Hellobee Boards

All I know is my husband is happy when I am happy. Right now I am happy when LO is happy. I asked my grampa his life advice when I was an adolescent and he said, "keep your husband happy. (I was like 12 or something) And don't take no shit from nobody!"

@mrs. bird: along the same lines for us. Me being happy is listening to me tell you about my day, treating me with respect, talking to me about your day, being respectful... things that make a good relationship. His life is easier when I am happy! He would rather keep me happy with these things... I think I bring a lot lot lot lot to his life that he never thought he would have.

@jessibear: Be considerate of your spouse and there will be happiness in the house?

I think the "happy wife, happy life" saying, while sexist, is a good little reminder to be considerate of each other. It may have originated during a time when women ran the household, etc, while men were the "head of the house" and made the major decisions. While we personally don't follow the whole "man in charge" set-up, it may have come about as a way to remind men that decisions for the home affect the wife, which will, in fact, affect him.

I don't love the saying but it is true here. The flip side is, the best way to keep me happy is for my husband to be happy but happy husband happy life doesn't have the same ring to it. Happiness for both of us comes from consideration for each other, time spent together and time to ourselves, not silly material things. Flowers are great but they aren't a driving force behind happiness (arguably though, my husband thinking I would enjoy them and bringing them home would be a big happiness booster.)

@mrs. bird: I try to think of one witty thing each week. Done!

@indi: perfect saying! We could make it simpler like the original too - "happy spouse, happy house".

I agree that the reminder to be considerate of each other is a very good thing, and while I don't particularly like the original saying, I do find that it seems to be true in our house. But like @Greentea: when LO is happy, I'm happy. So... Maybe "happy child, no one's riled"? Lol okay that was bad.

I think it is a very nice saying and not at all implying that the wife has a selfish agenda. In fact it's quite the opposite. In most households, the wife and/or mother is the thread that ties the family together. She wears so many hats daily as the chef, nurse, housemaid, accountant etc and just gives and gives her time and self to everyone. So in order to maintain the peace of the house, it just makes sense to keep her happy. Happiness is relative too, it doesn't take much to make me happy these days, seeing my husband interacting with LO to give me a break, or going to a Target solo is total happiness these days!

@indi: @NurseMommy:

My husband heard this saying early on in our relationship and he says it all the time. You know, it definitely goes both ways but I think in general men can be content more easily than women... To make some gross generalizations, they compartmentalize, they don't overthink things, they enjoy the simple things, etc. So maybe they need a little extra reminder to go for those little details that make women happy!

So I hate the original saying--I find it totally offensive--BUT clinically there's some evidence to back it up! I.e. married men's happiness is much more dependent on their female partners' levels of happiness than vice-versa. So, for example, rates of PPD in men are strongly correlated to rates of PPD in their partners, etc., while the reverse is not true. (And, although correlation doesn't equal causation, there's some evidence that it's the case here.) Some hypothesize that for men, wives are a primary source of emotional support, whereas women tend to have a lot of other sources of support (close friends, family).