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I hateeeeee this comment but I think it's a common stigma A. for men. B. for the older generation.

I think we're going to have to go another generation before working moms become the norm. I'm not a working mom, but I know my sister feels similarly; she said the most important job for me is to be with my LO and if that doesn't make me happy, it's a heart issue. I understand that that's where HER heart is, but it's not fair to project that on others.

In general I agree that this attitude is really annoying. But I will say there are certain instances where I really don't understand why people had kids. I used to work on wall street and I knew plenty of couples where both parents worked at investment firms and they could literally go days without seeing their child awake. The hours are INSANE. So I don't know why you have kids when you can't spend time with them. I also don't get SAHMs who have nannies. A babysitter every now and then I totally understand. But not a full time nanny when you are a SAHM. Of course I would never judge someone's parenting choice to their face. It's not up to me to comment on how thy raise their kid.

I just wrote this big response then realized that I misread your post, ha!

Okay, revised:
I feel that parents do need help when they are unavailable, (at work, doctors, etc) I do not agree that a parent should have a nanny around when they are not at work. If that is the case, then no, I don't think that person is being a "parent".

Your friend was out of line by saying that because your friend might *have* to work. I would die if someone said I was being an awful parent because I had to work (which I will) to support our family.

Holy moly. Nobody's said anything like that to me, but I would get real nasty fast. Shit.

I wonder if fathers get asked this question? Because fathers typically work 40 hours/week (if not more). Yet nobody questions whether or not they are "raising" their own child, right? I really, really don't understand the whole "if you aren't with your child all day and night, you aren't raising them" mentality. Nobody would dare tell a father he isn't raising his own child by providing for them by working.

My mom was a SAHM and had a nanny when my brother and I were little. I never felt like she didn't raise me or didn't want me. But it sure was nice to have someone cook and clean for her!

No one's ever said this to me since I'm a SAHM, but I've heard people say it about other moms.

Honestly, I think it's a comment that comes most often from women. It's such a disgusting comment. That and when they call daycare "don't care." It always comes up in conversations about the high cost of daycare. It sort of rubs me the wrong way too when people without kids/who aren't pregnant are like, I really want kids but we're going to have to figure out how I can stay home because I could NEVER do that to my child, they're so tiny, putting them in daycare, how horrible. Believe it or not I have heard that tons of times. And I'm like hey, I get it -- I feel guilty sometimes too -- but don't make me feel like a shithead for having to do this.

Bottom line is that nobody knows what anybody else's life or motivations are like, so comments like that are just inappropriate and ignorant.

I agree, all parents could use a hand and every parent needs a break. However, I have been a nanny for several years, and you wouldn't beleive the parents who take advantage. Here are some instances, and some have even caused me to quit: a. the parent is napping day in and day out, and they aren't even sick b. there is a huge snow storm, everything is shut down, both parents are home, yet I still needed to go take care of their kids c. "I'll be late (they tell don't ask), because I need to go to the store, bank etc. These things are not ok, and make me wonder why some parents do have kids if they can't even spend a day with their kid.

@artbee: so very true!

ETA (not that you should feel guilty... but that the grass is greener ;))

@artbee: He's just an ass then It's a nanny interview, I would sure hope the nanny would respond to a crying baby!

@ladyfingers: I hear that A.LOT. around my family. They convinced my SIL that she was an awful mom for thinking about putting her LO in daycare. I have to put mine in daycare, I literally have no other choice. Daycare is no different than school, and could go on about the benefits of daycare

I agree with: @ladyfingers: I've only ever heard it from women's mouths! It's ignorant and mean spirited. And sexist, people don't say it to working dads!

Do these women not realize that only about 25% of the female population stays home with kids nowadays? Statistically, they are the minority! 75% of women go back to work!

That comment infuriates me!! As a WOHM who has no choice but to work (hello student loans and being the breadwinner!) I think I deserve to be a mom even though I have to work. :(((