Friday vent on School notices + mommy fail

By irene Apr 26, 2019

Mommy fail and really mad at myself and everything right now...

Today (Friday) is a non-uniform day where kids would wear a school tee. I totally missed that. But it was also accompanied by the following distractions this week:

- 3 emails about non-uniform green shirt day 2 days ago
- 3 emails about we need to bring $ to buy flowers for a teacher's birthday on tuesday, and have your kids make a birthday card on thursday
- 3 emails about non-uniform harry potter themed field day NEXT friday.
- 2 emails where our teacher wants me to go in and talk to the kids about my job (illustrator for books)
- Organize an after school playdate and I have to remember to remind the teachers about carpool change today
- tons of other school announcement emails. We have tons.

And then, they just decide to announce today being a non-uniform day and sent out 1 email yesterday. Which I glanced at and assumed it was talking about the Harry Potter field day next week and dismissed it.

Argh! I am so mad. And DH kept blaming me for missing that didn't help at all. DH dropped him off and he said DS was crying. ARGH!!!!

I am just so angry at myself but at the same time, the emails from our school is like landmines. They send out 10 emails a day and most of them are just news with hidden easter eggs like this everywhere! It is like traps for parents, as if we have have nothing to do in life in order to get all of them in. And mind you I only have 1 child. I don't know how EVERYONE else does it with multiple children. Kudos to everyone.

Does your school do that to you? Do you miss out things like this? Say something to make me feel better because apparently DH is not going to do that :-(

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26 comments

SweetiePie
honeydew / 7463 posts

Apr 26, 2019

It does sound a little disorganized. Our school has the teachers send a single email on Friday that summarizes all of this kind of stuff. So it’s once a week and usually we find out about things 2-3 weeks in advance. Then usually the day before we get an additional reminder.
Of course there may be occasional stuff that pops up last minute. But since the planned stuff is pretty well organized, the occasional last minute request via email isn’t so bad.

I would also suggest putting these things in your calendar if you don’t already. Even things like field trips that don’t involve you and casual Friday’s. That’s what I do - it’s in both my and my husbands Google calendar. That way no matter who is with my son that morning, we know that he needs to wear xyz. So like one day was “favorite T-shirt day” and one day was “fave sports team day”.

Does your husband also get the emails from school? If so, he deserves a punch in the nuts for blaming it solely on you. If he doesn’t, get him added. 1) then he is also privy and 2) he can see the sheer volume of information and might understand better.
And either way, put it in the calendar.
hitchhiker
apricot / 399 posts

Apr 26, 2019

I wouldn't worry about it. We miss things like this on occasion and I just don't think of it as a big deal. Disappointment is a good learning opportunity for kids, especially in the context of something minor like wearing the wrong shirt. And I assume something was said about it to the kids, too? If so, I think of this kind of thing as partly my kid's responsibility. She's in K and can remember these sorts of things herself. (Although I realize all kids are different in this regard.)

I was also going to ask if DH is getting the emails. I would have no tolerance for him a) not getting them, and b) blaming me for missing something like this if he did.
Beehive
nectarine / 2054 posts

Apr 26, 2019

@irene: Ugh, that would annoy me so much. I also can't keep track of those things, and would miss loads if DH wasn't also keeping an eye on emails and remembering things / putting them in our calendar. I would probably be so annoyed about all the emails (that's SO many emails) that I would ask the school or teacher (or whoever is sending them all) to be more organized about it and (i) consolidate as much as possible into a weekly email, plus (ii) clearly signpost anything important, like the theme day, so it isn't missed (no easter eggs!!).
misolee
persimmon / 1345 posts

Apr 26, 2019

That’s super frustrating and upsetting and my LO would be upset too but... please be kind to yourself. It’s okay if they don’t wear a certain shirt. Mommies make mistakes and forget things too and it’s good for LO’s to see it.

My oldest is close to 7 and we forgot to wear her house shirt one day. She was upset bc based on percentage of kids who wear their house shirts they get points. But I honestly told her I forgot and apologized. She’s like why did you forget? And I just told her mommies are not perfect and it’s okay to forget things once in awhile. And she got over it.
graceandjoy
pear / 1565 posts

Apr 26, 2019

Hugs Don't be too hard on yourself! We are so busy and stretched so thin and with the amount of emails your school sends out in no chronological order, I can totally see how you missed it. I am sure there were others that missed the memo too!

