Did you have another baby after having PPD with your first, or are you planning to? I'm not at all ready to plan for another at this point since LO is still an infant, but the thought keeps popping into my head when I think about our plans for the future and a potential second child. I worry that my PPD/PPA was so bad that it's traumatized me so much that I'm scared to ever go through it again. Interested to hear from others who were in the same boat, and how was it with your second, if anyone is willing to share?
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Currently pregnant with my second, and I anticipate it happening again. It was one of the first conversations I had with my midwife; how we'll prepare this time to ensure I'm able to access resources as soon as possible, even it if happens soon after the birth. That's all I can do, is just be ready to notice the symptoms and reach out to my psychiatrist as soon as possible to get back on meds.
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I think I had undiagnosed PPA - but despite the pervasive anxiety, I LOVED the newborn - infant stage. I was flooded with deep joyous love often, despite my fears of scorpions, , germs, SIDS, cell phone radiation, germs, overheating, dropping the baby, germs, babyproofing, choking, germs.... ha. etc. So despite the PPA I was intent on TTC #2 and hopefully eventually #3. However, this time around, I have promised some close friends and DH that I am going to be much more persistent about getting help. I never want to live like that again. I have it on my list of things to talk about at my first 7 week appt on Thursday, if the US goes well.
ETA: Also I had a mostly great pregnancy aside from pregnancy anxiety, so I wanted to be pregnant again.
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I had a really rough time with #1. Like, at some point, I felt like putting my daughter up for adoption was the best thing for her and everyone. I just got to the point where I really didn't want her to miss out on a sibling and we didn't feel like we were done. We over prepared for #2, dh saving PTO for years before the birth. (Ttc also took longer than we thought it would.) And we wound up with a much easier baby the second time. It didn't happen. I learned to recognize my anxiety and address it between #1 and #2 and that helped, but mostly knowing dh would be around more, and we actually travelled to be with my family when ds was 2 months so I looked forward to that. I mostly think I got lucky, he was easy.
We're expecting our third (and LAST) now. Hoping it doesn't read its ugly head but I've been through it once so I'm not as scared because I know I can come out of it ok.
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I'm currently pregnant with #3 and had PPD with my last baby. While I was suffering with PPD I thought there was no way I would have another baby, which made me sad bc we really wanted more. I ended up getting help for my PPD and Zoloft did wonders for me! Knowing that there was a solution for me gave me hope and courage to have another baby! What I didn't know was that you can feel PPD symptoms during pregnancy, and that's what I've been struggling with this pregnancy. My midwives are willing to put me on Zoloft while pregnant, but I am trying to wait until after the baby is born to start it, and have been using as many natural coping mechanisms as I know of to battle with my mood swings this pregnancy.
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@gingerbebe: can definitely comment. She's been helpful to me in the past.
I had ppd/PPA with my first who is now close to 3. I had it for the first year and was largely untreated for it.
Believe me, it took a long time to feel ok with the idea of a 2nd. For the first year when someone asked if I'd have another I was like "dafuq you say?" After a year I was like mayyyyybe. By 2 I was as ready as I'll ever be.I am VERY newly pregnant from an IVF FET last week. And I'm still terrified of having PPd/PPA again. It impacted so much of my life, most of all my marriage. Our relationship is normal again and I'm so scared to turn things upside down.
BUT knowing what I know now, I will let my OB know immediately that I had it and it was bad and I want meds asap. I was never medicated so I was MIS-ER-A-BLE for almost a year. I will not do that again. My husband is also more aware this time and will hopefully handle it differently.
And I have a therapist already lined up who 2 friends used, who had extreme ppd-PPA and highly recommend. I just think that even if it hits me again I'm way more prepared and will hopefully be able to get in front of it more.Hugs to you, it's an awful experience and I'm sad that any of us ever have to go through it. But it does get better. You may never want to have another and that's ok too. I was very close to that but my husband convinced me (I mean in a positive way, not by badgering). But we both would have also been ok with one and done after that experience.
My point is, give it time but either decision is totally ok. -
@Goldengirl: We're still unsure at this point, and DD is going to be two this week. I don't want to deal with PPA again, plus having an infant is hard! If we do have another, it won't be until after she turns three, and I will definitely work with a therapist from the very beginning.
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@PawPrints: Congrats! I'm sure being prepared/aware will help makes things go a lot smoother.
@LomaLinda: Best of luck, hope you get the help you need and have an easier time once baby is here.
@SweetiePie: Congrats! And thanks for this. I was totally the same when I was dealing with it, when people would make comments about "when you have your second..." I was like, SHUT UP, it made me so mad and anxious. Thought no way, never. But now that things are so great with LO, the thought creeps in. Sounds like you're doing everything right. Best wishes for your pregnancy!
@Dahlia: So hard. I think that's what also stresses me out... just going through it all again, the sleepless nights and exhaustion (which I'm still not fully done with). And having 2 littles just seems so crazy, like how does anyone manage?! The fact that it already makes me anxious worries me. But I also think it's something I want. Urgh.
