I am stealing this from another site I sometimes lurk on... The question was about funny things you said during childbirth. Some of the answers were pretty awesome. I don't have a good one to contribute as I mostly kept my mouth shut. But a good example was another girl who, as her baby was crowning, heard the nurse say, "look at all that hair!" and the girl was like, "hey! That's really unprofessional!" LOL
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After my epidural, my nurse had to come change my "diaper/pad" and I was so humiliated that I said, "Please don't tell your coworkers about this!"
My nurse thought it was hilarious.
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"RING OF FIRE! Ring of fire!"
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They said I was dilated to a 10 and I said no I'm at an 11! (Since they kept asking me what I was on the pain scale)...which I still 1-10...
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I am really chatty, but for some reason I had a silent birth. I didn't say a word until I was crowning. All I said was F*** when I was crowning. My husband says that even my potty mouth could not be silenced.
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When she was coming out, I was pushing and waiting for them to say "she's crowning" then the doctor said her ears are out, and I yelled "ears?! How are we at ears already??" I didn't realise she was that far out.
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When my midwife told me he was crowning she told me to reach down and feel his head, it was was really smooth and I said, "No!!! He's BALD?!!?" I was so upset hahaha.
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My husband likes to tell a story about my labor with DD. I was kneeling next to the bed, rocking and moaning loudly because the contractions were really hard. The woman next door must have had her baby because we heard a newborn cry and then (as my DH tells it) I immediately stopped moaning, rocking, etc..., looked up with a big grin and said "Baby?!"
Also, the first thing I said after DD was born was "Wow I feel so much better!"
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I didn't talk much. Silence was my way of getting through the pain. When I was pushing, my midwife instructed me to push less from my face and more from my bottom. I promptly apologized to her which she laughed at and said "you don't have to apologize, you've never done this before!!".
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I cursed while I was pushing, then I apologized to everyone in the room. Later, I apologized to the 10 doctors and nurses who were in the room for taking so long pushing her out. Hehe.
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".... but I dont want to poop" to the nurses.
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I had the epi at 10 cm and +3 station, so I started pushing 20-30 min later. I couldn't feel anything but the nurse and OB said I was an effective pusher and kept saying things like, "this much head!" "so much hair!" and I thought they were faking me out to keep me going.
well then the OB started suctioning her nose and said, "head's out!" and I yelled, "NO WAY!" and yanked the johnny out of the way. I didn't believe it!
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My LO was having distress during contractions, and my midwives called in an OB to possibly use the vacuum to get her out sooner. The OB got there, and immediately did an episiotomy, which was needed to speed things up and kept us from using the vacuum, but all I could think was "Wait, I didn't want an episiotomy!"
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"I don't have to go to work tomorrow!" I think I said that to my hubby multiple times
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@prettylizy: @Coco Bee: LMAO!!! Y'all are too funny!
@Honeybee: haha! "...baby?!" Aw!
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I had a c-section (no labor) but when they all said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" I said loudly "WAIT! Is it still a girl?!" lol. Also out of my mouth
*while getting the spinal. "OW! That pinched like a bitch! I cant let myself complain. People are pushing babies out without meds around here and I didnt even have a contraction"
*during surgery "Can I see my placenta?"
*during surgery "you guys wanna do some lipo while youre down there? Tummy tuck? Anything"
The doctors and nurses thought I was hilarious lol
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I had a few throughout my labor....
-When I got into the tub at 5 cm and DH started pouring warm water on my belly I said "This is AHHHH-MAZING, no wonder women have water births!" and then proceeded to tell my mom how "AHHHHH-MAZING" it was when she came to check on me.
-When I had to get ready to transfer to the hospital, my mother had to MAKE ME put on clothing! I stood in the middle of our living room, stark naked, and very moaningly said "Can we GO already!" My mom said "Ummm, well lets get dressed", and I proceed with "UGH, do I have too?!" lol
-When I got to the hospital I immediately told the nurse "Give me something for pain, I don't need to feel these anymore!" (I was an automatic repeat since the hospital has a defacto vbac ban).