My girls are not in public school yet but even in daycare/preschool I sometimes have difficulty remember all these special days too. If I don't put it on the calendar literally the moment I read something, I may never! And everything is on a piece of paper from their school so if the paper is gone, that's it!
irene
nectarine / 2964 posts

Apr 26, 2019

@SweetiePie: @hitchhiker: @Beehive: @misolee: thank you all...

DH gets emails. And he saw that email. And he didn’t say anything (he said he didn’t say anything but who knows maybe he forgot too). He is indeed a dick but that’s another story for another time. But still. His point is he travels for work a lot and I just can’t count on him and I never did or would. So it is still on me.

I don’t know why they don’t do better work with organizing emails. We have a weekly class email sent by the class mom but I can not count on that this year because they are so dropping the ball. Nothing about the birthday, nothing about earth day green tee on Wednesday, nothing about the casual Friday today.

And no! They didn’t even tell the kids! They only briefly talked about the Harry Potter field day next week but not today. I am also very annoyed how they don’t let the kids to at least share the responsibility they are not 2 years old.

The annoying thing is this morning DS got his uniform on. I said I thought today was field day I even got the shirt for you out. He said it is next Friday! I scrolled through my thousands of school emails and came to one of those field day emails and do realize it was next week. So I said oh you are right, and I didn’t bother to look for the one from yesterday that I assumed was about field day. Argh. So mad.
Mommy Finger
pomegranate / 3272 posts

Apr 26, 2019

Sorry but your DH is a dick. This is a total mental load issue. Yup, the school thing is a mess and disorganized. So feel free to vent away on that but you're both his parents and I believe you work too so he needs to share the blame.
Mrs. Lemon-Lime
wonderful pea / 17279 posts

Apr 26, 2019

This past week there were a couple emails about Earth Day activities in the lobby. Then, I walked in one afternoon and one of the moms set up a table about college planning. Total surprise. Two days later an email is sent announcing the college planning info & to sign up if you want to discuss. I think they have a wonky automated email system.

My old daycare provided a calendar of events for the month and the week’s activities were displayed as soon as you walked in on top of the more timely email reminders.

I just have one kid too and today I missed show& tell. It’s supposed to be based off a color or letter they’re learning at the sametime his teacher did not share what that was and I couldn’t figure it out based on what is displayed in his classroom. She also did not send a reminder Thursday.
SweetiePie
honeydew / 7463 posts

Apr 26, 2019

@irene: If you don’t want to go the route of actually talking to the school about changing the email procedures, what I would do is put whatever it is in the emails you get in your calendar immediately. As soon as you read the email. I know it will still be annoying, but if you can’t change the email efficiency I would change how I manage it.

And I do agree that at your DS’s age they should be able to communicate to the kids so they have some responsibility. I also expect my 4.5yo to have some responsibility for things like remembering his soccer shirt for soccer days. I don’t expect 100% success because he is 4. But I tell him it’s his job to remind me (even though I don’t actually need him to, I want him to start learning about responsibility).
That might be something easy to ask the teacher to do. To make an announcement about special clothing days the day before.

And lastly. Don’t beat yourself up over this. You will remember it far longer than your son will. I’ve forgotten various things this school year (soccer shirt, water bottle, even his snack a couple of times). And I feel very badly about it in the moment but I apologize to my son if it feels warranted and then I move on. Don’t beat yourself up. The mental load we bear is real and it’s huge and things will be forgotten.
psw27
pomelo / 5220 posts

Apr 26, 2019

Your post just reminded me that I forgot 2 things this morning. One that my youngest has a dance party tonight that I can't attend but I need to remind my husband to go... and that I forgot snacks for my diet limited oldest so he will be eating food off his normal diet. OOF. BUT, I am not going to feel guilty about it and you shouldn't either. We are all going flat out 100 mphs at all times. We do the best we can. I hate when I disappoint my kids but it just is bound to happen. No one can juggle all of these balls perfectly for 18 years. No one.
irene
nectarine / 2964 posts

Apr 26, 2019

Thank you again, at this point i am really upset at the situation, my school and myself... but thanks, I do feel better...

@Mommy Finger: Sigh. Long story but yes I agree with you. He's been going through some midlife crisis for a very long time. I don't want to elaborate... do feel thankful if you have one of those husbands which you will feel an urge to praise them on facebook on what a great father, great husband, and great man they are on their birthday, your anniversary, father's day...etc. I saw those on my FB feed all the time and I just feel awww, that must be so sweet. I envy all of you as I don't have one of those. I do have to say though, I share responsibility too because I don't think I am the best wife myself. He took on a lot of other loads about the house, bringing in the main load of bacon, taxes, health insurance, finance...etc. I don't try to date him or even spend time with him as often as I should. We are both burned out with our responsibilities.

