I'm overwhelmed with the number of babies I've had to say no to lately, especially medically fragile babies, abused babies, starved babies. All in the last month. I can't post on Facebook because our community is too small and I'd be violating confidentiality, but I wanted to put it out there. If you've ever considered being a foster parent, even if it's just respite help or something, please keep thinking about it. Make that call, look into it in your area. We need more homes, and more importantly, more GOOD homes. We need parents who are on top of it, who already know how to advocate for these kids. Our agency alone has placed 18 kids in the last 4 weeks. Those are only the kids we've been able to say yes to, and we are in a VERY rural area.
-
This is a year I'm supposed to explore fostering/adopting. Things have been hectic lately and I've put some things on hold, but your post is encouraging me to get back into it.
Can I ask you a question? How do parents who both WOH foster?
-
@Mrs. Turtle: yes! I have the same question as @graceandjoy: especially since the waitlist for a full time infant daycare spot is about a year in iur area.
-
@SweetCaroline: I've asked in some other venues too but felt like I still don't understand. I follow some foster care mama's and also I feel like there are so many different appointments to go to, I am not sure if it's feasible for our family.
I'm mainly looking to adopt long term wise, but I was just not open to fostering only thinking that we "can't"... But if there's a way to, I'd love to look into it too!
-
@graceandjoy: @SweetCaroline: In our area, foster kiddos are put at the top of the wait list for programs like early head start, head start, and a few other childcare programs. Some agencies help with transportation to visits/appointments, and those can often happen during school hours when the child can be transported directly from school to the visit or appointment. We have a single mom who fosters school age kids and works full time. She has some flexibility for important appointments, but we also do a lot of help with transportation for her kids. Obviously, if you wanted to foster newborns, it would be harder because most day cares don't take them when they're super little. But it is usually do-able. I'd say the best/first thing to do would be to call various agencies in your area (look up foster family agencies) as well as calling the county CPS office directly, to find out what sort of help they offer for transport and visits. Every county/agency does it differently so you never know until you call.
-
@Mrs. Turtle: Ahh! That makes sense. I have a bunch of info sessions that I need to commit to attending!
I thought they weren't allowed to go to daycare b/c of the whole respite thing where only authorized people can babysit!
-
@graceandjoy: Nope, licensed day cares are always an option, as far as I know! We also approve backup caregivers, so if you had family or friends interested in helping out with care, we finger print them (at our expense) and approve them as backups for up to 72 hours at a time.
-
@Mrs. Turtle: I see! Now I'm very interested to see how much support where I live offers!
-
@graceandjoy: Good! It's worth checking it out. I know there is a ton of variation between agencies and counties, so look into all of the options in your area and find one that offers help with appointments and visits. They're definitely out there. Our agency is small and rural and we even have a part time transporter, so I know it's not too uncommon.
-
@Mrs. Turtle:
️
I’d really really love to foster but I can’t get my DW on board
-
@wrkbrk: I get it. If my DW had known what it was really like she never would've done it. And she will probably be the reason we stop. Unless we can take a break and she forgets... then I'll start snuggling babies again. I want to open a group home for medically fragile, failure to thrive and other neglected or abused babies. We've had 4 calls in the last week, every case worse than the last.
-
@Mrs. Turtle: That is just terrible. Plus you’ll eventually suffer from compassion fatigue doing work like this
Yet so many kids need you and people like you! I’m hoping to persuade DW yet. She won on the only kid thing so it’s my turn to get what I want and I want to help. We have the resources! PS If you open your shelter I’ll donate 
-
@Mrs. Turtle: Much like @wrkbrk: I am really interested in fostering but DH is not currently open to it. I was able to get him to go to an information session in the fall, which felt like a huge step but it didn't change his mind. I'm not quite sure how to change his mind - or if it's fair to change his mind?
It's obviously something we both need to be okay with but it breaks my heart that he doesn't want to. We keep it as an ongoing conversation so I'm really hoping that one day he will be open to it...
-
@wrkbrk: @catgirl: I think I'd just keep having the conversation. Believe me, it isn't something you want to do with a spouse that isn't in it with you, at least somewhat. DW was on board to begin with, but didn't realize how hard it would be, how unfair it would feel when the system didn't work the way we thought it should, and how long everything takes. I wish we'd known more going in, even though it may have made it so she wasn't on board. I wouldn't try to change minds, just keep having conversations and hope maybe they open up to it eventually?
