Hellobee Boards

I always do feel awful when she's screaming and bawling during a diaper change. But I just tell myself 1) I'm trying my hardest to entertain and distract her and 2) id feel even worse if she had a diaper rash.

I force him to do things. He has the opportunity to do it without help but it isn't an option to not do it. He fights it occasionally and usually I let him have his fit and then, I do it again. The philosophy we use is that kids live under authoritative rule from 0-5, then they start working towards having more freedoms. They have to learn to listen to us before they learn to follow directions before they can change them. The idea comes from something I heard on tv at a gymnastics performance. They had a "clown" who would fall and it was said he had to learn to do those thing right before he could do them wrong.

There if very little that he fights us about anymore (except sleep and that is the one area I have a hard time implementing this). We also do time out. If he doesn't listen he sits until he is ready to listen. I also use the "yes, mommy" technique. I ask him to say "yes, mommy" to show he heard me. Of course he can't talk much yet but he will keep hearing it.

It is just fine to me if they scream because they don't want to do something. It is when they scream from pain, etc I don't like. I am teaching him to swim and he doesn't want to float on his back. I still make him float a few times every time we are in the pool. He no longer screams about it.

I don't feel like I am breaking his spirit because there is still so much he can do. We believe also in creating an environment of yes so we say yes as much as possible. He climbs on everything because we let him. So he has a lot of say in a number of areas in his life.

I am not sure that makes sense and it is long. But that is only my personal beliefs.

@sloaneandpuffy: I think everyone has their goat. Sleep is mine I just give in and nurse him cause it's easier.

One thing I've noticed especially with my friends is how they ask. They ask a child something like we ask adults "would you like to go to bed?". This gives the child the option of no. As opposed to "it's time for bed do you want to walk or be carried". This gives them two equally appropriate choices but not the option of no. I don't know if that's how it is done at your house it is just something I have seen with my friends.

@brownie: That's a great point re: phrasing as it really does make a difference....and it works! When she asks for something I can do at that moment, I give her two other options to choose from and that seems to placate her. It's not her first choice but it's still her choice.

I give him a choice sometimes, like do you want to sit in the stroller or walk holding my hand? He gets two tries, I count to three and if he doesn't comply, he doesn't get a choice.

With things like teeth brushing, we use two brushes, one for him to hold and brush, and one for us to use. I find if he helps, by holding his clean diaper, toothbrush, whatever, he doesn't protest.