And yes, I work. That was that, and this week there were 2 baseball games to tend to, have to reschedule swimming lessons, schedule the landscape design people to come in, schedule the piano technician to come in. And DS' first sleepover this coming weekend and he started having bed-wetting accidents again in the beginning of the week when I was finally comfortable to have him go stay over at a friend's house How do you guys do it with more than 1 child...?

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Reading that gives me a headache -- how old are your kids again? College planning?! I haven't even started worrying about High school (or should I) lol

I missed a show and tell earlier in the year too ! Just sooooo many landmines my school sets for us, soooo many little things just springs out randomly they just throw you 3 emails on each.

@SweetiePie: It's not that I don't want to go through proper channels to reflect to the school that the email needs to be more organized, it is that I am definitely not the first one who is irritated about it. Before we even started 2 years ago, some other parents were like, yeah, you will be so bombarded with soooo many emails when this all starts! And at orientation too the teachers said similar things, as if they are so proud of it. Many parents have commented about this throughout the years, I would assume someone would have already said something?

And I do put them into my calendar right away when I saw them, my problem with this one was I *assumed* it was talking about the field day because I misunderstood it was today. Then DS corrected me that it was next week, and naturally I assumed the no-uniform day was going to be next Friday. Yes, my fault i assumed (something DH would say lol). In fact, I had to go to my calendar and move the field day I had down today to next week...

The thing is, why would they email me 3 times about field day NEXT friday but they just sent out 1 email yesterday about today? The lovely logic.

Yes I shouldn't blame myself so much. But we have been trying to tell DS to be more responsible as he always take off his sweaters at school and forgot about them and we lost so many sweaters. That amongst so many other things he lost. What I am doing now is demonstrating how mommy misses things and it is irritating because I am not showing good example.

@psw27: Hugs Thanks, yes, I do feel better now as the day progresses....
DesertDreams88
grapefruit / 4361 posts

Apr 26, 2019

As a 5th / 8th grade teacher, my general perspective on this is...
1) The school/teacher needs to get their act together and send out one email per week, MAYBE two if it's an important reminder. I'd straight up tell them that.
2) I wouldn't blame the teacher for "not telling" the kids. Teachers have 437285924 things to do a day, it's a BIG mental load to manage 20-25+ children for 7 hours.
3) I also would be skeptical and think maybe my son didn't hear it or remember.
4) I'd also not care that my kids was crying about a shirt. Maybe I need to be more sensitive but .... nah. I'm not big into drama over small things. Maybe that's why I'm a middle school teacher, haha.
Ajsmommy
pomegranate / 3355 posts

Apr 26, 2019

@irene: I can relate so hard to this post and I agree that you shoudlnt' be so hard on yourself but I get it and I also get the part of your DH being a dick.. mine tends to be dickish too.... of course he just says it's his "blunt honesty" that is actually one of the qualities I love about him.. HAHAHAHAH (double edged sword right there)

anyway I am not sure there is anything you can do to change the way your school does their emailing..have you talked to any other parents? do they think its a pain too? if you have validation from others then I'd probably say something.

Our daycare does something similar in that they have a daily update.. it's basically just generic this is what we learned today but some days it includes instructions on what to bring for show and tell and it mentions special days. I can't tell you how many times it's been thurs night and I just happen to scan the daily update and see that we need to do something for Friday.. literally just happened last week!! All I can say is you are doing the best you can as we all are and hang in there.... we all have a lot on our minds/mental load!!!

a little ditty to commiserate about our DH's.. sooo tues DH kept both kids home with him bc DS was under the weather and he kept DD home to play with DS/keep him occupied. Anyway on Weds when DH dropped DD off at school he saw that the other kids had on their soccer jerseys... he texted me "soccer today".... "would have been nice to know"... "she didn't wear sneakers"...... here's the thing.. she's been doing soccer for weeks!! he knows that... it's EVERY weds... he also knows that... so why is it MY job to remind everyone????

annoying....
Anagram
eggplant / 11716 posts

Apr 26, 2019

@irene: we have 2 kiddos in two different programs, but at the same school, and they always have simultaneous special weeks with different directions (like they just did “week of the young child” and every single day had different dress up directions, or directions to bring stuff from home, but each kid had totally different directions)—anyway, it’s a lot to keep up with. My husband gets the emails and only remembers/helps 30% of the time. And someone’s we drop the ball and I just don’t feel guilty about it. I always ask, and they are never the only ones whose parents forgot.