-
@catgirl: @wrkbrk: What are their reasons for not wanting to do it?
-
@Mrs. Turtle: She doesn't really talk about her emotions the much haha so all I can get out of her is, we don't need to jump into something like that when we have enough on our plates. Not a good reason IMO. But DS is only 3 and I was thinking older kids when he's older so I have time ... haha.
-
@wrkbrk: haha, we have the same problem in our house with talking about emotions
To me it sounds like it's still open for discussion and maybe in the future it'll happen. She's probably right as far as doing it now. It would be particularly hard on DS to have kids come and go at his age. -
@graceandjoy: @SweetCaroline: At my son’s old daycare I knew of at least one foster mom- every few months I’d see her carrying in a new infant or two. The daycare was on the higher end cost-wise for the area. I figured she received state assistance for the childcare costs or the daycare gave her a discount- first responders and teachers received a 12% discount already.
-
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I would 100000% hope they would give assistance! That's another thing too. I would love to adopt as a long term goal; plus that way if I am adopting a baby/toddler, I know I am just paying for daycare once. With fostercare, I wouldn't be so sure if I can feasibly pay on-going daycare.
This is motivating me to finally attend an info session somewhere, so thank you everyone!!
-
@graceandjoy: @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: It differs from county to county, and of course from state to state, but in our area if the kids don't go to EHS or HS, they are eligible for childcare assistance through a county wide nonprofit. It is income based, but foster children qualify because the only income counted is the state subsidy you receive for them (not the foster family's income). So there's that too.
-
@graceandjoy: my area has a star rating system and basically most daycares are covered here for foster care - in my area you also receive a stipend so a friend basically has a part time nanny she uses for her 2 foster kids. There also here are 3 routes - and one is foster to adopt so basically you only get kids where adoption is part of their plan
-
@gotkimchi: Yes, I've definitely looked into foster to adopt. But I think once we get deeper into this, I would not want to turn away kids that just need fostering too
I just hadn't really thought we are good candidates for fostering since we both WOH, don't have a lot extra (I know you don't need to be rich to foster, just didn't think we have the extra funds to do it esp when our kids are still young). But you guys are def turning it around!
-
This post breaks my heart. @Mrs. Turtle: Thank you for what you do!
I wish we could help but we can't be foster parents right now. I'm going to use this post to spur me to do some investigation and find a local org for a donation.
-
We just watched Instant Family this week. I’ve always been interested in respite care since my friend foster/adopted twins. We need to go to an informational session at some point but it feels like we are always in some sort of transition.
Thank you for all you do.
-
@youboots: The meetings that I know about are currently all at really awkward times and need some serious finagling. But I really need to try to make one work!
-
Thank you so much for what you do, and for this post. Fostering and possibly adopting has been of big interest to DH and I. We agreed we'd wait at least until our daughter was school age, so we're there now, but we're still living in a 2BR condo and both WOH, so we've felt like we need more space and time to truly support the kids who need it most like these. Thank you for the inspiration!
-
@graceandjoy:
@shabang: There are lots of ways to help even if you can't actually foster. One thing our agency is looking into is putting together a list of people in the community who would be interested in contributing in various ways in order to make foster parents' lives easier. That could look like help with transport, a meal train for families with new placements (especially newborns, or sibling sets, which can be overwhelming with no preparation and no time off), babysitting or even just play dates. Also, the CASA program is always in need of volunteers and that is a great and less time consuming way to truly make a difference in a foster child's life.
@youboots: I haven't seen it yet! I really want to.
@graceandjoy: If you can't make it to an info session, call the agency and ask if you can come in for a chat at a better time on your own, or if there's a different way to get info. Most agencies are really eager to sign on new families, and will make it work for you!
@Mrs. Carrot: I get it. We are in a 1 BR with a loft (where we sleep) right now and it is SO CROWDED. I don't always feel like I can give the kids everything they need either between work, school and DW traveling so much right now. But I am reminded every day that we are doing better than some, and that a safe place is really what they need. I hope you keep thinking about it!
Yet so many kids need you and people like you! I’m hoping to persuade DW yet. She won on the only kid thing so it’s my turn to get what I want and I want to help. We have the resources! PS If you open your shelter I’ll donate 
I just hadn't really thought we are good candidates for fostering since we both WOH, don't have a lot extra (I know you don't need to be rich to foster, just didn't think we have the extra funds to do it esp when our kids are still young). But you guys are def turning it around!
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
26 comments