I had a close friend to whom I met at prenatal yoga. she had the same due date as I did. We were close for as long as our DSes were born. We had playdates. She had a divorce when our DSes were 2, and I was there to support her through that, selling her house...etc. My DS knocked my front teeth off (long story) when he was 3. She, being a dentist, fixed them for me before I had to get out of town in 2 days for a high school reunion (!!!), her portion of work completely free. We saw each other every other week (she had her DS every other week). Our DSs were BFFs and we were BFFs, life was great.
6 years later, the dynamic seemingly changed. Our kids went to different schools and they no longer talk about wanting to see each other. My friend is obviously doing very well and has recently gotten a country club membership, and things have started to shift there. We still attempted to see each other whenever we could.
There was an incident in February. We got tickets to Disney on Ice at 5:30pm. We planned to carpool at 3:30pm or so to fight Sunday downtown traffic. I didn't know her ex had her DS that weekend. It ended up her ex was late, and couldn't return her DS until late ("4:30-ish"). We went to pick up the tickets from her at 3pm so we could go first. Somehow we decided to stay and wait until 4-ish, and they still haven't shown up. I decided to leave with DS and she said she would make her ex drop them off at the arena. At the end the traffic was so terrible we were stuck until 6-ish pm in order to get into the parking lot, and we missed a good first half of the show. However, they got in just fine because they didn't have to park. At 5:30 she called me to see where I was and I screamed at her on the phone. After we finally got there, I was so angry I wasn't able to talk to her until the show was over. My bad (and I apologized afterwards), but I was furious that she shouldn't have OK'd to the event if she knew her ex was taking her DS out of town. And he was not known to have his ducks in a row. Had I knew and not get the tickets, this whole thing would have been avoided.
I felt that since then, our friendship cracked. We were planning a Disney trip toward the end of the year, and one thing after another she "postponed" it indefinitely. Every time we were to plan a thing, or I asked her for a play date, things always fell through. When we finally agreed to go somewhere, it would always, always ended up being changed to going to her country club (us as her guests) instead, or she'd flat out cancel on me on the day of the event. She had this thing where if she didn't want to do something, she wouldn't tell you until 10 minutes before. She would always end up not being able to go. She stood us up for mother's day -- we were going to meet at a family event at the art center, but after DS and I got there, she texted me explaining how many errands she had to run, and how now she realized it was for younger children (it was not), and she probably couldn't make it. Poor DS kept asking why his friend wasn't there yet.
On top of that, recently she met a friend who was also a single mom with an esteemed profession (lawyer) with a DS. That friend had been posting pictures of them going to places that WE had previously talked about we would go together. And then she seemed to have started building her country club of friends.
At first I felt bad and I felt responsible for the "crack", as I screamed at her on that faithful day. I apologized to her and we have talked about it. She reassured that she was OK, but it didn't seem to be better. I even talked to my therapist about it.
But now, especially after the past few months where I had to go back to Hong Kong to see my mom (who suddenly got ill, and eventually she passed away last month), I felt that I am over with the friendship. When my mom was still in critical situation, my friend would suggest frivolous fun things to do such as picking peaches...etc. I was very annoyed and turned off.
I felt that ultimately we have moved to different places in our lives. I felt that her friendship to me was no longer genuine as she has found new friends that is more "appropriate", and she has moved onto a completely different social circle. She no longer needs me, and that is her way to distance me. I don't want friends like that.
If you watched The Real Housewives of NYC, it was very much like the fall out between Bethenny and Carole. It can not be explained but something has changed.
Sorry to have typed an essay. Do you feel that I overreacted? What would you do if you were me - do you feel that I should continue with the friendship, or if I should talk to her about what I feel, or just fade away? This has been bothering me for a while and I had no one to talk to about it. DH thought I was crazy but I am just very over it. Please hold your judgement and be nice.... thanks for your input