Even worse is that between the two of them they have SO MANY parent involved events, that Wr can’t possibly attend them all. Those are the things I feel guilty about, if most parents are there and we can’t be. But we just try to explain that we both work and can’t always make it.
KT326
pomegranate / 3438 posts

Apr 26, 2019

My 1st grader has learned that it is his responsibility to remind me of things like that. Today was crazy hair day, he didn't remind me so he didn't have crazy hair. Luckily he doesn't get too upset over things like that. But I would also not consider that a mom fail.

@irene: we went through a lot of sweatshirts the last two years. I stopped buying nice ones. He gets cheap until he can be more responsible. Same goes for water bottles. One week he left both sweatshirts he has at school so he had to go without. Luckily we live in CA so it doesn't get that cold. But he learned his lesson.
Foodnerd81
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts

Apr 26, 2019

Ok seriously, why do schools have so many of these non normal dress days? Don’t parents have enough to think about? I see it on Facebook all the time, crazy hair day, mixed up day, storybook character day... how about go to school dressed appropriately day? I can see it’s fun for the kids once in a while but it just seems impossible to keep track of. And pointless. My daughter isn’t in K yet so I don’t even know what’s coming. In the two different preschools we’ve attended, one only ever has pajama day, occasionally, and field trip days when they have to wear the school shirt and there is a monthly newsletter that tells you as well as one email the day before. The other school had the dr sues week nonsense but otherwise has been reasonable. I just don’t get it.

@irene: I hope you feel less bad knowing that we all drop the ball on this. I have forgotten show and tell so many times- we end up picking a key chain from her backpack or something as show and tell . It does seem like your school could use some major improvement on communication. Do you get a parent survey or anything where you could mention that?
ElbieKay
pomegranate / 3231 posts

Apr 26, 2019

@DesertDreams88: yes to your point #4! I am ok with my child learning that there are more important things to cry over than wearing the wrong outfit to school.

But I disagree about giving the teacher a free pass due to her mental load. As a working mom, my mental load is ridiculous. If the school is going to torture parents with remembering all this inane crap then they should help us out and make it easier.

Or have the kids store their tshirts at school and change when they get there as necessary.

I really resent any material change to my morning routine. It is hard enough to deal with my three kids as it is. Honestly if I have extra bandwidth in the morning I should be replying to work emails. I already blow off my job so much as it is due to child-related issues. My family benefits more from me writing a well crafted email to smooth over a client situation than making sure I produce a goddamn Dr. Seuss hat.
pachamama
nectarine / 2436 posts

Apr 26, 2019

@Foodnerd81: I agree about so many ridiculous dressup days. My friends with kids are always posting about spirit days and 100 days and birthday party days and snow days. Must be distracting
meganmp
persimmon / 1420 posts

Apr 26, 2019

I'm blown away by the vitriol directed at teachers by some in this thread! Things like this are tough for teachers as well, who are not doing dress up days because it is fun for them, but rather fun for the children that they serve.
Anonymous86
apple seed / 4 posts

Apr 26, 2019

This comment has been deleted by the original poster.
2littlepumpkins
grapefruit / 4455 posts

Apr 26, 2019

I haven't read the comments but it sounds like they need to get it together!!!

I would feel bad too but honestly, the school sounds like a hot mess with regard to these emails.
LemonJack
persimmon / 1130 posts

Apr 26, 2019

That seems like way too much information coming at you. They should really condense it down. We have a weekly staff newsletter at our school, and it’s nice that it’s once a week, but like you said, it has SO much in it that the important stuff ends up getting lost or hidden.
irene
nectarine / 2964 posts

Apr 26, 2019

Aww thank you you all, it is nice to come back after DS goes to bed, and to read your comments. Sigh.

@DesertDreams88: Thanks, yes I get your point and strangely I am no longer upset that our teacher didn't remind the kids of the non uniform day. Maybe our school communication is so confusing they also just found out when the school sent out the email at 2:50pm, which is about 20 minutes before school dismissal. And honestly, I wasn't upset at the fact I disappointed DS (OK maybe a little -- just hate that I am a part of a silly first-world childhood trauma that he wore the wrong thing to school, and this could have totally be prevented). I am mad that I dropped the ball and I only have one child. How dare I drop the ball when everyone has it 3 times harder than I do when they have 3 children. But at the same time I am perplexed at how frustrating the 20 emails I we received every day with these easter eggs of action I have to take hidden within.

