if this is how you are going to parent, I think you need to just give no fucks.

@sarac: I'm not an attachment parent and I did CIO (at 7 months) and I still feel exactly the same way. Yes, sometimes babies need to cry a little to release tension before sleep, and sometimes they cry and we can't get to them that instant. But to expect a 4 month old to be able to self soothe and sit quietly on the sidelines just seems unrealistic and somewhat cruel.

Repeating what some others have said, but I too feel a lot of anxiety when my baby cries -- especially when he was young -- sweaty, anxious, heart racing, etc. That often extends to other babies when I'm in public. I distinctly remember being at Target when DS was about 3 months old (he was home with DH) and having this reaction plus letdown while hearing a baby cry in the stroller while his mother browsed. When DS was 2 months old I brought him in the stroller to vote and even though he was happy during the walk there (plus was fed, clean diaper, etc) - he flipped out the second I got up to get my ballot. I could have left him in the stroller screaming and it would have been faster, but taking him out and soothing him made it less of a miserable experience for others present - plus a sweet neighbor of mine bounced him for a minute while I filled in my ballot. I'm not anti-CIO -- we did Ferber at 4 months and it was life-changing -- but nevertheless if I can get my baby to stop crying but holding him, I totally will. It's hard for me to identify with your examples because DS was definitely not a "tote-along" kind of baby when he was small and I tended to avoid those situations altogether or tag-team them with DH on the weekends.

@Mrs.KMM: well, there you go, then!

This thread is so eye opening.

I am kind of surprised, though, @Mrs.KMM, by your last comment. I want to be sympathetic to crying children, I really do, but sometimes, I just can't because of the actions of the parents. I have written this before, but a lot of the parenting that I do is for the benefit of other parents, to let them know that I am on top of it and watching.

I think it comes down to the level of appropriateness as to where your child is crying. Maybe I am wrong on this one, but there is a difference between a kid crying on a tennis court and a kid crying say, in a fine dining establishment.

I will be honest, I would judge for alone having a 4 month on a tennis court where she would easily get hit.

I completely get wanting to have ME time. But me time doesn't mean taking your baby with you. If you keep playing long term you will need one anyway.

@Pumpkin Pie: I think it's both--people are judging b/c they are annoyed.

I'm sympathetic to parents who appear to be aware of the situation and are trying to move things along quickly. I'm annoyed and judging the parents who seem to not care about the disruption their child is causing and are doing nothing to stop it....not so much that they're a bad parent, but that they're inconsiderate.

Two recent examples: I judged the mom who was slowly pushing her cart through the store and was talking on her phone while her child screamed bloody murder. And when I went to a wedding and a toddler was making a racket during the ceremony while the parents looked at him and smiled, I was annoyed.

@Truth Bombs: I will be honest, I don't play many sports or go anywhere for that matter, that I can't bring my son. So I really don't know if it is appropriate to bring my kid to a tennis court...I would have thought it was, in all honesty. I viewed it as a "loud" place, which it probably isn't.

@Mrs.KMM: I just want to say that I support you. I'm a different kind of parent, one that always picks up and holds my child when she cries, but that's me and the way I parent. My kid needs to be held a lot. But sometimes, she just has to cry, like if she's in the jogging stroller and wants to get out, but we're still two miles from home.

I get needing you time and not having alternate care. I think a lot of people on this board forget that not everyone can/does have access to childcare all the time or can afford to get a babysitter multiple times a week. My husband travels a lot in the summer and things are tight when he's gone. We don't have extra money laying around for me to get a babysitter just so I can try on some clothes or go to my exercise classes. Hiring a babysitter on top of paying for childcare is just not in the budget. You do what you have to do. Maybe you get the side-eye from people. But like you, I give zero fucks about what people think about my parenting style.

I won't comment on the crying baby point because it's been covered, but if I've learned anything as a parent its that someone is always judging something. Even when I feel like I'm doing everything right, someone has a comment.

For example, I wear DS in the Ergo all the time when we're out - he often sleeps but sometimes he's awake but calm. Older ladies seem baffled by it. "Can that baby even breathe?" one exclaimed loudly. "He looks uncomfortable, it's cutting into his face," another said. I told her he was sucking on it and she said I shouldn't allow that because there could be chemicals! Sometimes you have to ignore people.

@avivoca: We almost never pay for a babysitter outside of our usual childcare coverage during the work day. But when I need to run personal errands, I leave my son with either his dad or his grandparents rather than take him along. And I often go without or wait longer than I would like for the opportunity to do those things. The first 12+ months of being a parent were really hard because of those complications. Now at 19mo it's getting easier.

When my son is around I don't really feel like I am getting "me" time anyway. I get very stressed out when he is upset, and it takes a lot of energy to hang out with him and be attentive.

There is no way I would try to do something like a group exercise activity while he was there.