-As soon as I pushed DD out I was like a completely different person... all calm and collected like. I proceed to RE-INTRODUCE myself to the nurse and apologize for "being rude back there".
=)
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I have a few....
- While pushing I was told to stop pushing threw my face to which I replied " NO I feel like I'm pooping"
- I also informed my OB that she needed to make the pain go away.
- When DD was born and they announced it's a girl I yelled " No way I thought she was a boy!" The nurses said my face was priceless. I was in disbelief. We were team green but I was 90% sure during my entire pregnancy that I was having a boy. I was SO happy that she was a girl. DH compared my face to a 5 year old on christmas morning.
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I have a couple more:
Right after the nurse told me DD was crowning, I said, "So how much longer do you think this is going to take? Like 15 minutes? Do you think we'll be done in 15 minutes?" My husband said I sounded like I was running late for my next very important appointment.
Also, with DS I had to have the placenta mnaually removed. The doctor tried the first time, but he couldn't get it to detach. It hurt A LOT, though, so I asked him, "Are there any other doctors around here with smaller hands? Can we get a teenager to do this instead?" Lol! He told me that, unfortuantely, he had the smallest hands of all the staff available.
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Omg, these are all so funny!!
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Before epi I started groaning " RELAX THE LEGS" - I had read you could talk yourself into dilating or relaxing and with every contraction my legs were tensing up and it hurt so bad so I figured I'd give it a try lol DH had no clue what I was doing
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These are great!
As soon as they put her on my chest I looked at my husband and said "Do you like her?????" The nurses thought it was the funniest thing.
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@luckypenny: @yellowbird: LMFAO!!! You ladies are too funny! "...do you like her?"
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I was pretty much silent through most of L&D (even when I had the epidural and was super relaxed I was mostly just quietly laying listening to everyone talking around me), but DH still mentions that about half an hour after the epidural was placed the nurse asked me what my pain was on a scale of 1-10. I asked her if the blood pressure cuff counted....she said sure, I thought about it a second and said very seriously "a 7 then".
The other one was when the male OB was doing a cervical check I quipped that usually a guy had to buy me dinner before I let him get that far...
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LO is biracial and when I first saw her, I said "She looks so Asian!" and I heard a nurse say "That's ok!".
I thought (but didn't say out loud), "I wasn't complaining!".
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@Honeybee: I also kept asking "so we're almost done? If we're almost done, I can do it"
I was very, lets say "vocal" during labor & delivery (I didn't end up getting an epidural, but I did end up pushing for 4 hours). I remember using words I NEVER use, like I said "Oh, goody." after my midwife said we could start pushing.
I thanked my midwife & nurse for spending hours "hanging out with my vagina" while I pushed.
I apologized to the OB who did the vacuum extraction for not having anymore lemon bars for him (I had given them all to the nurses)
DS had a cone head b/c of the vacuum extraction & my husband said "he looks like a pharaoh". The OB said to the midwife "that's the difference between your patients & mine. Mine have never said 'pharaoh'."
My midwife also said I was the most polite laboring women she's met. I remember saying "please" and "thank you" a lot. Like, every time someone said something encouraging, I was all "oh, thank you!"
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I had a c-section. Immediately after pulling him out I asked how he was (normal) then asked if my placenta looked good (not normal). I then kept insisting they do a good job sewing me up. My husband said I was trying to run the place.
Also, I was expecting an 8+ lb baby, but he was only 6lbs 9oz. When they said it out loud, I kept asking them if they were right and that they should weigh him again. I couldn't believe he was so small.
In retrospect, I think I felt very much out of control at that moment and bossing everyone around was my way of handling it.
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@mewtill: Lol, I felt the same way about "If I just knew how much longer I needed to do this, I could probably power through." Luckily I didn't have 4 hours of pushing. You're a rockstar!
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I yelled at my husband to "Stop breathing on me!" when he was telling me sweet things like how good of a job I was doing.