@Ajsmommy: Awwww.... your reply made me laugh and oh, hugs girl !!!! Thank you so much for making me feel not so alone And so funny you said about the double edged sword, exactly what I was thinking the other day!!! His strength (the qualities that I fell in love with) is the cause of his flaw (dickishness). DH is an electrical engineer and he is very structural, rigid, and precise, he doesn't believe in human error (he always says can you imagine an aerospace engineer "drops the ball" causing the whole plane to crash? Which he has a point). So that's just how he was built and I do sadly understand why and how he's a dick when things like this happen.

And you have no idea, later on in the afternoon we fought because of this dumb non-uniform mishap (including why I am not in the PTO to make sure I have my say about DS's best interest and the school communication system if that wasn't working). Grrrr. Dude needs to see a shrink and he's not doing it.

@Anagram: Yes, that's why I always wonder how does everyone else with 2+ kids do it!!!

@KT326: We lost soooo many sweaters / pullovers, and those are expensive "uniform" sweaters with logo and we don't have a choice to go cheap!. I have decided to ask him to pay for his own sweaters next year... it is getting ridiculous.

@Foodnerd81: No we don't get parent survey! Good point about that! This I can totally suggest. Saying "hey you guys are terrible on the email communication there shouldn't be 20 emails a day" is negative and causes people to become defensive and shut you down mentally, but suggesting a parent survey is more likely to work. And then, a suggestion (ahem complain) on email communication through an anonymous survey may actually get through to the school. I will suggest that to someone. You tell one mom, and there is this amazing butterfly effect and something will happen magically in a few months.

@ElbieKay: OMG, what a GREAT IDEA to have the kids store their damn shirts at school!!!!!! It would have prevented so much heartache (and headache for parents). Today they were supposed to wear a school color/logo tee. Something I don't see why they can't just keep one at their cubby, they can do non-uniform spirit day anytime they want! GRRR. Another thing I am going to suggest to someone!!! Thanks!!! And kudos to you with 3 kids -- you crack me up about producing a goddamn Dr. Seuss hat lol

@pachamama: Wishing you a smooth ride into elementary!

@meganmp: No, I don't think anyone above are bashing teachers, at all! If I am reading it correctly, we are upset at the school, not the individual teachers? For me, at least space it out in a way that it is not too overwhelming and that makes sense. How do you have earth day green t-shirt on wednesday 24th, non-uniform "spirit" day friday 26th, Harry potter field day NEXT friday the 3rd, and on mon 22nd and tues 23rd the school sent 2-3 emails each talking about "earth day green tee on wednesday" and "harry potter field day on friday", and then sent out an email on 25th about the spirit day on friday 26th? And the teachers talked to the kids about the Harry Potter field day NEXT friday but not a word about spirit day tomorrow. Where is the logic?
Foodnerd81
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts

Apr 26, 2019

@meganmp: I really don’t mean to bash teachers or the school. I believe everyone is doing the best they can. But, do kids love all these dress up days? I mean I’m sure they like them, but doesn’t it disrupt learning too? It seems like a once in a while thing would be better than this frequently. BUT I fully admit I don’t have a kid in elemtary school so seriously- what do I know? Ask me in a year when we have made it through most of a year of kindergarten!

@irene: could you keep a spare shirt in his backpack, that would cover a lot of bases? My kids are younger so they always have a spare set of clothes in a ziplock in their backpacks in case of accidents. Would that be a possible work around?
Grace
cantaloupe / 6730 posts

Apr 27, 2019

@Foodnerd81: My kindergartener loves the dress up days and looks forward to them from the time she knows about them.
Mrs. Lemon-Lime
wonderful pea / 17279 posts

Apr 28, 2019

@irene: hey! My LO just turned 3. The college planning was definitely from the angle how to pay for college- not quite test prep and admissions info.

So I mentioned to LO’s teacher that we missed show & tell and she said she actually doesn’t do it in her class. Hmm, that’s not what I received on the here’s-what-happens-in-the-next-class transition letter. I’m fine with no show & tell though.

@meganmp: my son’s new daycare had a dress up theme for each day of Dr. Seuss week and we participated in some days and skipped the others that meant a trip to the store. He had so much fun participating along with the other kids and at least for that week and the week after he wanted to read Dr. Seuss at home. My LO totally misses PJ days at his old school- not part of a curriculum but super fun still. BTW, I hope I didn’t come off as a teacher basher- not my intent.