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@Goldengirl: If it's something you really want, you'll be able to do it. Gather your support in advance, and know you've survived it once before! If we do have another I think I will be quicker to sleep train or more willing to let DH give her formula at night so I can sleep more. That was a huge stressor for me.
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@Dahlia: Yes definitely quicker to sleep train... we were just talking about that the other day. I want to do it the first night! Lol. Just kidding... kind of
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I had PPA/PPD for both kids. DS1 was a severe situation bc I was a FTM, we had a stressful birth, DS1 was extremely colicky and had bad reflux, and basically he never slept and screamed constantly. I was on meds at 10 weeks PP and should have started at 6 weeks. I was off meds by 6 months PP.
DS2 was a surprise - we found out 1 year PP and I was scared. But DH and I made a plan while I was pregnant to do everything we could to ease my transition back to newborn land. DS2 I kept an open line with my OB and I got meds around 6 weeks PP and stayed on them for almost a year. I probably would have been fine to wean off at 6 months like last time but I was nursing longer and I didn't want to deal with bigger mood swings while weaning. DS1 stayed in full time care, we aggressively treated DS2's reflux right away, we hired a mommys helper pretty frequently so I could get naps and we sleep trained very early. We also intentionally supplemented with formula from the beginning through DS2's jaundice (expected since DS1 had it so badly he was one NICU for 5 days) and we kept formula in rotation at least once a day and I didn't put any pressure on myself about that.
Overall DS2 was an easier baby so that helped a lot, plus we just knew how to manage better the second time around. DH took on most of our toddler care and did the formula feed and baths for the baby so I could get some extra rest in the evenings. For me, as an introvert, I need veg out time and I physically need adequate sleep to help keep my mental health stable so we just really prioritized that.
I have two boys, 34 months and 14 months and I've felt pretty much like myself since the baby was 5 months old? And even during the PPA/PPD, it wasn't nearly as bad as the first time. I think weeks 6-10PP was hard as the meds kicked in and we had a lot of sleep issues and reflux, but in the grand scheme of things it was a really tough month but that was the worst of it.
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For 1 I had PPD and wanted to give him away. He felt like such a "problem" and when I told my OB this he put me on meds at 4 weeks. It changed everything.
Number 2 was a surprise but we were planning on tying. I felt depressed early on. By 14 weeks I was medicated because I kept wishing the pregnancy away and then feeling horrible about feeling that way. I was terrified God would punish me and end my pregnancy. From 14 weeks on I took Zoloft. At 34 weeks my OB took me off Zoloft and put me on something else that was not working. I cried and cried to me MFM doctor. He put me on Celexa. I made it to delivery feeling ok. When I had my son, I cried every time DH left the room. I felt like I couldn't breath. I was an anxious depressed mess.
That was February. I was sent to a psychiatrist because I called me OB and talked about being terrified and wanting to run away. I was put on a high dose of Celexa and Seroquel. I instantly felt better. Everything was going great until May when I went on Topamax for migraines. I spiraled. My best friend at work was terrified for me and set up a meeting with my principal. I wanted to die. I felt my kids deserved so much better for me and I was put on leave and sent back to the doctor. Turns out one of the number one side effects of topamax is severe depression. Going off that changed everything
I want a third but I am terrified. My psychiatric team warns me that PPD gets worse with each pregnancy and that I'll have to be medicated befor conception. I'm not sure if I'm willing to do that again. I don't want my boys to see me that crazy and I don't ever want to kill myself again.
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I think I had unmedicated ppd with LO. I am not sure if it was ppd or a really difficult baby with terrible reflux and colic. He screamed 24/7 my whole maternity leave and never slept, day or night. I remember I would literally cry my eyes out all day. Which I thought was normal but now realize... not normal. LO is 22 months. My husband is ready to try for #2 and he is older so we don't have forever. But I am so scared. I don't think there is any way I could handle a baby like LO and care for an older child. I recognize now I probably had untreated ppd and I would have likely been a LOT better on meds, so I will do that without hesitation in the future if we have a #2. I am still seriously terrified, though.
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@ladybee: your first line was me exactly. I felt like I made a huge mistake having him and ruined my life. I imagined leaving home and never coming back. And I had a panic attack one night when I was sitting there alone right after DH went back to work - it was when I realized I had him for the rest of my life and I couldn't return him. I distinctly remember thinking "I wish I could return him the way I return shoes to Zappos." Which is such a silly thought but I meant it wholeheartedly. I never told anyone that. Including my OB. My OB has no idea I went through ppd and that was my biggest downfall. I also think it's really strange that you have one 6 week pp checkup and that's it. Mine didn't even really prod much about my mental state. My pediatrician did more, but I was afraid to tell her anything I was feeling because I thought she'd take him away from me. And isn't that something? I had thoughts about leaving and giving him back, but I was afraid if I said it they'd take him away.
My heart breaks reading your story. Depression hurts so badly and I really think no one can truly understand until they experience it. I never did until my son was born.
