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I agree with some of the PPs that this is situational dependent. My DD rarely cried as a newborn unless something was wrong. So if we were in public and she started crying, I absolutely tried to tend to that need and dropped what I was doing.

My BFF on the other hand had a baby who was SO colicky. He cried 24/7, literally. It was heartbreaking for her. I went to the grocery store with her once and he screamed the entire time. I felt so badly but there was nothing anyone could do. She got so many stares and "advice" from people all over the store. She wouldn't have been able to leave the house for 5 months if she had to wait for him to not cry in public.

Sigh - this one is tough for me. I had a VERY COLICKY baby who was crying pretty much all the time. The hardest thing for me was the ONLY way to get her to nap was to walk her outside in the stroller and let her cry (since she was overtired) and then fall asleep. Picking her up made it worse - I think it stimulated her - and she WOULDN'T sleep at all. Literally all we could do was let her cry then pass out.

Which meant i spent HOURS upon HOURS outside/in public with a screaming baby in a stroller in the 10 mins before she fell asleep.

Every. Single. Time. someone would talk to me and say "why don't you pick her up!? She just needs her mama!!" or "She's hungry!!! Why don't you feed her!!!" or "She's hot!! She'd cold!!!!" when in reality - she was tired, and the only way she'd sleep is if I let her be.

So honestly??? Judging a mom who has a crying baby and is "doing nothing to console them" is really aggravating to me. Because you have no idea what's really going on.

This doesn't answer your question but now I'm all riled up.

@Charm54: This - I stopped going out in public when not absolutely necessary because i COULDNT DO ANYTHING to get her to stop crying and people were pissing the f*& out of me.

@JoJoGirl: I wouldn't judge a crying baby in a stroller. I know that the parent is most likely trying to get them to sleep. But leaving a baby crying while playing tennis, going to judge.

@Smurfette: Understood. @Madison43: Haha thanks. Sorry to threadjack.

@JoJoGirl: Ugh, I totally agree. You just can't win with colic. I had a baby with colic and we very rarely went out in public for the first 2 months because it was inevitable that he would cry and I was sure I would be judged. Sure, I could pick him up and bounce/soothe/sing/(insert any and every soothing mechanism you can think of here), but it wouldn't stop him from crying. I DID try those things to soothe him, knowing it would be ineffective anyways, and it always was. So I'm sure I was being judged regardless, either because I wasn't trying hard enough to soothe him, or because I was trying to soothe him and it wasn't working and so people thought I must just not be feeding him enough or not tending to his needs. GRR! I am also aggravated at the judgment that is so easily given to the mom who is doing "nothing" to address the crying.

@Mrs.KMM: It seems like there have been some harsh statements in this thread, but you know your baby best. Even if others are judging you, as long as you know that your baby's needs are being met and you know when to soothe and when trying to soothe is not helpful, then you are being the best mom you can and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it!

@JoJoGirl: What you're talking about is far different than the original example though. You *were* soothing her, by walking and walking with her. And colic is a whole other animal in terms of crying. You weren't ignoring her or leaving her on the sidelines while you were at practice hoping/expecting she'd self soothe and settle down.

I would just be annoyed to hear the baby crying in a public place while I'm out and about. I think it's fine at home but if it affects other people's experience, I think you should try to shush the baby or leave where you are.

@JoJoGirl: I'm sorry people were not helpful like that--they're lucky you didn't poke their eyes out! I think/hope most people, however, can tell when a mom is dealing with a colicky baby. My friends with colicky babies share a similar look--a frazzled and tired combo.

Im on the same line as @MRSTIZ. Like @JoJo, my first was a colicky baby, and the only way to soothe her was to wear her. So I have an underlying natural sympathy toward moms with crying/screaming babies when they're trying to be soothed or if they are in a carrier or stroller. Been there, I get it. But to let her cry while you are playing tennis and having "me time" is incredibly selfish, and I would judge you hard as well. I get that you're more than just a mom (by your words) and thats wonderful. Nobody should lose their identity when they become a mother. But that doesnt mean you are ENTITLED to those extras, particularly at the sake of a crabbing infant WHO NEEDS YOU, even if you think there is no reason behind it. I have a 6 month old, and sometimes she will let out a shriek when nothing is wrong. I pick her up, give her a snuggle, and most times, that helps. Do I have to hold her for longer? sometimes. Does that often interfere with things I want and need to get done, including "me" things? Absoolutely...but that comes with being a mother...You cant tell me that every time shes crying shes tired and needs to soothe herself to sleep.

@JoJoGirl: @Kbee: oh gosh that sounds exactly like my kid! I'm sorry you went through that too. When did LO grow out of it?

@Happygal: I don't think people can tell, especially when they've either never cared for a baby, it's been long enough that they don't remember, or they had easy babies. DH has an elderly aunt who heard DD crying one time and actually suggested we go to the ER

I keep turning this over in my head trying to make it feel ok. My husband does track bike racing, so it's a similarly enclosed environment. I can see him taking the baby in a stroller, walking around until she fell asleep, and then going about his team practice. I could even see him finishing a lap or a sprint after the baby woke up. But I just cannot imagine a scenario where I'd be ok with him just letting her cry and cry.

Any baby will learn to stop crying if it isn't working to get their needs met. This is the entire point of CIO. But I think even people who are really in favor of crying it out will say that isn't awesome, and that it's only ok because the trade off is that everyone gets the sleep they need. Just teaching a baby that it doesn't get picked up and comforted when it cries because mommy would rather have fun is pretty hard to swallow.

I feel like this thread has been beat to death so I hesitate to comment but I've noticed that nobody has mentioned the relevance of OP's LO's age - she's too old to be exhibiting colic, and instead is at the stage where a predictable nap schedule starts to evolve. OP mentioned:

"yes – often times when DD is fussing it is because she is simply just tired. Picking her up doesn't help with that. She just needs to be allowed to go to sleep. But that does not happen instantaneously."

So it sounds like the reason DD is crying is because she's ready for a nap at the time when practice is taking place. Not because she wants to be picked up. Perhaps the solution is to try to get her onto a schedule such that she will be well-rested before you leave for practice? I know this is very tough - my DD was on 90-minute waking intervals when she was 4 months old, which resulted in me barely ever being able to leave the house. I could scarcely go to the grocery and back before she was exhausted and ready for her next nap. We made it work though and now at 6 months her waking times are starting to get longer, so it's more possible to do things outside the house. So perhaps it's a "this shall pass" kind of thing.

@mrs.kmm: Only you know your baby. My son is the same way - he needs to screech and holler and get it out of his system for a few minutes before passing out. He also hates being touched and fussed and worn and jiggled when he's cranky - he really just wants to be left alone with his lovey so he can calm down. But no one knows that but me. I am generally averse to letting my son make a racket in public though because he is break-the-sound-barrier loud and I don't want to disturb people if I can help it, but it happens (like our 5 hour plane ride this week). If it works for you and your husband and kid, do you. I gave up caring about being judged a long time ago. Unless you're with my kid 24/7, you don't know what he needs.

Honestly, I don't really get it. If you don't care what people think of you and you're not open to changing, then why did you start this thread in the first place?

I totally disagree that babies don't need to be picked up so I'm not even going to go there