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When I started pushing I shouted out "oh my god, pushing ROCKS!!!"
Oh, and while I was pushing and my baby's head was peeking out of my vagina the doctor kept twirling her hair with her fingers saying "wow, you should see how much hair this kid has!"
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@sunny: This is EXACTLY what happened to me! It was caught on video and you can hear the nurses laughing... lol!
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- in between pushing i commented how hungry i was... Ahh good ol epidurals
- Im pretty sure i yelled out "how do people have more than one of these!"
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i love this thread.
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-in the beginning many times
docs and nurses: "what is your pain from 0-10?"
me "my burning hands or the contractions?"-when I was pushing "so.... can you tell yet, does he have hair?"
(they could tell and he did!)-when I woke up from the c-section
me"so, when are they starting?"
my husband "they're done. have you heard a word i've been saying?"
me "no."
him "huh. you've been nodding at me for a little while now"
me "oh. so is he alive? are you sure he was born already?"
him "yes I saw it. and your uterus is orange"
me "so how big was he"
him "8lbs 2oz"
me "no way!"-in the post surgery room
"are you sure I had a baby? when do I get to see him? it was a he right? when can i eat?"@Honeybee: @mewtill: Ugh, me too! If I knew how long it would be I would have dealt with it much better.
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My nurses thought I was funny. In between contractions I was trying to convince my husband and sister that they *must* find me a real italian sub for after my delivery (not Subway). I knew I would be hungry afterwards and the sub was my main request. Also, I refused to tell the doctor what the name for the baby was, even as she was crowning. The doctor asked "Do we have a name", as I was pushing the baby out, and I yelled back. "Yes, and we're not telling until she comes out!" I was stubborn even while the baby was being born....
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funny thought: well, as I was pushing I was imagining the baby as being only the size of a tiny baby doll, as even though I was in the middle of it, I still couldn't wrap my head around how a real baby was about to fit through my va-jay-jay.
funny coincidence: Glee was on tv and the song Disco Inferno was on at crowning time (burn baby burn). That was really funny to me, although I was not really in the mood for jokes, I remember thinking that it was funny and that I'll think it's funny when it's over. I was a grumpy pusher.
first words words after birth "Wow, that's a relief!"
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@Rainbow Sprinkles: I wanted pushing to rock. People had lead me to believe it would rock. I found it incredibly frustrating. But I am glad it rocked for you. And I am not at all surprised that you said something funny like that. Bet you'd be a funny labourer for sure.
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Hah just remembered another! I had just "ow ow ow"d through another contraction (at 10 cm!) and when it ended, I mumbled "geeze, I really need an Altoid."
The l&d nurse burst out laughing, and I was like, "I'm serious!"
As soon as the OB came in to start pushing I made my husband get me one from our bag!
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When I checked into the hospital the nurses told me not to expect a baby that night and I argued with them that they were wrong. That was about 1030pm. At 430AM I was at a 8 and I said "Can we finally agree that there's a baby coming now or am I still wrong?" My husband wins the funniest comment though... While they were suctioning the fluid out of my daughter's nose and cleaning her up (they did this before I held her because of some problems) he looked at me and said "she has your finger toes". I pick things up with my feet all the time and she was curling her toes so I guess that sounded logical to him lol...
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When I got my epidural they asked how I was feeling. I said 'fine, but I have this weird pressure in my vagina' the nurse told me that was a contraction and I replied 'this is amazing!'
During my c-section I was shaking pretty bad and my arms were up in the air over my head, I was trying to convince my doc and the anesthesiologist I was having a seizure and couldn't breathe! My doc was like 'if you were having a seizure we wouldn't be talking about 80's rock music right now'
After we got back to the labor room after the c-section I told the nurse I couldnt breathe(again with the breathing!) and was going to throw up...she didn't move fast enough and I puked all over myself, when she turned around from getting the bucket, I just looked at her and said 'sorry. but I can breathe now!'
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