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@SweetiePie: I remember crying to my husband that the baby made Cooper miserable (our dog) and that I hated him. It still breaks my heart. I'm so sorry you suffered through without medical help. I have an amazing medical team that helped me through it. At an appointment with my MFM at 37 weeks with my second, I asked to go on maternity leave early and to have the baby early. I told him that I was worried that baby was going to be still born and that that anxiety was consuming me. He did not feel having him early was in the baby's best interest and instead changed my medication to a medication that wasn't 100% safe for pregnancy (Celexa) because I was so far along.
I've had so many of those contradictory thoughts. Even now, having the two boys is hard for me. I often think that I should of only had one kid but then feeling immediate guilt and trying to take the thought away before fate could hear me and take away one of my children. It's weird how you could want them to go away but be terrified of someone taking them away, isn't it? I wish you the very best. I'm 16 months out and it's so much better. I'm glad I gave my son a sibling but I don't think I could every bring myself to do it again.
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I had depression with DS. It took a while to get diagnosed and wasn't until he was 4 months old. I remember thinking that there was no way I could have a second. And then you almost feel guilty and wonder if you will ever change your mind. My fear of PPd and having another colic baby had me saying no for a long time. I manage my ppd with medication and once life became more manageable for a while you do realize that there is an end to it and you can't start thinking if having another baby is the right choice for your baby. I am 15w pregnant right now with #2 and I got to this choice because I know if it happens again I can identify it and manage it better.
It is so hard and is the craziest thing at times. Just take care of yourself and know it's ok to be undecided about having a baby. You don't have to make a decision right now.
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I forgot to mention, my midwife this time around suggested they could even pre-prescribe the zoloft for me so I have it ready to fill after the birth and I can get on it ASAP if I start having symptoms. I think that's best. I probably won't mess around with an actual psychiatrist this time but will just jump straight onto the meds.
She also mentioned - I told her how the other midwife at my 6w pp checkup did a really good job prodding about mental health but at the time I believed I was fine, and that I didn't realize I had PPA until 3 months pp - my midwife this time said, oh yeah, that's a really common time for this to flare up. I was like, then WHY THE FUCK isn't there some kind of a 3-month pp check-up? Or at least like a phone call to see how you're doing? Or maybe a warning in advance? I felt like I got truly great prenatal care and my one 6w pp checkup was wonderful but oh my god, we need to have more robust postpartum health care in the US.
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I had PPA and pretty much martyred myself until I weaned. Even though Zoloft was proven to be BFing friendly, my anxiety kept me from being willing to take it. I am already struggling with anxiety (currently 26 weeks pregnant) and anticipate it will come back again postpartum. Like previous posters, I have asked my close circle (husband, best friends, family) to be on the look out and am now prepared to treat it immediately. While I still loved the newborn / baby phase, the anxiety damaged my quality of life and ultimately was hard on my marriage, two things I'm not willing to risk now - especially since I have an existing child at home who is cognizant of my mental state and needs me to be my best self.
I guess all this to say that I'm actually less scared this time around knowing that I did get it and did make it to the other side. It's not an unknown for me anymore -- I pretty much assume I will get it and I'm prepared to act accordingly.
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@ladybee: @SweetiePie: Totally have had similar thoughts. It's so hard, and messed up. Same thing where I wanted to go back in time and change my mind about having a kid, and I felt like I messed up my life forever. Yet I felt so anxious if he was with someone else or someone was holding him or I didn't have eyes on him 24/7. Was a definite mix of depression with massive anxiety. Meds have helped me also, and time. Getting help is so important, which luckily, I asked for right away. I knew something was very wrong and felt terrified for my life and baby. Now 7 months PP we are best buds. It's still hard, but I love him beyond anything I could imagine and he makes me smile and laugh constantly. But when I think about those early months, it really makes me feel ill, to imagine going through it again.
@Eko: Thanks
And good lucky with your pregnancy!@PawPrints: Yah I agree, it's similar here in Canada, just the one PP appointment at 6 weeks. By that point I was a complete disaster and had already contacted my doctor and started to get help, so it didn't really matter. But I imagine for so many people who don't ask for help, or who don't start having symptoms till months later, it's so terrible that no one checks in. Here, you can have a public health nurse come by and check in on you which is great, but you have to ask for it, and set it up, and I just so wasn't in the mindset to do that.
@LBee: Good luck with everything, that's great that you are prepared and if you choose to go the medication route this time, I bet you'll find there's a huuuuge difference.
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@PawPrints: THIS. I also began really spiraling out of control around 3/4 months PP. And was later told that was common because there is a huge hormone drop (which is also why our hair loss starts around 3/4 months pp). So I wondered the same thing - WHY don't they have a check in?!? Even if it was like a survey or a phone call. SOMETHING is better than nothing. It's so sad.
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@Goldengirl: Oh gosh, I wasn't clear! The day I weaned I started taking medication and continued until I started TTC again.
And good lucky with your pregnancy!Reply
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