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Are the children not in foster care and/or being looked after by child and family services? It seems like most foster agencies would try to find a situation to keep the family together and make sure they're placed with decent humans.

@Sams Mom: In my experience, if DHS/CPS/CFS etc gets involved, the children will be placed in foster care or with a relative close by and an attempt will be made to have them all be placed together. Assuming mom won't be given a chance at reunification, however unlikely, is probably not accurate. It varies wildly from state to state and even county to county, but most parents are given a chance at reunification, which usually includes services (parenting classes, rehab, etc) and visits. So if you took her now, you'd potentially have to be willing to participate in, and support that process. If DHS is not involved, and the mom is willing to give you guardianship, that would be a different story. Happy to chat more via PM if you'd like.

@Sams Mom: I just wanted to offer some support. DH and are informal guardians (working towards adoption) of a non-relative’s biological child. He has been in our care since the day he was born. There is no question he was meant to be with us from the moment we first knew he existed. Sadly, there are so many moments of uncertainty when dealing with a guardianship. It is not for the faint of heart! However, if your heart tells you this little lady needs your influence and support right now, you will find a way to make it happen...in whatever form that takes. {{hugs}}

Sending you lots of love and support. It is very admirable that you are stepping up to save this child from a horrible situation.

I can only speak to my state, but here if a child is placed in Department of Children and Families custody (custody meaning that DCF makes decisions for them), they usually try to find a kinship/family placement for all three children together. They like to keep kids together if possible. That being said, kids certainly get separated and if you are able to be a kinship placement for one of the children, DCF would be happy to have you. Unless the parents have had their parental rights fully terminated, there is always the risk of reunification and having to participate in things like visitation, taking the child to therapy with the mom etc. If DCF is not involved, and the parents are willing to agree to a formal guardianship through the court, you have more control. However, the parents can still petition to terminate the guardianship and take custody back. (This isn't to be a naysayer, I think you should absolutely still do it. Just giving you the legal run down as I know it in my state). I'm happy to give you more info or help you find more info in your state.

I hope it all works out for your sake, and for the sake of these innocent kiddos.

@Sams Mom: Aww. Well, at least the boys would be taken care of and everyone will still be within the family? It's pretty messed up but I guess it's better than their current state... I hope you can have a very smooth private adoption for the girl.

@Sams Mom: I don't have any solid advice, but can understand a bit of what you're going through. Our family experienced a similar situation not too long ago that involved three children.

What you are doing is awesome, and I commend you for stepping up to help out. Guardianship/Foster Care is not for the faint of heart, and I recommend you arm yourself and your family with as many resources and a strong support system. We unfortunately did not have this.

In our case all three children were temporarily separated and sent to different family members until a more ideal set up could be attained. If it had not been done this way, it would have been overwhelming for us. So don't feel guilty if you can only take on one child.